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Category Archives: Party People

Cuban Eggrolls!

Cuban Eggrolls!

National FOOD TRUCK day was spent at home this year….we are preparing for our annual Halloween extravaganza and thusly are too poor to go downtown just for food. I still needed some food truck in my life. So, I prepared one of the items that I would sell from my imaginary food truck. CUBANO EGGROLLS fool! I mean, obvs i’m big into “fusion” foods.. and obvs i’m creative AF…..but I am also super into promoting local. (In case you didn’t already know).  I purchased this cannon-balls relish called  Dillapeno (<<buy it here <<) relish from the Smithers Family at the  Houston Hot Sauce Festival I attend every year.  If you love pickles.. as I do… PLEASE try this shiz. I used it in place of pickle slices in my cubans. I made waaay to many but luckily I have a large hungry crew of friends who randomly sail by to graze grub…. otherwise I would be way larger and way in charger.  On my food truck, I would make these dericious cuban wraps becasue they are totally finger food and totally a “quickie” item. I wrap so tight… you should too.       

………in-greed-ients:

  • 1 pack of eggroll wraps
  • 1/4 lb swiss cheese slices
  • 1/2 lb of roasted pork slices
  • 1/2 lb of sliced ham…preferably smoked somehow.
  • a thing of spicy / sweet dijon mustard
  • some dill jalepeno relish
  • garlic powder, salt & pepper
  • egg wash
  • stuff for frying.. ie: pan, oil, fire.

…….Cuban magic:

  1. lay an eggroll wrap on a cutting board
  2. throw down the ham
  3. throw down the pork
  4. slap it with a half slice of cheese
  5. spoon out some relish
  6. squirt out some ‘tard
  7. season
  8. roll…..just roll along…..just roll along….
  9. egg wash to seal
  10. fry that shit.

This halloween, the first mate is going to be a zombie Ricky Ricardo and I am going to be a Zombie Lucy so we need to practice our cuban dancing….. so here:

 

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INDEPENDENCE JELL-O-SHOTS!

INDEPENDENCE JELL-O-SHOTS!

YAY FOR AMERICA! The fourth of July is always a great reminder of how lucky we all are to be free from tyranny! Free to be pirates if we want to, or to eat meat and drink beer and blow shit up! ‘Murica, the land of the free and home of the Jell-O-shot. There is a long and interesting history of pirates and privateers fleeing the waters of the British Empire to be free and trade (or steal) where ever they pleased. There is hidden treasure and buried loot every where along the eastern shores and islands. I made some of my very own treasure this Independence day, and although red white and blue were the 13 colonies colors, anyone can claim them. The American flag stands for freedom and I’m all about that.. that and rum. I’m all about that too. See my patriotism below: I made 160 but I think 90 would do just fine for a righteous pirate party. This takes time so start early… like the afternoon before you need them.

…….in-greed-ients:

  • 2 3 oz package of blue jello
  • 2 3 oz package of cherry jello
  • 4 packets of knox gelatin
  • 1 cup coconut milk
  • 1 can sweetened condensed milk
  • 2 cups cherry rum
  • 2 cups whipped cream rum
  • 2 cups coconut rum (I chose the captain morgan brand…of course)
  • about 90 jello shot cups.

………Jell-O magic:

  1. first, set up the cups on trays of some kind so you can transport them to a fridge
  2. get fridge ready – make some space for these suckers cause they are gonna need it
  3. in a pot boil 2 cups water
  4. add cherry jello, let it dissolve, add 2 cups cherry rum
  5. allow it to cool and pour a layer into the cups- try not to spill that shit everywhere… good luck with that.
  6. carry them to the fridge ….carefully.
  7. while they are setting (the package says 4 hours but they could be ready in 2-3 hours) have a party.. drink some shots.. what ever. IMG_0314
  8. continue this routine with the white but use the condensed milk and coconut milk instead of water to boil. Remove Add knox and stir until dissolved… then remove from heat, add coconut rum. Let it cool,
  9. and pour it into cups carefully not to disturb the red layer. Use a spoon to be safe.
  10. put the trays in the fridge again for several hours. Have some more shots! At this point we let the kids practice bartending for us. IMG_0591
  11. Now boil the 2 cups of water for the blue
  12. remove from heat and add blue jello, dissolve, add whipped cream rum, cool,
  13. go get the trays out and use a spoon to pour.
  14. fridge.
  15. drink some shots

Tomorrow the shots should be ready for lids and transport. They should stay firm whilst sitting out for a long time. I like to stack them for a more patriotic effect.

Arrrrrrhmerica! Fuckyeah!

 

 

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GOING HAM ROLLS!

GOING HAM ROLLS!

This fourth of July I made several things (I will post next). One of which was my “goin HAM rolls”. These rolls aren’t magic but they are pretty damned tasty… enough to be requested every year. I scoured the internet for a recipe just like it but apparently it’s pretty original. Everyone makes these with just pickles and cream cheese or rolled in tortilla to make pinwheels…ok. What ever floats your schooner.  I usually alter my recipes over time…this one is from my late momma and I don’t have to change it at all.  Mother effing Perfection rolled up and swallowed.  The key to a great “party appetizer” is simple first, then tasty… don’t try to be too fancy when it just needs to be a counter top finger food item.  From the Master at Arms down to the powder monkeys and swabbers alike, they will ALL have their dirty nose pickers all over these sons a bitches. So get out the biggest cutting board you’ve got in the scullery and go crazy! AAAAAaahhhhhhh!

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…….in-greed-ients:

  • 2 packs of rectangle ham. Comes with about 20 or so pieces of ham.
  • 2 packs of 8 0z cream cheese -the softer the better
  • 1 yellow bell sliced long ways very thin
  • 2-3 roma tomatoes sliced in long strips
  • 2 giant dill pickles – sliced thin strips but slice out soft seedy middles and eat them now.. you probably need a snack… and no one likes soggy pickle spears in their ham rolls.
  • several slices of red onion – use the outside long pieces not the small round center pieces
  • 7-9 pieces of pre cooked bacon (I like the spicy jalepeno bacon for this)
  • 5-6 slices of sharp cheddar cheese -sliced in 1/4 inch thin strips
  • flavorgod, spicy everything seasoning –Spicy Everything
  • Himalayan salt & cracked pepper
  • garlic powder

……. ROLL magic:

  1. cut everything to fit the size of the ham rolls, nothing should stick out on the sides.
  2. lay out them slices of ham all over the board
  3. take about a whole finger sized chunk of cream cheese and slap it on one side of the ham slice, continue this for all slices.. put cream cheese finger on the same side on all.
  4. use a butter knife to spread the cream cheese across the ham… not the entire slice should be covered…just leave a half inch not slathered.
  5. place a piece of bacon on the blank spaces
  6. place a slice of bell
  7. slice of pickle
  8. slice of onion
  9. slice of tomato
  10. slice of thin cheese
  11. sprinkle all with seasonings
  12. start roll with food side and roll towards thick cream cheese side. The cream cheese will be like glue.
  13. eat the rest of the stuffs… my favorite part.

AVAST YE! You’ve done it. Now try not to eat them all before the party. Here is some wacky ass shit. Watch it….and GO HAM!

 

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Fried Chicken & Waffles!

Fried Chicken & Waffles!

Oh my sweet baby sea god posideon! We brunch like we mean it in my family. So it was just fathers day and we had a great time showing the fathers how important their years of beatings were, because our morale eventually improved! Thanks dads. You truly whipped us into shape. We lub you.

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IMG_4775

My sister wench gets a SPECIAL GUEST SPOTLIGHT this week. She is amazing in the kitchen and aspires to be a personal chef some day so…. 3 cheers for “Captain Blaire” my sister wench for the incrediballs brunch she prepared for our fathers day feasting pleasure.  Hip hip Huzzah! 

She prepared bacon, parmesan, peppercorn Belgian waffles with a scallion garlic butter, and a chipotle maple syrup.  Strat-daddy fried up his famous fried chicken wings… nothing schmancy about it. Fried chicken needs no frills….it’s that damned good. I took the left over waffles home and Broseph took home the left over meat.  That’s how we do it. Why were there any left overs you ask? Well, we, as a family, tend to make waaaaay too much food. It works out well for the left over department. The minion loves the waffles.

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 3  large eggs
  • 1 3/4 Cup  all-purpose flour
  • 1 Tbl.  baking powder
  • 1 1/2 Tsp.  salt
  • 3 Oz.  shredded parmesan cheese (3/4 cup)
  • 1 Tbl.  fresh cracked black pepper
  • 1 schtick of butta – melted
  • garlic butter
  • chopped scallions
  • 1/4 lb of bacon
  • chipotle mayple syrup (can make your own with some canned chipotles in oil and Canadian mayple syrup)
  • electric mixer
  • badass waffle iron – Suggestions: http://amzn.com/B00ITPJ0HM

…… waffle magic:

  1. cook bacon, remove from pan, and swashbuckle that shit. chop chop chop it like its hot.
  2. beat eggs on medium speed 3 minutes or until very pale and foamy.
  3. Sift flour, baking powder and salt into medium bowl
  4. whisk in cheese and pepper until combined
  5. Whisk milk and butter into flour mixture, whisking just until combined; do not overmix (batter will be lumpy).
  6. With wooden spoon, fold in eggs.
  7. ladle a heaping ladle full of batter into waffle iron (just enough to cover surface of waffle iron). sprinkle with bacon!!!!
  8. Cook waffles until golden brown and steam is no longer escaping from iron. Hot dayum, you did it.
  9. while those are cooking, mix chopped scallions in garlic butter
  10. now slather that baby with scallion garlic butter and bacon crumbles and douse it with chipotle maple syrup!
  11. mouthgasm
Chicken & Waffles

Chicken & Waffles

Happy fathers day to the keeper of the codes!

 

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Cherry bombs with lemon sugar

Cherry bombs with lemon sugar

Yes… I know any old scurv can make jell-o, but you would be surprised how many people don’t use the correct ingredients. It’s supposed to have RUM, come on people. The trick to getting ALL your friends to “lick them out” instead of digging around with their fingers like cave people, is Rim them with Lemon Sugar. This pic shows them with the lemon sugar on top…that’s because I had too much rum whilst making them and almost forgot. I know, I know. Ammature.  Great for parties and even just for a Friday night alone…. with the kids. Like tonight. Drink up me hearties yoho!

….in-greed-ients

  • 2 packs of cherry jell-O
  • 1 bottle of rum – my favorite is http://www.krakenrum.com/ (yes you need the whole bottle…you will make more some day)
  • cold water (that shit comes right out of the sink, its amazing)
  • 2 lemons
  • 1/3 cup sugar
  • a rimmer – yea like the margarita things.. this Is important or you will have to just drop the sugar on top like the pic.http://www.amazon.com/DOZENEGG-Margarita-Cocktail-Glass-Rimmer/dp/B000FUJ2LI
  • red bing cherries sliced in half and pitted
  • roses lime juice
  • shot cups from party store & a tray or 3 to put them on in fridge

…..Suga suga

  1. zest lemons into a cup
  2. mix zest with a little lemon juice…not  a lot.
  3. mix with sugar, stir it up little darling
  4. freeze over night so the sugar becomes “infused”

The magic:

  1. boil 2 cups water
  2. set cups out on the trays (like 30 or so… I actually never counted.. whoops)
  3. drop a cherry half in each cup (drink a shot)
  4. add 2 packages of Jell-O to the boiled water (now turned off and taken off heat) and stir
  5. add 2 cups rum (drink a shot)
  6. pour into cups but don’t fill to top
  7. chill over night  (do shots!)
  8. with roses lime juice in it, then dip into the lemon sugar
  9. serve them hush puppies!
  10. Do a demonstration on how to properly do a Jell-O shot. like this dirty little devil here

Hopefully you made some boring non alchie ones for the kids… if not.. bad form! They like Jell-O shots too.

 

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