By Galumpkis, shes done it! Whether you are in ketosis and trying to hold steady or you’re sailing the lazy keto ship like this broad, or maybe you just fancy making better choices in life… you’re going to have to have serious will power to not eat more than a serving of these savory treasures. My crew devours these like savages and its fine by me… because little do they know, they’ve been hoodwinked! HEARYE: No spuds were harmed in the making of these rolls. When its cold outside and the meal prep must be done, pull yer lazy bones up by the bootstraps and get’er done. It’s not always what you want to be doing on a Sunday (or Monday in my case) but it will save you precious time and money for other important things… like binge watching Black Sails or Shameless. I call these cabbage rolls, TOADS because they look like toads, duh, and also because the secret ingredient is GOLDEN TOAD SAUCE this recipe uses their Habanero Pepper Sauce. So before you can swear allegiance to the “I DON’T DO SPICY” clan, this stuff is NOT going to burn your face off, or your ass. The subtle yet distinct flavor of this sauce perfectly compliments Italian sausage IMO. You’ll most likely be thanking me later, I accept brief hugs, stickers, rum, and brunch gift cards as thanks. FYI. I swear that these cabbage rolls are the easiest damned things to make but some folks don’t believe me so here’s the skinny…. that’s a pun y’all.. since these delicious AF little toads are SO LOW CARB!
BEWARE: DO NOT LICK ACTUAL TOADS. DO HOWEVER LICK THESE TOAD ROLLS
Prep Time:15 mins
9.4 carbs / 5.9 net carbs per serving – 140 calories – 7 sugars
- 1 head of cabbage (about 1 pound)
- 1/2 pound of mild (or spicy) italian ground beef / sausage
- 1/4 cup parsley – blitzed
- 1/4 cup onion – chopped
- 2 cups of raw cauliflower –riced (messy as all hell but worth its weight in gold)
- 1 egg.. just one lonely ovo
- a few dashes of worchestershire.. worstesher.. worcheshure…wtf ever.. you get it.
- salt and pepper or what ever seasonings you cant live without (I use my blends)
- 6 fresh slices of mozzarella for topping / optional but necessary IMO
- a giant elephant garlic clove like this…Elephant garlic is actually in the leek family
- a whole dang jar of low carb tomato sauce like this one…Raos tomato sauce
- a few dashes (or a few swigs) of Golden toad – Habanero Pepper Sauce
If you don’t have access to riced cauliflower, just whip up your own! It will look like a snow man murder scene in your kitchen, but its actually better. A large head, blitzed real fine is fresh as fuuuu and makes enough cauli-snow for other low carb meals for the week… and you can freeeeze this snow as well. Yes I did.
Lets do this……
- 1. Core the cabbage and pull off the first layer of outer leaves.
- 2. Place in a large pot with about 2 inches of boiling water…
- 3. Let cabbage steam (or let it scream like a mandrake in a hot bath) until the leaves pull off easily and are very pliable without being mushy.. ew.
- 4. Let cool… this is OBVIOUS but you’d be surprised how many land lubbin foggy headed home cooks (myself included) have burned themselves with hot cabbage.
- 5. IF YOU WERE NOT LAZY and you bought an UNPROCESSED head of cauliflower then Process cauliflower in food processor until it is finely chopped, about the size of rice.
- 6. Set aside. Take a shot, or clean up your prep station, you know you’ve made a mess.
- 7. Cook the italian ground beef with the onion, add elephant garlic
- 8. Drain well. Add salt and pepper, seasonings, and that tasty AF golden toad sauce!
- 9. Dump in that parsley, and raw cauliflower
- 10. Beat an egg (I condone egg violence) and mix it all well. This will help the filling stick together.
- 11. Lay a cabbage leaf flat on the counter. Slash the bottom vein to make it fold (behave) bette
- 12. Add a tablespoon or so of the meat mixture to the cabbage and roll up, tucking the ends…. not like this…
- 13. Repeat with all of the cabbage leaves that are big enough.
- 14. Add about 1/4 cup of the RAOs sauce to the bottom of a slow cooker.
- 15. Lay the rolls in the slow cooker…all nice and pretty like.
- 16. Smother with the remaining sauce…yea smear it all over.
- 17. Cook on low for 4-6 hours or cover & cook in the oven at 350F for an hour.
- Now its time for a dance break.. do you remember the Cabbage patch?
- Wow.. that was tough to watch. Hes got scurvy or something.
Now top these hot suckers with mozz slices right before plating, or load up those BPA free meal prep containers and heat up them up when your ready to scarf. The horizon is the limit… never settle for boring just to get healthy. YOU CAN HAVE BOTH! Saving the planet one tongue at a time! #playwithyourfood #makebetterchoices #doyouevensaucebro