A pirates life for me!, Captain sweet tooth, Put it in your mouth

Tuaca Blueberry, Brie & Lemon Galette!

Why aren’t there any good French places near my island? (I call my town my island because it’s mine and it’s self sustaining until we go on vacation excursions.) I tried to stay true to my detox this week but someone bought brie and pie crust.  Someone also gave me tons of blueberries, which is superb! So, galettes it is mates!  Sometimes there is nothing else that can satisfy my first mates sweet tooth but a pastry pie. I see this recipe on Pinterest all the damn time, but I made it my bitch…. like I do. Also, I know how y’all rascals love that ready made pie crust….it just fits right into your busy schedule. So, here tis the good stuff.  Stuff yo face with it:


  • 1 package store bought pie crust (comes with 2)
  • 2 cups blueberries
  • 1/4 cup sugar
  • 2 tbsp. cornstarch
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • some salt
  • 1 egg
  • 1 round of brie (man, I love cheese)
  • 1 large lemon
  • some honey
  • some Tuaca ( a shot for the bowl, and a few for yourself)


……the berry magic:

  1. preheat oven to 425
  2. mix berries, sugar, cornstarch, zest of the whole lemon, and juice of the lemon, vanilla, a shot of tuaca, and salt in a bowl… mix it good.
  3. drink a shot….and yell TUACA!!!! Ah, that’s better
  4. unroll the dough, place a 5 in round bowl, or ramekin, or pastry cutter on the dough and cut circles. Can re roll scraps to make more circles until its gone.
  5. plop those circles on a sprayed sheet of parchment on a pan
  6. cut some thin chunks of brie and make a flat bed in the middle of the circles
  7. spoon about 2 heaping spoonfulls of berry mixture on top of the brie bed in each circle
  8. fold the edges up over the sides of the filling. About a half inch all the way around, folding and pressing the bottom to keep that shit in place.  Tell it who’s the captain!
  9. make an egg wash with the egg, brush it over the dough.
  10. shot time… you deserved it! You, my mate, are the tits!

    Shots, shots, shots....
    Shots, shots, shots….
  11. bake for 15 to 20 min depending on how crisp you want them. Don’t worry about the purple ooze coming out, that’s just the good stuff.. I call it, Ivan Ooze.

Now top these buggars with honey (because honey is the bees knees) and whipped cream if you like….. and make a hot mess!  Also great with other fruit and cheeses, savy?!  Drink up me hearties YOHO!

Blueberry Brie Galette
Blueberry Brie Galette
A pirates life for me!, Captain sweet tooth, pirates, Put it in your mouth

Plantain Cups with Mango & Avocado

Most North American land lubbers have not experimented much with the plantain. This is a “the gods damned”  travesty. Plantains are fucking amazeballs.  We pirates LOoOoOve them and eat them frequently, as well as mango!  First off, don’t confuse them with plain old bananas. I  mean nanas are great too… but not as sexy & versatile! You can make plantains sweet or savory because they are a lot like potatoes and bananas. I have sautéed them in honey, mashed them with butter and garlic, fried them and flambéed them with rum, ect… Here is a recipe that is easier than shit. I know yall lazy skurvs like easy….its great for summer.  So go get you some plantains and get to work, savy?


  • 2 medium ripe plantains, peeled, chopped in a food processor (not blended)
  • some coconut flakes (like a cup)
  • 1 large egg + 1 egg white
  • 1 can coconut milk – the good shit not the light – chillin like a villain.
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • some honey – BUY LOCAL BITCHES – I’m currently using this brand: Goodflow Honey
  • a mango
  • an avocado
  • some chopped cilantro
  • 1 lime (juice)
  • cinnamon (powdered)
  • Himalayan pink salt & cracked pepper

……the magic:

  • preheat oven to 400*
  • chop plantain in a food processor until rice like
  • add eggs and coconut to plantain in a bowl – coat and toss and season with salt and pepper.
  • spray muffin / cupcake tin with cooking spray
  • spoon a glob into each hole. use a shot glass to make the cup shape, buy pressing down in the center and on the sides
  • bake for 15 min
  • whilst they are baking, pour coconut cream, vanilla, and honey in to bowl and mix with a hand blender or immersion blender until whipped…like 7 minutes. set aside.
  • chop/ slice avocado and mango into cubes. Toss it wit cilantro and lime juice and cinnamon. Let me splain:

Now fill those glory holes with the delicioso mix! Top with some of that creamy whipped goodness, sprinkle some more coconut flakes on top, and there ya have it mates….. dessert is served.  Yar brethren court should approve!

                                                             (my cream sat too long before the picture was taken here). IMG_3607