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Category Archives: pirates

EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

I am not a traditional wench, as you may have noticed. So when I get an idea to do a “traditional dish” from some other country or region, I’m probably going to twist it up, and do it my way… and this system works for me.  Some people get offended that I don’t follow recipes and I change theirs… but I’m already over this “offended” period of the 2000’s.  Get over it. It’s adventure time! So if you are an adventurous eater / cook.. then you and me should be friends. I am always looking for a new thing to try.. an new hot sauce to use and a new way to do things. This weeks #doyouevensaucebro hot sauce company spotlight is on Voodoo Chile Sauces and their Bhuty Thyme tomato based hot sauce! It tastes like grandmas cookin… if your grandma is a spicy as mine. Speaking of traditional… I LOOOOOVE cast iron especially my passed down LODGE cast iron.  The pirate in me wants to cook everything in a perfectly seasoned IRON pan… dutch oven or skillet. So when I received this deliciously interesting EMU EGG (among many other awesome things shown below) from a local Emu farm (I support buying local when ever possible), I knew I was going to do something with it in my cast iron skillet. There’s something very paleolithic about these ginormous eggs… I fucking lub them.  I had been wanting to make a Shakshuka again for a while… this was it… THANKSGIVING WEEK, the perfect chance to make a dish meant for sharing with others. So I invited the crew over and we grubbed for dinner / neighborsgiving.  So what if it wasn’t for breakfast, I break the rules! You should too.. follow along mates.. here’s the skinny:

 

…….in-greed-ients:

  • 8 oz Chorizo, squish that shit into the LARGE cast iron and fuck it up with a wooden spoon
  • 1Tsp oilve oil
  • 1 small sweet onion, diced
  • 1 small red pepper,  diced – a small jar of roasted red peppers works great too
  • 1 small bulb garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup sherry
  • 1 can diced tomatoes, chopped & not drained (I also used some jarred golden tomatoes from the emu farm and split this part)
  • 1 can drained chickpeas
  • 2 baby bella mushrooms -sliced 
  • 2tsp brown sugar
  • 1tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp coriander
  • 1 tsp mexican oregano
  • 2 tsp cumin
  • a couple of splashes of hot sauce – I like it hot so mo is betta- BHUTY THYME (clickit)
  • 1 emu egg, but I know yall ain’t gonna get one so… 4 – 6 free-range eggs
  • 1 cup feta.. crumbly, salty and awesome
  • fresh culantro  / also called shado beni, (a stronger cilantro falvor) leaves to garnish 
  • half an avocado for garnish 
  • toasted NAAN is my choice of dipping bread.. but you do what you want.

 

…….. shake that shuka:

  1. Heat a large CAST IRON skillet and fry the chorizo until the oils start releasing and the meat browns. Remove the sausage and put baby in a corner for a bit.
  2. Add the olive oil to the pan of orange oil and gently fry the onion for about 3 minutes until softened. Add the red pepper and garlic & continue to fry for a further 2 or so minutes until they too are softened. Return the chorizo to the pan and briefly fry.
  3. Add the sherry and allow the liquid to (mostly) cook off.
  4. Add the tomatoes w liquid, sugar, chickpeas, shrooms, seasonings, and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper if your feeling fiesty… Allow this to bubble on a gentle heat for about 20 minutes. This is where you have a shot and a dance break. SSSSHHHAka khan – tell me somethin good!
  5. Now, if you are adventurous and you’ve gotten an emu egg, you will need to dremel it open.. it’s kind of like brain surgery.  Easy peasy, right. Then gently pour the egg into a buttered frying pan & fry your emu egg until the white is almost done, then gently transfer it to the top of the shakshuka to finish poaching in the sauces. My asshole egg yolk popped but.. it’s actually ok because this much runny yolk would have grossed out my neighbors whom I was sharing this with.  Check out my shitty vid of my dremel vs emu egg action. 

     

  6. but.. if you didn’t get an emu egg, just make several indentations in the top of the shakshuka with the back of a ladle and break your eggs into the holes. Mix the egg white around a bit to loosen and spread… and don’t breaking the damned yolk, that’s eggicide and I would just toss the whole damned thing out if the yolks are popped. Just sayin. Here’s my quail egg mini cast iron shakshuka breakfast the next morning…foog
  7. Cook for a further 3 or so minutes and until the egg whites have hardened. If necessary put a lid on your pan to speed up the process.
  8. Scatter plenty of feta over the monstrosity, then the chopped culantro and the lovely avocado.. then scoop it out onto some warm naan, or what ever.  I served mine with a smoked white wine.. but that… is a whole other blog. 🙂 winr

Drink up me hearties…yo ho! 

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…. as you can see, I really love ALL of the Voodoo awesomesauces, even when they are backwards.  IF you think your worthy… Join my FB group: “Do you even sauce bro” and follow me on IG: the_bomb_noms

NOMASTE! 

 

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Sausage & Purple Cabbage Strata!

Sausage & Purple Cabbage Strata!

I am calling this a “sausage and purple cabbage strata” because the star is really the purple cabbage.. but the meat is muy importante to me as well. The most common modern variant is a brunch dish similar to a quiche or a frittata. So when making a strata, the only components you really have to have is stale bread, eggs, milk, cheese and some type of other shit. Really doesn’t matter what… but the best things that go in them are things like kale, shrooms, onions, bell peppers, fontina, mozzerella, parmesan, cabbage, chard, tomatoes and meat (old, new, ground, chunked, whatever..).The usual preparation requires the bread to be layered with the filling on top in order to produce layers. This pirate wench loves making strata’s… I put them in my category of “Dirty Pirate Hooker” meals. This eloquently named category is based upon the 5 qualifications:

  1. must be easy as fuck
  2. must be able to stick almost anything into them
  3. must be relatively cheap
  4. must be satisfying
  5. must serve a whole crew

I have made this many times but I believe this one is my favorite. It makes me feel like I have won the battle against hunger with every bite. If you know how to use an oven and a stove this should not take long to prepare… but I will explain my process in detail anyway. So don’t get discouraged by the lengthy directions….it really is easy. Also it’s best to make the night before and just pop it in the oven in the morning before the lazies get up…. and in 45 min, you are the victor!

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…….in-greed-ients:

  • 1 pound breakfast sausage

    secret ingredient

    secret ingredient

  • 8 eggs
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 1/2 cup heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup french onion dip –SECRET INGREDIENT 
  • 3-4 small french bread loaves, cubed
  • 2 1/2 cups shredded gruyere cheese
  • 3-4 baby bella shrooms – sliced
  • 1/2 yellow onion- chunky
  • 1-2 leeks 
  • 1/3 head purple cabbage
  • truffle oil
  • EVOO
  • garlic cloves
  • chipolte seasoning, himalayan salt and pink peppercorn & spicy everything seasoning from –FlavorGod

First things first.. the purple cabbage is like gold in this dish and must be treated like royalty. So, slice that purple head in disks and bathe the disks in truffle oil… along with the garlic cloves and leeks…cleaned properly here-leek prep.  If you don’t know how to peel garlic like a pro.. get this:easy as fuck garlic peeler.  I love truffle oil.  It’s my fav condiment besides hot sauce.

……Roasting magic:

  • Heat that oven to 400* and shove in the veggies- prepared, lathered & seasoned with all 3 seasonings from above
  • Pre warning, this roasting period is torture…you can smell it but you cant touch it… for about 40-45 minutes. You might want to take the leeks and garlic out at 20-25 min and leave the cabbage to finish sun tanning. Nobody likes burned garlic.
  • whilst you wait… butter the bottoms of your dishes of choice, I like my clay Cazuela, casserole dishes and pie dishes, but a 9X13 or 2 smaller ones will do.
  • cut the stale bread into cubes. Why stale? Because it helps soak the egg & cream mix without it getting soggy! When i say stale, I don’t mean hard and crusty.. these are not meant to be like hard tack…. just a little “un fresh”.
  • pour some EVOO into a large pan and brown the yellow onions
  • add sausage to pan, add seasoning and cook until done
  • add mushrooms last so they stay firm…just a minute or two more… then take off heat
  • the cabbage is done so chop the leeks and cabbage into large chunks and set aside.
  • mix eggs, milk, cream, dip, 2 cups of cheese and seasoning in a bowl and whisk it like you mean it.How to whisk like you mean it  here is a great video if you actually give a shit about learning stuff. Which I do.

……let’s layer this baby:

  1. (butter) bread cubes
  2. meat & shroom mix
  3. cabbage, garlic clove & leek mix
  4. creamy egg mix – poor it all over and watch it sink in.
  5. Cover it and cool it. Put these dishes in the fridge over night.

Next morning: bake that son of hooker at 350* for 45 min… top with the rest of the shredded cheese and serve it to the starving ungrateful masses. 

It’s just science.. that on this ship, he may have better hair than me, but I have more talent in my little finger.  Here’s to dirty pirate hookers! Huzzah!

 

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INDEPENDENCE JELL-O-SHOTS!

INDEPENDENCE JELL-O-SHOTS!

YAY FOR AMERICA! The fourth of July is always a great reminder of how lucky we all are to be free from tyranny! Free to be pirates if we want to, or to eat meat and drink beer and blow shit up! ‘Murica, the land of the free and home of the Jell-O-shot. There is a long and interesting history of pirates and privateers fleeing the waters of the British Empire to be free and trade (or steal) where ever they pleased. There is hidden treasure and buried loot every where along the eastern shores and islands. I made some of my very own treasure this Independence day, and although red white and blue were the 13 colonies colors, anyone can claim them. The American flag stands for freedom and I’m all about that.. that and rum. I’m all about that too. See my patriotism below: I made 160 but I think 90 would do just fine for a righteous pirate party. This takes time so start early… like the afternoon before you need them.

…….in-greed-ients:

  • 2 3 oz package of blue jello
  • 2 3 oz package of cherry jello
  • 4 packets of knox gelatin
  • 1 cup coconut milk
  • 1 can sweetened condensed milk
  • 2 cups cherry rum
  • 2 cups whipped cream rum
  • 2 cups coconut rum (I chose the captain morgan brand…of course)
  • about 90 jello shot cups.

………Jell-O magic:

  1. first, set up the cups on trays of some kind so you can transport them to a fridge
  2. get fridge ready – make some space for these suckers cause they are gonna need it
  3. in a pot boil 2 cups water
  4. add cherry jello, let it dissolve, add 2 cups cherry rum
  5. allow it to cool and pour a layer into the cups- try not to spill that shit everywhere… good luck with that.
  6. carry them to the fridge ….carefully.
  7. while they are setting (the package says 4 hours but they could be ready in 2-3 hours) have a party.. drink some shots.. what ever. IMG_0314
  8. continue this routine with the white but use the condensed milk and coconut milk instead of water to boil. Remove Add knox and stir until dissolved… then remove from heat, add coconut rum. Let it cool,
  9. and pour it into cups carefully not to disturb the red layer. Use a spoon to be safe.
  10. put the trays in the fridge again for several hours. Have some more shots! At this point we let the kids practice bartending for us. IMG_0591
  11. Now boil the 2 cups of water for the blue
  12. remove from heat and add blue jello, dissolve, add whipped cream rum, cool,
  13. go get the trays out and use a spoon to pour.
  14. fridge.
  15. drink some shots

Tomorrow the shots should be ready for lids and transport. They should stay firm whilst sitting out for a long time. I like to stack them for a more patriotic effect.

Arrrrrrhmerica! Fuckyeah!

 

 

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Plantain Cups with Mango & Avocado

Plantain Cups with Mango & Avocado

Most North American land lubbers have not experimented much with the plantain. This is a “the gods damned”  travesty. Plantains are fucking amazeballs.  We pirates LOoOoOve them and eat them frequently, as well as mango!  First off, don’t confuse them with plain old bananas. I  mean nanas are great too… but not as sexy & versatile! You can make plantains sweet or savory because they are a lot like potatoes and bananas. I have sautéed them in honey, mashed them with butter and garlic, fried them and flambéed them with rum, ect… Here is a recipe that is easier than shit. I know yall lazy skurvs like easy….its great for summer.  So go get you some plantains and get to work, savy?

…in-greed-ients:

  • 2 medium ripe plantains, peeled, chopped in a food processor (not blended)
  • some coconut flakes (like a cup)
  • 1 large egg + 1 egg white
  • 1 can coconut milk – the good shit not the light – chillin like a villain.
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • some honey – BUY LOCAL BITCHES – I’m currently using this brand: Goodflow Honey
  • a mango
  • an avocado
  • some chopped cilantro
  • 1 lime (juice)
  • cinnamon (powdered)
  • Himalayan pink salt & cracked pepper

……the magic:

  • preheat oven to 400*
  • chop plantain in a food processor until rice like
  • add eggs and coconut to plantain in a bowl – coat and toss and season with salt and pepper.
  • spray muffin / cupcake tin with cooking spray
  • spoon a glob into each hole. use a shot glass to make the cup shape, buy pressing down in the center and on the sides
  • bake for 15 min
  • whilst they are baking, pour coconut cream, vanilla, and honey in to bowl and mix with a hand blender or immersion blender until whipped…like 7 minutes. set aside.
  • chop/ slice avocado and mango into cubes. Toss it wit cilantro and lime juice and cinnamon. Let me splain:

Now fill those glory holes with the delicioso mix! Top with some of that creamy whipped goodness, sprinkle some more coconut flakes on top, and there ya have it mates….. dessert is served.  Yar brethren court should approve!                                                              (my cream sat too long before the picture was taken here). IMG_3607

 

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Philly cheesesteak hermits!

Philly cheesesteak hermits!

Holy mother of pearls!  What’s this treasure you Say? How about some humungo shells… Stuffed with a Philly cheesesteak and smothered in creamy Alfredo sauce? Um… Fuuuuck yeah. I made two of these because I knew the first mate would swallow it up before I could say “go”. I just didn’t want a messy sandwich and I’m bored with stuffing the regular shit into shells. So, after some googling…..this creation was born. It is definitely NOT something you (nor I) should eat often. But, it should be devoured at least once… And as Gramma C always says….

“Try every damn thing once, so you know what your not missing.”

.…..in-greed-ients

  • 1 box of humungo shells (about 10-12 oz)
  • garlic cloves – I like that shit yo! Also, you need this onboard… http://ceramicgrater.com/
  • Olive oil -some
  • 1/2 cup diced yellow onions – yes, the kind really fucking matters 
  • 1/2 cup diced green bell peppers
  • 1/2 cup diced baby Bella shrooms 
  • 1 lb strip steak – # the shit out of it first &  chop it like its hot
  • 8 oz cream cheese
  • 1 cup Italian cheeses – hells yeah 
  • 1 jar of your fav Alfredo sauce ( I make my own…. But I know that’s just crazy talk)
  • himalayan salt, cayenne, white pepper
  • 2 round pie dishes or my personal fav; cazuellas, which if you don’t know… http://amzn.com/B0019ZOY48 now Ya know. 

.……..the creamy magic 

  1. boil shells in a lot of water- about 10 min. Al dentè that shit & set aside. 
  2. Preheat oven to 350*
  3. brown strip steak with oil
  4. add chopped veggies and seasoning… Don’t be a puss n boots….bring the heat
  5. remove from heat and stir in all that cream cheese (que the sexy music) 
  6. Pour 1/4 Alfredo sauce in EACH dish (spoon it around) 
  7. Stuff those fat little bastards and lay them in a spiral on top of the sauce, because it fucking looks cool
  8. Pour the last of the sauce split on top of the two dishes… Just drown them
  9. cover w foil, bake for 30 min 
  10. uncover, top w that cheese & broil on low for 10 min. Don’t fucking burn it, that would blow holes! 

Serve these tasty morsels with pride… Because they are amaze-balls! Make’em swab the dishes or t’tha locker they go. 

 

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Fish Tacos with Mango salsa & bacon!

Fish Tacos with Mango salsa & bacon!

So, my first mate loves to fish, but only in the sea because fresh water fishing is “boring”.  Which means, I get to spend the  entire days he goes fishing… at the beach Booiiii!  That aslo means we have flounder, sheepshead, trout, mackerel, blue crabs…..ect… on hand most of the year.  Every Tuesday I get a hankering for some form of tacos… hence, fish tacos on #tacotuesday! These flounder tacos were flipping delish.  I saved two for the neighbors like I always do, because I’m an over sharer…but then they disappeared… into my belly…. which I call “The Kraken”.

….bottoms up

  • 6-8 small corn tortillas (I know them fuckers come in a pack of 1 zillion so it doesn’t matter how many I say here)
  • pam
  • muffin / cupcake pan

here fishy fishy:

  • 3 filets flounder – thawed
  • 1 ginger root
  • whole clove garlic
  • 1 lemon
  • 1 tbsp butter (reaaalll butter damnit)

…lets do the salsa:

  • 3 fat green jalepenos – sliced
  • 1 ear roasted corn – cut off the cob please
  • 3-5 orange baby bell peppers -sliced  / or 1 reg bell -diced
  • a hand full of cherry tomatoes -cut in halves
  • cilantro – I like that shit yo. -chopped
  • lime juice
  • 1 mango – cubed

…to top it off:

  • 4 strips pre cooked maple bacon – break that shit up
  • man, if you don’t have any Torchy’s “damn good diablo” sauce yet…http://torchystacos.com/store/hot-sauce/ getchusome and swirl it on top of stuff  like this. Shit… you can even lick it off of… things.. (note to self: use torchys sauce for sexy food play night)

Now for the magic:

  1. Puree ginger , lemon juice & garlic and coat the fish. Wrap in a foil pouch with all puree on top and throw some damn butter on it too… let it sit in fridge.
  2. Preheat oven to 400*. Spray the bottom of the cupcake pan with pam and place tortillas in between to make “cups”. Bake them for about 8 min (or until crispy, I mean, whos oven is always accurate anyway.)  I’m pretty sure that only 3 or 4 can fit at a time so… you will have to do this shit twice or three times.
  3. Bake fish pouch 10-15 min @400. (with second batch of taco cups but watch them.. I burned a few here)
  4. Whilst that is baking, chop all the salsa ingredients and squeeze lime all over it. (salt and pepper if you wish).
  5. get the pre cooked bacon ready… tear it up… what ever. If you didn’t pre cook it, now you will wish you had
  6. now spoon some salsa in to the cups, place a chunk of ginger fish on top, crumble bacon, swirl the sauce… and HUZZAH!!!
  7. Eat that shit. It’s so good.
 

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