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So Cal Eggs Benedict

So Cal Eggs Benedict

IIII’mmmmm Baaaaack, from a blogging hiatus with a rad brunch dish to share!  Everyone loves a classic Eggs Benedict… but there be no limits when it comes to MY cooking, so I put a SO Cal spin on this one. I recently received a box of awesomesauce from So Cal Hot sauce  and I don’t think I’ve ever reeeally thought about hot sauces categorized by region before.  Sure there are different levels of heat,  salt, texture, sweetness… you can use scorpions, ghosts, reapers, serranos…. you can separate them by season, color, consistency……there is an endless plethora of categories. BUT this sauce definitely tastes like Southern Cali to me so it immediately pleases the Captain that they are true to their name, beit that their slogan is “California inspired, Carolina grown”.  The first one that I played with is the “So Cal Guac Sauce – Hot Avocado.  Y’all know how I feel about avocados…. they are a staple, a necessity, a vitamin and a part of my balanced breakfast and sexy as fuuuuck. The avocado flavor and the consistency of this sauce was too legit so I had to use it IN a sauce… I do love to sauce bro.  Since I enjoy the challenge of making better choices (most of the time)and the healthy hippies in cali love cauliflower…  I opted to make some crispy, slightly cheesy, dill cauliflower waffles instead of the all p0wer full evil BREAD! Mmmmm…bread… any who, If you switch up this recipe up, have fun, do what you wanna.  By all means I’m not the boss of you, BUT, don’t leave out the cauliflower waffle or the “guac sauce” and expect it to be as magical and amazing as mine.  Just sayin.  #brunchlikeyoumeanit

 

……. in-greed-ients:

  • 3/4 cup frozen cauliflower crumbles (thawed and drained)
  • 1 cup low fat Mozzarella cheese, shredded
  • 4 large sprigs dill – chopped
  • 1 large egg, beaten until moral improves
  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon pink Himalayan sea salt
  • 1/8 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper (or more cause its awesome)
  • 4 large eggs, drained (I will explain)
  • 4 slices Canadian Bacon eh?
  • 2-3 cups arugula
  • coconut oil for sauteeing 

…… in- the-blender:

…… cookin time:

  1. Get out that dusty old Belgian Waffle Maker if ya got it, and heat to a medium setting. IF not, fuck it, any ol’ waffle maker will do.
  2. In a medium bowl, combine 3/4 cup cauliflower crumbles, 1 cup shredded Mozzarella cheese, chopped dill, 1 beaten in to shape egg, garlic powder, onion powder,salt, freshly cracked black pepper. Mix that shit. SIDE NOTE: I grate fresh cauliflower using my food processor and store the cauliflower crumbles in the freezer. BUT you can just get some frozen cauliflower crumbles. If you use freshly grated cauliflower, add an egg white.

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    Cauliflower cheese dill mix

  3. Spray the waffle iron and slop that cauliflower mixture EVENLY onto the waffle iron. Close lid and flip over. Cook till brown like a chocolate starfish… that’s when ya know it’s done. 

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    Cauliflower waffle

  4. DO YOU even sauce bro?  Well ya do now, put the hollandaise stuff in the blender… blend till awesome. Dip your finger in for a taste… tasty as fuck right?!MMMMM! This “guac sauce”  has about 5 calories per serving (tsp) and a medium range of sodium @ 105 mg. The “heat”  is mid range with serranos and habaneros balanced with tomatillos and avocado.  It’s puurrrfecct for a golden creamy hollandaise. 

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    So Cal Guac Hollandaise

  5. Now make some perfectly poached eggs.  Lay a paper towel out to lay the eggs on, fill your favorite pot about 2-3 inches deep. While waiting for the water to boil, drain the eggs by cracking them into  a fine mesh strainer and allow the watery part of the whites to drain out into a bowl.  The thin part of the egg is not necessary and causes bullshit when trying to poach the eggs. Homey don’t play that. 

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    Straining the ovos

  6. Slip that drained egg into the GENTLY boiling water…poach one a time. DO NOT SWIRL the water. Because we removed that bullshit part of the egg white there is no need to waste your time swirling the water. Poach for 3 minutes. When it’s ready, use a slotted spoon to gently transfer the eggs to the paper towel plate. Don’t fuck it up!
  7. While the eggs are poaching, quick sear that  Canadian Bacon in a small cast iron skillet. Mmmm bacon. 

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    meeeaattt

  8. Remove them pig discs and toss in the greens.. use a little coconut oil and seasoning of your choice (I use FlavorGod Dynamite Seasoning) for a quick sautee “roll in the hay” and remove before that shit gets gross.
  9. To assemble: Put 1/4 of the cauliflower waffle on a plate, then a spoon of sauteed arugula, topped with that juicy yankee bacon & then 1 poached egg. Now you can drench that shit with guac hollandaise sauce. Garnish with chopped parsley or scallions or what ever you want…it’s all about to be devoured soon anyway.  Make sure you enjoy cutting into that sexy runny yolk, sop it up with that delish cauliflower triangle…now stuff your face hole! 

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    Before the sauceing

 

Yield: 4 Servings
Prep Time: 15 mins.
Cook time: 10 mins.
Total time: 25 mins

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                                                                    Drink up me hearties yo ho!

 

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Sausage & Purple Cabbage Strata!

Sausage & Purple Cabbage Strata!

I am calling this a “sausage and purple cabbage strata” because the star is really the purple cabbage.. but the meat is muy importante to me as well. The most common modern variant is a brunch dish similar to a quiche or a frittata. So when making a strata, the only components you really have to have is stale bread, eggs, milk, cheese and some type of other shit. Really doesn’t matter what… but the best things that go in them are things like kale, shrooms, onions, bell peppers, fontina, mozzerella, parmesan, cabbage, chard, tomatoes and meat (old, new, ground, chunked, whatever..).The usual preparation requires the bread to be layered with the filling on top in order to produce layers. This pirate wench loves making strata’s… I put them in my category of “Dirty Pirate Hooker” meals. This eloquently named category is based upon the 5 qualifications:

  1. must be easy as fuck
  2. must be able to stick almost anything into them
  3. must be relatively cheap
  4. must be satisfying
  5. must serve a whole crew

I have made this many times but I believe this one is my favorite. It makes me feel like I have won the battle against hunger with every bite. If you know how to use an oven and a stove this should not take long to prepare… but I will explain my process in detail anyway. So don’t get discouraged by the lengthy directions….it really is easy. Also it’s best to make the night before and just pop it in the oven in the morning before the lazies get up…. and in 45 min, you are the victor!

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…….in-greed-ients:

  • 1 pound breakfast sausage

    secret ingredient

    secret ingredient

  • 8 eggs
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 1/2 cup heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup french onion dip –SECRET INGREDIENT 
  • 3-4 small french bread loaves, cubed
  • 2 1/2 cups shredded gruyere cheese
  • 3-4 baby bella shrooms – sliced
  • 1/2 yellow onion- chunky
  • 1-2 leeks 
  • 1/3 head purple cabbage
  • truffle oil
  • EVOO
  • garlic cloves
  • chipolte seasoning, himalayan salt and pink peppercorn & spicy everything seasoning from –FlavorGod

First things first.. the purple cabbage is like gold in this dish and must be treated like royalty. So, slice that purple head in disks and bathe the disks in truffle oil… along with the garlic cloves and leeks…cleaned properly here-leek prep.  If you don’t know how to peel garlic like a pro.. get this:easy as fuck garlic peeler.  I love truffle oil.  It’s my fav condiment besides hot sauce.

……Roasting magic:

  • Heat that oven to 400* and shove in the veggies- prepared, lathered & seasoned with all 3 seasonings from above
  • Pre warning, this roasting period is torture…you can smell it but you cant touch it… for about 40-45 minutes. You might want to take the leeks and garlic out at 20-25 min and leave the cabbage to finish sun tanning. Nobody likes burned garlic.
  • whilst you wait… butter the bottoms of your dishes of choice, I like my clay Cazuela, casserole dishes and pie dishes, but a 9X13 or 2 smaller ones will do.
  • cut the stale bread into cubes. Why stale? Because it helps soak the egg & cream mix without it getting soggy! When i say stale, I don’t mean hard and crusty.. these are not meant to be like hard tack…. just a little “un fresh”.
  • pour some EVOO into a large pan and brown the yellow onions
  • add sausage to pan, add seasoning and cook until done
  • add mushrooms last so they stay firm…just a minute or two more… then take off heat
  • the cabbage is done so chop the leeks and cabbage into large chunks and set aside.
  • mix eggs, milk, cream, dip, 2 cups of cheese and seasoning in a bowl and whisk it like you mean it.How to whisk like you mean it  here is a great video if you actually give a shit about learning stuff. Which I do.

……let’s layer this baby:

  1. (butter) bread cubes
  2. meat & shroom mix
  3. cabbage, garlic clove & leek mix
  4. creamy egg mix – poor it all over and watch it sink in.
  5. Cover it and cool it. Put these dishes in the fridge over night.

Next morning: bake that son of hooker at 350* for 45 min… top with the rest of the shredded cheese and serve it to the starving ungrateful masses. 

It’s just science.. that on this ship, he may have better hair than me, but I have more talent in my little finger.  Here’s to dirty pirate hookers! Huzzah!

 

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Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash!

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash!

Y’all know by now that I like to stuff stuff in stuff…then eat it. This morning I awoke with a great hankering for something nutty and woodsy and savory. It also happens to be the day after the supreme court ruled that  Gay Marriage is legalized! So there’s a reason to celebrate with a colorful meal. I used all the colors of the rainbow accept indigo… because blueberries would taste fucking AARRGGFUL in this dish. I know squash is usually a fall favorite but I love squash year round and you would too if you knew what’s good for you. Acorn squash is rich in vitamins, minerals, dietary fiber and antioxidant compounds. A diet with a high intake of the nutrients provided by acorn squash may decrease the risk of a number of serious medical conditions. To read more about the awesomeness of acorn squash see here: acorn squash is awesome. I made some badass beet risotto a couple of days ago and couldn’t wait to stuff it into stuff so here it is…

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 1 large acorn squash
  • 6 cups chicken broth
  • a lot of EVOO (I like truffle oil myself)
  • 1 12 cups Arborio rice large 
  • 1 large beet peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 1 small yellow onion chopped
  • 1 stalk celery chopped
  • whole clove garlic
  • 12 cup dry red wine (the rest of the bottle is for you)
  • Himalayan salt and pepper
  • goat cheese
  • thyme
  • a couple of rainbow cherry & grape tomatoes
  • an egg because eggs are fucking amazing.

…… the magic:

  1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
  2. chop onion and celery beets and some garlic
  3. In a medium pot, warm the broth over medium heat.
  4. In a large skillet heat 3 tablespoons olive oil over medium high heat.
  5. Stir in the rice to coat with the oil, toast for 2 minutes.
  6. Add the beets, onion and garlic and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.
  7. Pour in the wine and cook until absorbed into the rice, drink the wine, yes, right out of the bottle.
  8. then begin adding broth a couple of ladles at a time, stirring with each addition, until the rice is cooked, about 20 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
  9. While the risotto is cooking, get out your cutlass and swashbuckle that acorn squash in half (upright) and scoop out the seeds and hairy shit, then slice off the tips so they sit on a foil lined pan. Pour olive oil all over the inside and bottoms and season with salt and pepper and roast upside down in a 425 degree oven for 20 minutes. Add the peeled garlic to the pan around the acorn squash halves and coat them with oil as well, sprinkle thyme and roast. More wine.
  10. turn squash over and fill with risotto top with goat cheese and roasted garlic
  11. quick fry an egg (I like mine runny of course) and plop it on top.
  12. add sliced tomatoes to still hot egg pan and heat them with some balsamic vinegar and salt… slap them on top too
  13. add some fresh thyme. cause we all need more of that shit….
  14. drink more wine…the good stuff.

You should have beet risotto left after this… use it for ERRYTHANG! Really, its good with pork, chicken, what evs. See below on how to half the squash, take off the tips, and fill it with risotto and goat cheese. Not everyone likes eggs… so I hear. That’s INSANE…but if you don’t want to put an egg on it, its still awesome like this…

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash

Stuffed Acorn Squash

Stuffed acorn squash

Voila! One for me, and one for the neighbor wench, who would rather her squash be stuffed with mushrooms and spinach on a bed of beet risotto. NO EGG> weird. Bon Apetite ya scurvs! Eat drink and let gays be married!

 

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Fried Chicken & Waffles!

Fried Chicken & Waffles!

Oh my sweet baby sea god posideon! We brunch like we mean it in my family. So it was just fathers day and we had a great time showing the fathers how important their years of beatings were, because our morale eventually improved! Thanks dads. You truly whipped us into shape. We lub you.

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My sister wench gets a SPECIAL GUEST SPOTLIGHT this week. She is amazing in the kitchen and aspires to be a personal chef some day so…. 3 cheers for “Captain Blaire” my sister wench for the incrediballs brunch she prepared for our fathers day feasting pleasure.  Hip hip Huzzah! 

She prepared bacon, parmesan, peppercorn Belgian waffles with a scallion garlic butter, and a chipotle maple syrup.  Strat-daddy fried up his famous fried chicken wings… nothing schmancy about it. Fried chicken needs no frills….it’s that damned good. I took the left over waffles home and Broseph took home the left over meat.  That’s how we do it. Why were there any left overs you ask? Well, we, as a family, tend to make waaaaay too much food. It works out well for the left over department. The minion loves the waffles.

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 3  large eggs
  • 1 3/4 Cup  all-purpose flour
  • 1 Tbl.  baking powder
  • 1 1/2 Tsp.  salt
  • 3 Oz.  shredded parmesan cheese (3/4 cup)
  • 1 Tbl.  fresh cracked black pepper
  • 1 schtick of butta – melted
  • garlic butter
  • chopped scallions
  • 1/4 lb of bacon
  • chipotle mayple syrup (can make your own with some canned chipotles in oil and Canadian mayple syrup)
  • electric mixer
  • badass waffle iron – Suggestions: http://amzn.com/B00ITPJ0HM

…… waffle magic:

  1. cook bacon, remove from pan, and swashbuckle that shit. chop chop chop it like its hot.
  2. beat eggs on medium speed 3 minutes or until very pale and foamy.
  3. Sift flour, baking powder and salt into medium bowl
  4. whisk in cheese and pepper until combined
  5. Whisk milk and butter into flour mixture, whisking just until combined; do not overmix (batter will be lumpy).
  6. With wooden spoon, fold in eggs.
  7. ladle a heaping ladle full of batter into waffle iron (just enough to cover surface of waffle iron). sprinkle with bacon!!!!
  8. Cook waffles until golden brown and steam is no longer escaping from iron. Hot dayum, you did it.
  9. while those are cooking, mix chopped scallions in garlic butter
  10. now slather that baby with scallion garlic butter and bacon crumbles and douse it with chipotle maple syrup!
  11. mouthgasm
Chicken & Waffles

Chicken & Waffles

Happy fathers day to the keeper of the codes!

 

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