A pirates life for me!, It aint easy bein cheesy, Put it in your mouth, skulls & hearts, Stuffing stuff in stuff, Taco Tuesday

Taco Frito Empanadas!

Why Yes, I do like to theme cook! I theme dress, theme drink and theme party, why not theme cook too? On Tuesdays we TACO…..or some version of something “taco like”.  I serve Mexican beer or we take tequila shots and sometimes I wear my tiny sombrero. Its mucho adorkable. This week I made taco empanadas with fritos and ranch beans…..and it was a bitchin success! I made 6 and it fed 3 with 2 for the first mate to take to work the next day. This shit was so easy… even a white girl can do it! Most empanadas are of Latin origin, have a pastry shell, and either a savory or a sweet filling. As you know, I am a savory wench. A lot of empanada recipes have cheese inside it.. I don’t like to do that because when reheating them, the cheese gets fucking weird. So I made a chipotle queso sauce to smother these fuckers with. Also, no taco type substance is complete without an avocado element. Hence, HOLY GUACAMOLE! (not included in this post) The minion was all “I don’t like the yellow things” and I was all…”suck it up and eat it or starve!”  Long story long… the crew didn’t starve, and will survive to fight another day thanks to Captain D’kay and her taco frito empanadas!



  • 2 thawed pie pastrys (comes with two per box usually)
  • some flour – to keep things from getting sticky
  • 1/2 lb lean ground beef
  • 1/2 can rotel with chilies
  • 1/2 can golden hominy
  • 1/4 diced white onion
  • some minced garlic
  • 1/2 cup fritos- crushed (like when chang crushes fritos in OITNB…if you have seen that one)
  • taco seasoning mix-powder
  • 2 green jalepenos – diced and deseeded 
  • 1 can RANCH BEANS – that’s right.. because this is MY WAY damnit! 
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tbsp taco sauce

…….Dama El Grande Queso!:

  • 1/2 cup sharp cheddar
  • 1/2 cup monterey jack 
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 1 tbsp flour
  • smoked chipotle powder
  • garlic powder

…… Taco magic: 

  1. pour evoo in a large deep pan
  2. brown onions for 2 minutes then add garlic
  3. add beef and taco seasoning – brown
  4. add rotel and hominy
  5. smash ranch beans in a bowl with a potato masher- HULK SMASH!
  6. a round of tequila shots for you, yourself and your other hand.  You deserve it!
  7. roll out pie dough on floured surface
  8. cut out rounds as big as your hand (makes about 6 depending on your size- I put my hand down and make a circle around it with my blade)
  9. press scraps together and make more rounds – it’s easy if you try.
  10. spoon some beans onto the middle of each round
  11. spoon some beef mix onto the middle of each round
  12. top with some crushed fritos 
  13. fold over and press down on sides with fingers
  14. fork around the edges to seal
  15. pour some taco sauce in a small bowl and whisk with egg- it gives the crust a shiny brown finish. 
  16. egg wash the whole thing with a brush
  17. poke some holes to release pressure with a fork
  18. I like to make shapes with the left over dough and stick them on with egg wash… like hearts, stars, and skulls like this one that is in the mail on it’s way to me. It will be mine!… skull cookie cutter
  19. bake these beaners for about 15 – 20 min depending on how golden you like them. I like my crispy and brown
  20. take a shot of Tequila!

………cheesy magic: 

  1. heat butter in a small sauce pot
  2. add flour to make a paste
  3. whisk in milk
  4. add cheese 
  5. add chipotle and garlic seasoning
  6. bathe your tongue in this cheesy goodness! Drench the empanadas with this golden love sauce. 

…..Holy Guacamole! 

This, I must divulge in another post… can’t give away all my secrets in one day!  You can either make your own or buy some store crap until then….Tequila Shot! Drink up me hearties yo ho! 

Me with my Tiny Sombrero
A pirates life for me!, Captain sweet tooth, Put it in your mouth, skulls & hearts

Rum Strawberries & Coconut Cream Panna Cotta!

ARRGight ARRGight ARRGight… this is L I V I N. So, I call this the “Lip Smacker” because it tastes like strawberries and cream and makes your mouth say *SmAcK*!  I had some heavy cream and strawberries so I figured… hey, I can make something outta this. All I can say is dayum. When it comes to desserts, the sexiest ones for me are crème brulee and panna cotta.  (Reminder to self: maybe use this for sexy food play night.) It takes a little patience and needs to be real chill….if you get my drift.  I feel like this is a good pirate dessert hence the rum and coconut flavors. Also, t’would be a sweet ass Valentines day treat for the lovers. My recipe makes enough for 3 med wine glasses or 4-5 ramekins but who says you can’t just put it in a big ass bowl and eat it with your face. I don’t judge. No haters allowed.


  • 1 package gelatin (about 6 grams)
  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 1 cup thick coconut milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1tsp coconut extract
  • 1/2 cup honey (buy local bitches)
  • 2 tsp coconut shreds
  • 1 lb strawberries (the big ass package)
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • some kraken rum,http://www.krakenrum.com/ like a shot… then a few shots for you!

……the creamy magic:

  1. Mix gelatin with 2 tsp water in a large mixing bowl and let it poof up for like 10 min while you do other shit
  2. in a large sauce pan bring to a simmer: cream, coconut milk, and honey
  3. when it starts to bubble, take off heat, allow to cool 5 min
  4. add vanilla & coconut extract, gelatin & stir it up..
  5. pour equal parts into 3 wine classes or 4-5 ramekins and set to chill (slanted or flat or what evs…might have to prop that shit up on something like wet paper towels in a bowl).
  6. Just chill.  like 3-4 hours. Can leave over night. fuck it. Do a shot or 3.

……the rum sauce:

  1. boil the washed and sliced strawberries, all accept for 3 of the prettiest ones
  2. add honey and rum and smash with a muddler or a potato smasher. HULK SMASH & do a shot.
  3. then blend in a food processor and chill until it thickens

Layer these sexy beauties when you are ready to serve.  Sprinkle the coconut shavings on top.  Slice the prettiest berries in half and cut a V into the tops to make hearts and stick’em on the side of the glass or slap’em right on top of what ever you poured it into. Now try not to make inappropriate moaning noises whilst eating this. Good luck with that.

A pirates life for me!, brains, Captain sweet tooth, skulls & hearts

Skull cakes with jam brains!

Hells yeah I did! Duncan Hines gave me their amaze balls blue velvet cake mix, so I baked that shit up. Then I scooped out the heads and filled them with home made wild black berry jam brains & iced those bastards with powdered bone dust. Alright… It’s all sugar. So, the brains are made with some hand picked black berries & some fruit based hot sauces all squished together and low boiled with rum, (of course) honey and lemon oil. I’ll post my “sour patch jam” recipe later… Cause it’s the bomb yo!

I fuckin loooove my skull mold / pan found here:http://www.inkedshop.com/3-d-skull-mini-cake-pan.html   I use it for pizza, cakes, jello… And more. (Secrets….I’ve got’em.)

Here is the sauce info: thanks to http://eldoradosauce.com/ & http://bravadospice.com/ and mother nature, I made a berry jam that was literally ….. to die for. muahahahahahahaaa…muahahahahahahaa.!

A pirates life for me!, Breakfast is my first love, Egg zachary, skulls & hearts

Skull Eggs & Cross Bacons

I love BAE (bacon and eggs) and I love stupid acronyms so get used to it. I also play with my food every day and I encourage my deck hands to do the same. This tasty breakfast skullywag is a crew favorite especially when he’s got a Captain pepper jack sparrow eye patch, crispy maple bacon bones, runny eyes and surprised avocado eyebrows.  Beware the creamy, red jalepeño cilantro blood sauce… It’s been known to cause a flaming heart.

I found my skull mold at inked shop, http://www.inkedshop.com/funny-side-up-skull-egg-corral.html but they are everywhere now… Like eBay… For as low as $2.00.