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Category Archives: It aint easy bein cheesy

Grilled Hatch Pimento Mac & Cheese!

Grilled Hatch Pimento Mac & Cheese!

…..and then the clouds parted and the light shown down in glittering rays, the angel choir sang and the trumpets played…the gods have smiled upon this dish indeed! I mean…a “Grilled hatch pimento mac & cheese” just makes me drool saying it.. I can’t even tell you in words how lip smacking good this was.  You are going to have to conjure it up yourselves. I have always wanted to make a grilled mac & cheese but now that its HATCH SEASON…. I have been making hatch-ALL THE THINGS!  I served this sammich beast with some home made creamy tomato basil soup that was the tits, but that’s a whole other post. Pre warning, this is not diet food, rabbit food, muthafukin carb free, gluten free or sugar free. BUT.. it IS amazeballs so, if you want to taste life and put the melancholy and infinite sadness of healthy eating on the sidelines for just a minute….grab these items below and lets shove off on a mystical journey… in your mouth.

……..in-greed-ients:

  • bacon pan
  • food processor
  • baking tray covered in foil
  • panini maker if you have one.. if you don’t.. it’d be a lot cooler if you did.
  • food processor
  • 6 slices of sourdough bread
  • 6 slices of hatch bacon
  • 2 hatch chilis – they come in different levels of spicy… get the hot ones or you’re not a goonie!
  • 1 bell pepper
  • 2 cloves garlic, smashed and chopped
  • 1 teaspoon smoked paprika
  • 1 teaspoon FRANKS red hot sauce
  • some smoked salt and black pepper
  • 1 cup miracle whip (because we fucking hate mayonasty)
  • 1 cup shredded smoked Cheddar
  • 3 slices of sharp cheddar cheese
  • 1 box of organic spiral mac & cheese (or you can make the shit yourself if your super cool.. I am not too cool for the box)
  • wyatts finishing butter – In garlic herb. I say this brand because its the shit, but you can make your own garlic herb butter too. – obviously. –Wyatts Finishing butters

…….roasting magic:

  1. spray foil lined pan and roast (broil) hatch peppers and bell pepper on high for 8-10 minutes, rotating them like a white girl sunbathing on the beach of ARUBA.
  2. let them cool… then skin them alive! Also sqeeze out the seeds. It should be easy to peel the skin off if you have had any damn  patience at all.
  3. chop them chunky like

……the pimento, bacon & mac magic:

  1. In food processor, blend together the garlic, paprika, hot sauce, cayenne,  salt and some black pepper.
  2. Then add the mayonnaise, smoked Cheddar, and pulse until combined.
  3. Put the mixture in a bowl
  4. MAKE THE MAC according to the instructions.
  5. fold in the cooked pasta with the pimento mix and fridge it for a minute
  6. cook that bacon yo!  Then place it on a napkin to drain.
  7. mix all peppers by folding into the mac and pimento mix

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……..the grilled baby cheesus magic:

  1. butter one side of all bread
  2. place one slice of bread -butter side down- on the HOT panini maker (or skillet)
  3. plop a bunch of that pimento hatch mac right on it
  4. place 2 strips of bacon in an X right on top… because X marks the spot mates!
  5. top it with one of them slices of cheddar
  6. then the bread -butter side up – and close the lid and hear it sizzle and turn nice and buttery golden
  7. slice in half diagonally and serve with creamy basil tomato soup with a dollop of pesto and a basil leaf… lookin like a damn pro and shit.

Obviously you will have some left over mac…. that’s fanfreakingtastic because you are going to want another one tomorrow. Just one… more… taste. It’s way safer than crack so go ahead..

LOL! It’s safe to say, that I will never be too thin or have an eating disorder.  I love food and life too much.. so remember…

“Life is short…. so eat the butter, buy the shoes… and drink up me hearties yoho!”

 

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Taco Frito Empanadas!

Taco Frito Empanadas!

Why Yes, I do like to theme cook! I theme dress, theme drink and theme party, why not theme cook too? On Tuesdays we TACO…..or some version of something “taco like”.  I serve Mexican beer or we take tequila shots and sometimes I wear my tiny sombrero. Its mucho adorkable. This week I made taco empanadas with fritos and ranch beans…..and it was a bitchin success! I made 6 and it fed 3 with 2 for the first mate to take to work the next day. This shit was so easy… even a white girl can do it! Most empanadas are of Latin origin, have a pastry shell, and either a savory or a sweet filling. As you know, I am a savory wench. A lot of empanada recipes have cheese inside it.. I don’t like to do that because when reheating them, the cheese gets fucking weird. So I made a chipotle queso sauce to smother these fuckers with. Also, no taco type substance is complete without an avocado element. Hence, HOLY GUACAMOLE! (not included in this post) The minion was all “I don’t like the yellow things” and I was all…”suck it up and eat it or starve!”  Long story long… the crew didn’t starve, and will survive to fight another day thanks to Captain D’kay and her taco frito empanadas!

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……in-greed-ients:

  • 2 thawed pie pastrys (comes with two per box usually)
  • some flour – to keep things from getting sticky
  • 1/2 lb lean ground beef
  • 1/2 can rotel with chilies
  • 1/2 can golden hominy
  • 1/4 diced white onion
  • some minced garlic
  • 1/2 cup fritos- crushed (like when chang crushes fritos in OITNB…if you have seen that one)
  • taco seasoning mix-powder
  • 2 green jalepenos – diced and deseeded 
  • 1 can RANCH BEANS – that’s right.. because this is MY WAY damnit! 
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tbsp taco sauce

…….Dama El Grande Queso!:

  • 1/2 cup sharp cheddar
  • 1/2 cup monterey jack 
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1 tbsp butter
  • 1 tbsp flour
  • smoked chipotle powder
  • garlic powder

…… Taco magic: 

  1. pour evoo in a large deep pan
  2. brown onions for 2 minutes then add garlic
  3. add beef and taco seasoning – brown
  4. add rotel and hominy
  5. smash ranch beans in a bowl with a potato masher- HULK SMASH!
  6. a round of tequila shots for you, yourself and your other hand.  You deserve it!
  7. roll out pie dough on floured surface
  8. cut out rounds as big as your hand (makes about 6 depending on your size- I put my hand down and make a circle around it with my blade)
  9. press scraps together and make more rounds – it’s easy if you try.
  10. spoon some beans onto the middle of each round
  11. spoon some beef mix onto the middle of each round
  12. top with some crushed fritos 
  13. fold over and press down on sides with fingers
  14. fork around the edges to seal
  15. pour some taco sauce in a small bowl and whisk with egg- it gives the crust a shiny brown finish. 
  16. egg wash the whole thing with a brush
  17. poke some holes to release pressure with a fork
  18. I like to make shapes with the left over dough and stick them on with egg wash… like hearts, stars, and skulls like this one that is in the mail on it’s way to me. It will be mine!… skull cookie cutter
  19. bake these beaners for about 15 – 20 min depending on how golden you like them. I like my crispy and brown
  20. take a shot of Tequila!

………cheesy magic: 

  1. heat butter in a small sauce pot
  2. add flour to make a paste
  3. whisk in milk
  4. add cheese 
  5. add chipotle and garlic seasoning
  6. bathe your tongue in this cheesy goodness! Drench the empanadas with this golden love sauce. 

…..Holy Guacamole! 

This, I must divulge in another post… can’t give away all my secrets in one day!  You can either make your own or buy some store crap until then….Tequila Shot! Drink up me hearties yo ho! 

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Me with my Tiny Sombrero

 

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PIZZA BUNDT!

PIZZA BUNDT!

Holy pepperoni batman! Thank the gods for pizza bundt cake! The crew had been begging for something bad… something so bad it’s good. I can’t lie… I had the itch too.  I had heard of such a thing before, but never had I been privy to such a tasty mouthful of desire before. I’m literally drooling whilst writing about it. Maybe I will have that last tiny slice in the fridge real quick…..IMG_1095

OK, now I can continue. The first mate finally (after I tortured him and threatened the plank) decided to grace me with his presence in the skullery. I loved that he got his hands dirty… dirty with pizza juices!  This was so simple and perfect for a Friday night for our Pirates of the Caribbean marathon.  I don’t usually like to slave away on Friday nights but, I’m currently poor and still hungry. Hence… PIZZA BUNDT is amazeballs.  Especially when its drunk drizzled with a zesty pizza sauce.  Also, I did everything the lazy way.. no organic or home made shit in this recipe. Sometimes you gotta let loose and eat junk. We are fat and happy today. You should be too. Huzzah!

……..in-greed-ients:

  • 2 Cans of rolled Pizza Dough
  • 2 cups Mozzarella cheese
  • 1 cup Parmesan cheese
  • a healthy hand full of a really good Italian seasoning
  • a few fresh basil leaves chopped small
  • ⅓ cup EVOO
  • 1 – 8 oz package of teeny mini pepperoni (turkeyroni will work too)
  • a few spoonfulls of fresh minced garlic
  • OPTIONAL but suggested because it’s tasty as fuck: 1 small can of  drained pineapple chunks
  • OPTIONAL but suggested because it’s tasty as fuck: 1 small can of drained sliced black olives
  • 1 small jar of zesty pizza sauce

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………PIZZA magic:

  1. preheat oven to 350
  2. chop dough in to slices then quarters
  3. mix all this shit ACCEPT the sauce, in a large bowl….toss it and floss it. Use your hands…..it’s more fun.  
  4. put it all in to a sprayed bundt pan
  5. bake uncovered for about 25-30 minutes
  6. plop it on a plate, serving tray, and cover with sauce (it’s like pizza icing)
  7. sprinkle with more parm
  8. slice and stuff it in your face

Pizza bundt

Pizza bundt

 

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Shrimp & cheesy grits!

Shrimp & cheesy grits!

I don’t cook on Fridays if I can manage not to. It’s my fun day to go out to eat!!! Tonight I will engorge myself with draft beers and specialty pizzas from the Alamo Draft House movie theater with my girl posse with our minions in tow. We will be obnoxious, laugh too loud, sneak drinks and snacks in our purses and stay too long.  I mean, we paid like a gazillion $$ for tickets so we figure we deserve a little looting and pillaging is in order.  Alas… I still have soooo many blog worthy recipes that I need to share, so here’s this gem for ya.  I have not made this in a hot minute! It is one of our favorite meals around here. When the day is long, and the crew is hangry and needs to grub quickly, You can never go wrong with a southern dish like this. You’re probably like, “Oh sure, quick my Aunt Fanny!” I promise its not that hard…or long… lol.  Check it: 30 min tops.

….. in-greed-ients

  • 3 tbsp of butta
  • 1 or 2 jalepenos sliced and diced bruh
  • 4 cups chicken broth
  • 1 cup stone ground grits
  • 4 strips of peppercorn bacon
  • 1 1/2 cups (6 oz.) shredded Monterey Jack cheese
  • some flavorgod spicy everything seasoning and Himalayan pink salt. Maybe its time I tell you why I choose this salt.. in case you don’t already know. http://www.naturalnews.com/028724_Himalayan_salt_sea.html#    Mamma says, that table salt is the debil.
  • 1 pound skrimps, peeled depooped
  • 4 teaspoons lemon juice
  • 1 cup thinly chopped green onions
  • 1 large clove garlic, minced
  • 1/2 lb assorted color baby bell peppers sliced only

…….the magic:

  1. sautee jalepenos in butter till soft… set aside (like 5 min or you could skip this step if your a puss)
  2. bring broth to a boil, add salt and seasoning, add grits and cook about 20-25 min (until all liquid is sucked up)
  3. remove from heat, add butter, cheese, cooked jalepenos 
  4. wash & pat skrimp dry
  5. fry the bacon:https://youtu.be/W54O5Ia7nrs
  6. Add skrimp, garlic, lemon juice and sliced peppers to skillet with bacon grease and fry until skrimp are pink!

……plating this stuff:

  1. stir cheesy grits and add more cheese if its has gotten dry, spoon some into a bowl
  2. top with skrimp and peppers mix
  3. crumble bacon on top ( or mix it in grits)
  4. sprinkle with chopped green onion
  5. eat it…eat it….just eat it…

 

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Philly cheesesteak hermits!

Philly cheesesteak hermits!

Holy mother of pearls!  What’s this treasure you Say? How about some humungo shells… Stuffed with a Philly cheesesteak and smothered in creamy Alfredo sauce? Um… Fuuuuck yeah. I made two of these because I knew the first mate would swallow it up before I could say “go”. I just didn’t want a messy sandwich and I’m bored with stuffing the regular shit into shells. So, after some googling…..this creation was born. It is definitely NOT something you (nor I) should eat often. But, it should be devoured at least once… And as Gramma C always says….

“Try every damn thing once, so you know what your not missing.”

.…..in-greed-ients

  • 1 box of humungo shells (about 10-12 oz)
  • garlic cloves – I like that shit yo! Also, you need this onboard… http://ceramicgrater.com/
  • Olive oil -some
  • 1/2 cup diced yellow onions – yes, the kind really fucking matters 
  • 1/2 cup diced green bell peppers
  • 1/2 cup diced baby Bella shrooms 
  • 1 lb strip steak – # the shit out of it first &  chop it like its hot
  • 8 oz cream cheese
  • 1 cup Italian cheeses – hells yeah 
  • 1 jar of your fav Alfredo sauce ( I make my own…. But I know that’s just crazy talk)
  • himalayan salt, cayenne, white pepper
  • 2 round pie dishes or my personal fav; cazuellas, which if you don’t know… http://amzn.com/B0019ZOY48 now Ya know. 

.……..the creamy magic 

  1. boil shells in a lot of water- about 10 min. Al dentè that shit & set aside. 
  2. Preheat oven to 350*
  3. brown strip steak with oil
  4. add chopped veggies and seasoning… Don’t be a puss n boots….bring the heat
  5. remove from heat and stir in all that cream cheese (que the sexy music) 
  6. Pour 1/4 Alfredo sauce in EACH dish (spoon it around) 
  7. Stuff those fat little bastards and lay them in a spiral on top of the sauce, because it fucking looks cool
  8. Pour the last of the sauce split on top of the two dishes… Just drown them
  9. cover w foil, bake for 30 min 
  10. uncover, top w that cheese & broil on low for 10 min. Don’t fucking burn it, that would blow holes! 

Serve these tasty morsels with pride… Because they are amaze-balls! Make’em swab the dishes or t’tha locker they go. 

 

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Hazel Peaches & Cheese Honey Tarts

Hazel Peaches & Cheese Honey Tarts

Well, I’m not much of a sweets person. Savory is my sin. I also, can’t say enough about cheese… so I won’t even start right now. BUT, there are sooo many kinds of cheeses and since I had some peaches and goat cheese pairs so well with fruit, I had to make these dirty little tarts.  The first mate LOATHES goat cheese… says it tastes like an actual goat.. to which I reply.. “dafuq you say?”. Anyhow, that’s totally fine. More for the Captain. Be gone… peasant.

The fact that I am NOT home made pastry friendly used to bother me.. but I have over come my want to be perfect at all things food and now I settle for measly ol’ store bought puff pastry any day. I will however NOT succumb to buying some fancy schmancy honey from the gods knows where. So I’ll say it here and then tag it as well.. BUY LOCAL BITCHES. This honey is from http://www.kannimports.com/x_cedar_creek/cedar_creek.html and its tha bomb yo!  Just trying to do my part.

PS. If anyone wants to give me their granny’s peaches I will gladly use them and thank her via the internet. lol.

……in-greed-ients:

  • slice 2-3 peaches
  • frangelica
  • goat cheese container (I don’t know, a tub of it)
  • puff pastry sheets
  • local honey
  • peppercorns
  • parchment

…..Tart magic:

  • flambe peach slices in frangelica for a bit
  • lay out 1 of the thawed puff sheets on floured surface
  • cut into rectangles, or squares, or triangles… doesn’t fucking matter, just fold up the sides for a border.
  • drop some goat cheese crumbles
  • lay them peaches down
  • sprinkle with more goat cheese
  • cracked pepper shower
  • bake @375 for 25-30 min
  • drizzle with honey and stuff yo face.
 

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