Tag: #itsapirateslifeforme

A pirates life for me!, Brunch like you mean it, Eat your veggies, Egg zachary, Put it in your mouth, Stuffing stuff in stuff

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash!

Cassandra D'Kay

Y’all know by now that I like to stuff stuff in stuff…then eat it. This morning I awoke with a great hankering for something nutty and woodsy and savory. It also happens to be the day after the supreme court ruled that  Gay Marriage is legalized! So there’s a reason to celebrate with a colorful meal. I used all the colors of the rainbow accept indigo… because blueberries would taste fucking AARRGGFUL in this dish. I know squash is usually a fall favorite but I love squash year round and you would too if you knew what’s good for you. Acorn squash is rich in vitamins, minerals, dietary fiber and antioxidant compounds. A diet with a high intake of the nutrients provided by acorn squash may decrease the risk of a number of serious medical conditions. To read more about the awesomeness of acorn squash see here: acorn squash is awesome. I made some badass beet risotto a couple of days ago and couldn’t wait to stuff it into stuff so here it is…

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 1 large acorn squash
  • 6 cups chicken broth
  • a lot of EVOO (I like truffle oil myself)
  • 1 1⁄2 cups Arborio rice large 
  • 1 large beet peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 1 small yellow onion chopped
  • 1 stalk celery chopped
  • whole clove garlic
  • 1⁄2 cup dry red wine (the rest of the bottle is for you)
  • Himalayan salt and pepper
  • goat cheese
  • thyme
  • a couple of rainbow cherry & grape tomatoes
  • an egg because eggs are fucking amazing.

…… the magic:

  1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
  2. chop onion and celery beets and some garlic
  3. In a medium pot, warm the broth over medium heat.
  4. In a large skillet heat 3 tablespoons olive oil over medium high heat.
  5. Stir in the rice to coat with the oil, toast for 2 minutes.
  6. Add the beets, onion and garlic and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.
  7. Pour in the wine and cook until absorbed into the rice, drink the wine, yes, right out of the bottle.
  8. then begin adding broth a couple of ladles at a time, stirring with each addition, until the rice is cooked, about 20 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
  9. While the risotto is cooking, get out your cutlass and swashbuckle that acorn squash in half (upright) and scoop out the seeds and hairy shit, then slice off the tips so they sit on a foil lined pan. Pour olive oil all over the inside and bottoms and season with salt and pepper and roast upside down in a 425 degree oven for 20 minutes. Add the peeled garlic to the pan around the acorn squash halves and coat them with oil as well, sprinkle thyme and roast. More wine.
  10. turn squash over and fill with risotto top with goat cheese and roasted garlic
  11. quick fry an egg (I like mine runny of course) and plop it on top.
  12. add sliced tomatoes to still hot egg pan and heat them with some balsamic vinegar and salt… slap them on top too
  13. add some fresh thyme. cause we all need more of that shit….
  14. drink more wine…the good stuff.

You should have beet risotto left after this… use it for ERRYTHANG! Really, its good with pork, chicken, what evs. See below on how to half the squash, take off the tips, and fill it with risotto and goat cheese. Not everyone likes eggs… so I hear. That’s INSANE…but if you don’t want to put an egg on it, its still awesome like this…

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash
Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash
Stuffed Acorn Squash
Stuffed acorn squash

Voila! One for me, and one for the neighbor wench, who would rather her squash be stuffed with mushrooms and spinach on a bed of beet risotto. NO EGG> weird. Bon Apetite ya scurvs! Eat drink and let gays be married!

A pirates life for me!, Appetizers that don't suck, Put it in your mouth

Italian Pretzel with beer cheese!

Cassandra D'Kay

Well slap my ass and call me a salty dog! I made a pretzel and dipped it thangs!  Here’s the story:

I was alone, reluctantly carrying the gazillion grocery bags in from the desert wasteland we call my driveway in texas. The bags were cheap, probably recycled beyond usable standards. The door was soooo far away…. then a bag broke… I caught it… whew!  Then, I heard a POP!  I felt a doughy sticky limp coldness in the bottom of my last bag. “I wasn’t planning on making bread tonight”  I yelled to myself.  Fuck it, I plopped it on a pan and made a pretzel shape.  Alas, the dough kept shrinking like a chocolate starfish out of water. So I improvised! I stuck some oven safe bowls in the holes to keep the shape. Voila.. built in dipping bowls!  I sprinkled it with thyme, garlic butter, parmesan & my new artisan balsamic salt (I finally have a good selection of artisan infused salts) see here: Artisan salts ROCKIMG_4798It was the perfect appetizer to my grilled butterfly pork chop and home made beet risotto! I love beet risotto, too bad the first mate hates beets… oh well, more for the Captain! Huzzah!

IMG_4911Now you can’t rightly eat a pretzel without a dip. I love dips… sauces.. hot sauces… anything saucy and creamy. Check out my hot sauce group on Facebook here: DO YOU EVEN SAUCE BRO So here are my instructions and dip recipes. Don’t laugh at how simple this all is….. some people need simple so I’m giving them this. Eat it.

…..in-greed-ients

  • 1 can Italian bread dough
  • spray garlic oil or garlic butter melted
  • balsamic salt (Himalayan will do)
  • thyme
  • 1/4 cup parmesan shredded
  • 1 can of nacho cheese soup
  • 1 dark beer (I like Leinenkugel -Big Butt Doppelbock)
  • 1 small jar of pizza sauce
  • 1 whole clove garlic

……..yeasty magic:

  1. spray a foil lined cookie sheet
  2. Take out dough snake. Plop it down and make a pretzel
  3. stick some of those small oven safe bowls (for salsa and queso or small ramekins) in the holes.
  4. baste it with butter / oil spray
  5. seasoning and thyme
  6. surround pretzel with raw garlic cloves (coated in butter / oil as well)
  7. bake for 25 min @350
  8. take out with 5 min to spare (take off garlic) sprinkle parm and broil for last 4 min.

……. the dippy magic:

  1. open can of NACHO cheese soup  pour into a sauce pan
  2. add half beer… stir and simmer
  3. pour cheese into pretzel bowl
  4. heat up pizza sauce same way and pour into the second bowl
  5. put garlic in third bowl. Roasted garlic is soooo good for you, it helps aid against cancer, cold sores, food poisoning, UTI’s, scurvy..ect… see here: Garlic is awesome

IMG_4918

So, now you have a quick easy appetizer to grub whilst you wait for the grill to heat up. Happy feasting!  Drink up me hearties YOHO! Here is some weird shit.

funny-pretzel-drunk-photo

A pirates life for me!, Bacon wrapped, Eat your veggies, Put it in your mouth, Southern as fuck

Bacon Wrapped Corn on the cob!

Cassandra D'Kay

Yes, Yes,  I am the great cornholio!  Ok, so I know I didn’t invent grilling corn.  BUT…I did perfect my version of “grilled corn” and I will never go back. So, the crew loves a good corn on the cob. Sometimes we cover it in greek yogurt (in lieu of sour cream) and lime juice & cayenne, some times its pesto slathered, and sometimes its smeared with garlic paste and brie.  I mean its still just corn…but this time IT’S WRAPPED IN BACON!  I like my corn to have the husks on, to use as a handle to eat with and it just looks prettier. Also, I guess I’ve really been on a bacon kick lately. Probably because I banned it from the ship for months during one of my shake diets. Love me some protein shakes, but as Captain I realize now, that I can’t be a good leader without the Bacon. So if you are one of those people that are shaking your head at this point, suck on some bacon and see here http://bacontoday.com/bacon-is-good-for-you/ about how BACON is actually good for you.

The first mate swears that corn doesn’t even get processed in his body and there’s nothing good for you about it… I like to prove him wrong.. so here’s this FYI about corn: Corn not only provides the necessary calories for healthy, daily metabolism, but is also a rich source of vitamins A, B, E and many minerals. Its high fiber content ensures that it plays a significant role in the prevention of digestive ailments like constipation and hemorrhoids as well as colorectal cancer. The antioxidants present in corn also act as anti-carcinogenic agents and prevent Alzheimer’s disease. Corn aids in controlling diabetes, prevention of heart ailments, lowering hypertension and prevention of neural-tube defects at birth as well. So there. Eat your corn you lily livered sea swine.

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 2 fresh ears of corn (BUY LOCAL BITCHES)
  • 4 strips of thick ass bacon
  • 1/4 cup parmesan cheese, shredded
  • lime / lemon or both.. because we love them.
  • garlic butter… (I’ve been making my own with roasted garlic cloves.. so good.)
  • cayenne, Himalayan salt, cracked black pepper
  • foil

…….the corny magic:

  1. Peel back husks, de-hair your corn
  2. slather corn cobs in garlic butter
  3. wrap corn cobs in 2 strips of bacon each, because the bacon will shrivel and shrink… not unlike a man thrown over board.
  4. wrap each cob in foil all the way to the tips of the husks, twist ends.
  5. grill on high for 20-25 min, rotating
  6. unwrap and gently place corn directly on the fire for 3-4 minutes to get bacon crispy (we don’t want no soft meat)
  7. plate it and sprinkle cheese and lemon / lime juice and seasoning
  8. enjoy the fuck out of it because there are 3 delicious food groups here people.
A pirates life for me!, Burger madness, Egg zachary, Put it in your mouth

Bacon Wrapped Bison Beer Burger…with macaroni buns!

Cassandra D'Kay

WHOOHOOO!

Disclaimer: this here burger was NOT quick to make. It definitely took some prep time. BUT, I can’t believe it took me 30 something years to finally make and eat one.  We all love a good burger (well, at least us meat eaters do) but this is no regular burger. Any time you wrap anything in bacon it immediately gets another star. A food porn star. Then, adding an egg also, wins a double air guitar from me….drool. Also, anything with avocado will be assuredly going into my face hole. So, when it’s got MACAFUCKNRONI buns, I mean, come on.. I can’t even.  The first mate almost didn’t let me take pictures of this thing. He likes his egg POPPED…. I know, what a weirdo. Bleh!

IMG_4566

So, as I was making this monster, I realized how gargantuan it was going to be and I adjusted mine to be an open faced monster…. because I may be a salty wench, but I am still a lady, and don’t open my mouth that big for just anything/anyone…… these days.  Plus mine HAS to have a RUNNY egg…or its not worth eating.

IMG_4569

Now, for the instructions: hold fast crew…. this will be a long and arduous journey….but there will be treasure at the end!  OH, also, there were jicama fries involved. They were great, although not the star of this tale.

……the in-greed-ients:

  • 1/2 lb bison meat – why? because its low in cholesterol, high protein, fewer calories and lots of omega 3…and because its ARRRGSOME!
  • 1/3 cup diced onions
  • 1/2 cup rolled oats
  • 1 package beef onion soup mix
  • 3 LARGE EGGS
  • some worst-chester-shire sauce. (we gave up saying and spelling this correctly a long time ago)
  • garlic powder
  • thin sliced provolone (or what ever cheese suits your fancy)
  • 1 ripe as fuck avocado (muy importante)
  • peppercorn bacon 4 strips
  • flavorgod spicy everything seasoning… again because its ARRGSOME! http://bing.flavorgod.com/
  • once again, I found myself using TORCHYS damn good diablo sauce http://torchystacos.com/product/hot-sauce/for my burger dressing. I guess im an addict. If you are too, then you should check out my FB group “Do you even sauce bro?” https://www.facebook.com/groups/295299200668548/
  • AN ALE – I used NEW CASTLE WERE WOLF, its an Irish red ale that I enjoy…. but its really up to you.
  • IMG_4523

…..the bunssssss:

  1. Divide your mac into 4 balls
  2. Line the bottom of 4 bowl or saucer shaped things with saran wrap and spray it with spray oil.
  3. Squish them into these bowls, saucers. If you can’t find anything bun shapped… just make tightly compacted 1/2 in thick patties with the saran wrap and stick them in the freezer.
  4. When it is time….put oil in the pan….coat each mac bun in the egg wash, then the flour, then the panko.
  5.  Fry them up like fried green tomatoes or grilled cheese…..mmmmm.. grilled cheese.
  6. Set aside on paper towel to cool.

……the burger magic:

  1. Squish the meat, oats, beefy onion soup mix, 1 egg, worst sauce, diced onions, and all powdered seasonings with your bare hands. I have found that the more sloppy noises it makes, the better it’s gon taste.
  2. Pour a shot or two of beer in there… chug the rest. CHUG… CHUG… CHUG… CHUG….. good job mate.
  3. Make 2 fist sized balls. Flatten them and wrap them in 2 bacon slices each.  (this takes some hand skills) I used the criss cross method.
  4. Stick them fatties in the fridge for a bit…(and NOW ITS TIME to fry up the buns).
  5. Fry them suckas up in a frying pan. The bacon is enough grease to cook it. I like mine med rare, but again…its all up to how you like’em.  Also, if you could grill them that would be super, just don’t loose the bacon, so use a grill pan….savy?
  6. Set aside on paper towel to drain.
  7. fry the last 2 eggs to your liking. If it ain’t a runny egg, your a dirty bilge rat and we can’t be friends.IMG_4572

…..the assembly:

  1. first the bun
  2. then the sliced avocado
  3. then the dripping bacon bison burger….drool.
  4. chug another beer, this is hard work.
  5. then the sliced cheese
  6. then the egg of glory
  7. slather the top bun with Torchy’s sauce and ranch if you ain’t skeerd…and gingerly place it on the stack.
  8. do not squash, drop or disassemble!

Good luck eating this monster. It was amazeballs and I probably won’t do it often because I like my arteries. Now, who’s swabbing the dishes? Drink up me hearties yoho!

A pirates life for me!, Captain sweet tooth, Put it in your mouth, skulls & hearts

Rum Strawberries & Coconut Cream Panna Cotta!

Cassandra D'Kay

ARRGight ARRGight ARRGight… this is L I V I N. So, I call this the “Lip Smacker” because it tastes like strawberries and cream and makes your mouth say *SmAcK*!  I had some heavy cream and strawberries so I figured… hey, I can make something outta this. All I can say is dayum. When it comes to desserts, the sexiest ones for me are crème brulee and panna cotta.  (Reminder to self: maybe use this for sexy food play night.) It takes a little patience and needs to be real chill….if you get my drift.  I feel like this is a good pirate dessert hence the rum and coconut flavors. Also, t’would be a sweet ass Valentines day treat for the lovers. My recipe makes enough for 3 med wine glasses or 4-5 ramekins but who says you can’t just put it in a big ass bowl and eat it with your face. I don’t judge. No haters allowed.

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 1 package gelatin (about 6 grams)
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 cup thick coconut milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1tsp coconut extract
  • 1/2 cup honey (buy local bitches)
  • 2 tsp coconut shreds
  • 1 lb strawberries (the big ass package)
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • some kraken rum,http://www.krakenrum.com/ like a shot… then a few shots for you!

……the creamy magic:

  1. Mix gelatin with 2 tsp water in a large mixing bowl and let it poof up for like 10 min while you do other shit
  2. in a large sauce pan bring to a simmer: cream, coconut milk, and honey
  3. when it starts to bubble, take off heat, allow to cool 5 min
  4. add vanilla & coconut extract, gelatin & stir it up..
  5. pour equal parts into 3 wine classes or 4-5 ramekins and set to chill (slanted or flat or what evs…might have to prop that shit up on something like wet paper towels in a bowl).
  6. Just chill.  like 3-4 hours. Can leave over night. fuck it. Do a shot or 3.

……the rum sauce:

  1. boil the washed and sliced strawberries, all accept for 3 of the prettiest ones
  2. add honey and rum and smash with a muddler or a potato smasher. HULK SMASH & do a shot.
  3. then blend in a food processor and chill until it thickens

Layer these sexy beauties when you are ready to serve.  Sprinkle the coconut shavings on top.  Slice the prettiest berries in half and cut a V into the tops to make hearts and stick’em on the side of the glass or slap’em right on top of what ever you poured it into. Now try not to make inappropriate moaning noises whilst eating this. Good luck with that.