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Category Archives: Holiday Celebrate

EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

I am not a traditional wench, as you may have noticed. So when I get an idea to do a “traditional dish” from some other country or region, I’m probably going to twist it up, and do it my way… and this system works for me.  Some people get offended that I don’t follow recipes and I change theirs… but I’m already over this “offended” period of the 2000’s.  Get over it. It’s adventure time! So if you are an adventurous eater / cook.. then you and me should be friends. I am always looking for a new thing to try.. an new hot sauce to use and a new way to do things. This weeks #doyouevensaucebro hot sauce company spotlight is on Voodoo Chile Sauces and their Bhuty Thyme tomato based hot sauce! It tastes like grandmas cookin… if your grandma is a spicy as mine. Speaking of traditional… I LOOOOOVE cast iron especially my passed down LODGE cast iron.  The pirate in me wants to cook everything in a perfectly seasoned IRON pan… dutch oven or skillet. So when I received this deliciously interesting EMU EGG (among many other awesome things shown below) from a local Emu farm (I support buying local when ever possible), I knew I was going to do something with it in my cast iron skillet. There’s something very paleolithic about these ginormous eggs… I fucking lub them.  I had been wanting to make a Shakshuka again for a while… this was it… THANKSGIVING WEEK, the perfect chance to make a dish meant for sharing with others. So I invited the crew over and we grubbed for dinner / neighborsgiving.  So what if it wasn’t for breakfast, I break the rules! You should too.. follow along mates.. here’s the skinny:

 

…….in-greed-ients:

  • 8 oz Chorizo, squish that shit into the LARGE cast iron and fuck it up with a wooden spoon
  • 1Tsp oilve oil
  • 1 small sweet onion, diced
  • 1 small red pepper,  diced – a small jar of roasted red peppers works great too
  • 1 small bulb garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup sherry
  • 1 can diced tomatoes, chopped & not drained (I also used some jarred golden tomatoes from the emu farm and split this part)
  • 1 can drained chickpeas
  • 2 baby bella mushrooms -sliced 
  • 2tsp brown sugar
  • 1tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp coriander
  • 1 tsp mexican oregano
  • 2 tsp cumin
  • a couple of splashes of hot sauce – I like it hot so mo is betta- BHUTY THYME (clickit)
  • 1 emu egg, but I know yall ain’t gonna get one so… 4 – 6 free-range eggs
  • 1 cup feta.. crumbly, salty and awesome
  • fresh culantro  / also called shado beni, (a stronger cilantro falvor) leaves to garnish 
  • half an avocado for garnish 
  • toasted NAAN is my choice of dipping bread.. but you do what you want.

 

…….. shake that shuka:

  1. Heat a large CAST IRON skillet and fry the chorizo until the oils start releasing and the meat browns. Remove the sausage and put baby in a corner for a bit.
  2. Add the olive oil to the pan of orange oil and gently fry the onion for about 3 minutes until softened. Add the red pepper and garlic & continue to fry for a further 2 or so minutes until they too are softened. Return the chorizo to the pan and briefly fry.
  3. Add the sherry and allow the liquid to (mostly) cook off.
  4. Add the tomatoes w liquid, sugar, chickpeas, shrooms, seasonings, and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper if your feeling fiesty… Allow this to bubble on a gentle heat for about 20 minutes. This is where you have a shot and a dance break. SSSSHHHAka khan – tell me somethin good!
  5. Now, if you are adventurous and you’ve gotten an emu egg, you will need to dremel it open.. it’s kind of like brain surgery.  Easy peasy, right. Then gently pour the egg into a buttered frying pan & fry your emu egg until the white is almost done, then gently transfer it to the top of the shakshuka to finish poaching in the sauces. My asshole egg yolk popped but.. it’s actually ok because this much runny yolk would have grossed out my neighbors whom I was sharing this with.  Check out my shitty vid of my dremel vs emu egg action. 

     

  6. but.. if you didn’t get an emu egg, just make several indentations in the top of the shakshuka with the back of a ladle and break your eggs into the holes. Mix the egg white around a bit to loosen and spread… and don’t breaking the damned yolk, that’s eggicide and I would just toss the whole damned thing out if the yolks are popped. Just sayin. Here’s my quail egg mini cast iron shakshuka breakfast the next morning…foog
  7. Cook for a further 3 or so minutes and until the egg whites have hardened. If necessary put a lid on your pan to speed up the process.
  8. Scatter plenty of feta over the monstrosity, then the chopped culantro and the lovely avocado.. then scoop it out onto some warm naan, or what ever.  I served mine with a smoked white wine.. but that… is a whole other blog. 🙂 winr

Drink up me hearties…yo ho! 

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…. as you can see, I really love ALL of the Voodoo awesomesauces, even when they are backwards.  IF you think your worthy… Join my FB group: “Do you even sauce bro” and follow me on IG: the_bomb_noms

NOMASTE! 

 

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MILK CHOCOLATE WILD ORANGE, CARDA-POM BARK

MILK CHOCOLATE WILD ORANGE, CARDA-POM BARK

Alright! So it was me that ate all the twix from the Halloween bowl…so what!  The first mate ate all the snickers, leaving all of the whoppers and chewy weird crap for the little skurv. Tis the season and shit.  I don’t even really dig sweets that much.  BUT when one is imbibing the grapes of wrath…one must also occasionally indulge in a chocolate or two.  Hence = the need for more provisions.  I can’t keep the cupboards stocked with enough sweets for this crew, they eat everything. So, I decided to make something just for me…something that those thieving bilge rats wouldn’t want to sneak.   I love all essential oils and I cook with them daily.  You don’t have to be cool to use oils, and you don’t have to have oils to make this… just substitute it for orange zest and maybe it won’t suck. BUT if you are one of the lucky ones that has been blessed with an armory full of oils… you will want to make this stuff this season…so, without any further adoooo…. I give you  a  simple ASFUCK milk chocolate wild orange, cardamom & pomegranate bark!

First things first…. 11 things you didn’t know about pomegranates these plump beauties are really a bomb ass fruit for you to pig out on during the fall.  Lets go over real quick just how to properly cut a pomegranate…. for those of you that keep fucking it up.

Take a sharp paring knife, cut the top out at an angle, it will look kind of like… what are those things called… a Dreidle. Yeah, that’s it. Happy flipping holidays.

Then, make a light slice down the “ribs” of the fruit…there should be 5, like a star.

Now separate them by gently pulling them apart and the center skin and “core” should stay in the middle.

Lastly, turn each section over and whack the back of them with a spoon or your hand to make those sweet rubys pop out.  Yes you will have to still use your damn hand.. ..no this is not a magical method… nothing is perfect.

Set your ruby red jewels aside… try not to eat them all while making the chocolate.

Now it’s time to get it on….

………in-greed-ients

  • 1 giant ass pomegranate
  • 1 vanilla bean – these are the bomb-Penzys Madagascar Vanilla Beans
  • 1 bag of bitter sweet or semi sweet dark chocolate morsels
  • some cardamom – either powdered Penzys powdered or cardamom oil 
  • Orange zest or ….. orange essential oil
  • some Himalayan pink salt
  • 1/2 cup of heavy cream

 

………the chocolate magic:

  1. de seed the pom – duh
  2. pour cream into a deep pot
  3. add chocolate
  4. stir constantly on low
  5. add vanilla bean paste
  6. remove from heat when completely melted
  7. slather some hot chocolate all over yourself and make that phone call / snap chat that special someone…..
  8. just kidding…. or am I? Lets get it on… 
  9. add cardamom & orange oil / zest
  10. add some of the pom seeds
  11. lay out a sheet of parchment on a cookie sheet (or if you have candy molds those are great too)
  12. pour all that awesome sauce in a circle and maybe 1/4 of an inch thick.
  13. top with more pom seeds
  14. sprinkle with some salt
  15. freeze that shit over night
  16. slice and serve bitches!
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Milk Chocolate wild orange, cardapom bark

 

 

 

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Egg Clouds!

Egg Clouds!

It was WORLD EGG DAY the other day so I celebrated EGGcordingly.  I get EGGstatic about eggs. I may be a little EGGcentric as far as eggs go. I was also in no mood for EGGsasperating my day so I whipped up some fARRRGHing EGG CLOUDS because the are so EGGstremely easy and fast.  I used to make these back in the day.. but had forgotten about them entirely until the interwebs reminded me.  Some people are laying them on “bacon blankets” or as I call them “bacon quilts”.   I use sausage for them because that’s how my mother did it.  She knew how to do shit right. It must be genetic… because I cover my egg clouds with spicy hollandaise sauce and that very well may be EGGzactly the way they were meant to be eaten.  I also had just recently made my first Hot Sauce batch… I call it “Dragon Blood Isle” because it’s made from roasted green scotch bonnets, juicy red dragon fruit, Ommegangs Red dragon Ale… and some other secret treasures.  I added this sauce to my hollandaise, but you can do what you want… be creative people. You don’t have to do it my way, but by all that is sEGGcred… just do it! Paint some happy little clouds. I believe you can do it.

……..in-greed-ients:

  • 4 large eggs
  • 1/2 cup shredded parm
  • 1/2 cup chopped cooked sausage fingers
  • 1/2 cup chopped chives
  • salt, pepper, garlic, sage

……..the egg magic:

  1. Separate the kids by putting whites in 1 large bowl and yolks in their own shell cups in a separate small bowl.
  2. Whip the white kids asses until stiff peaks form. I mean we need these to be inappropriately stiff and perky.
  3. Gently Fold in cheese, chives and sausage, it’s not a mixing contest y’all.
  4. Spoon into 4 mounds on parchment-lined baking sheet; make a deep well in center of each.
  5. Bake at 450 degrees for 3 minutes

………..second half

  1. Take them out and lay 1 yolk to each well… it’s like handling testes….ever so gently…
  2. season with your special flavo flav
  3. Bake until yolks are just set, 2 to 3 minutes.
  4. drizzle with mutha lovin hollandaise sauce….here is the FASTEST recipe for that…..Easy AF Hollandaise
  5. Masticate, Swallow, Digest, Repeat!

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Lavender Honey Ice Cream!

Lavender Honey Ice Cream!

Yesterday was NATIONAL ICE CREAM DAY!  As if Americans needed a reason to celebrate Ice Cream. I’m not too much of a fan of the sweets but my crew sure is. Hence, the minion and I created a savory sweet treat to stick in their mutinous face holes.  I have always wanted to try lavender ice cream, but I never thought to use ricotta too! Then I saw Giada De Laurentiis do it and it looked sexy as fuck.  I thought it would be more time consuming than it was… but then I remembered… I HAVE A MOTHER FUCKING ICE CREAM MACHINE! Huzzah! So I dug out the Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker and we had an accord. I found several recipes for lavender ice cream but I always end up making my own version anyway…would you like to see it… well, here it is: 

……in-greed-ients:

  • 2 drops of Doterra LAVENDER essential oil (it’s cheaper if purchased through a sales rep…like myself)
  • 1/2 cup honey
  • 1 can sweetened condensed milk (lick spoon now)
  • 1/2 tsp of salt
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 2 cups Heavy Whipping Cream
  • 1/2 cup ricotta
  • electric purple food coloring- depends on how purple you want it

……..Creamy magic:

  1. Must have ice cream maker “ice pot” in the freezer for at least 24 hours prior to making ice cream
  2. mix first 5 ingredients in a mixing bowl and beat with electric mixer for 2 min
  3. add next 3 ingredients and….
  4. whip it, whip it good
  5. pour the mixture into the pot and place the churn tool in and put the lid on. Flip the switch and watch your creation come to life in 20-30 min. –

This creamy badassery gets more solid the longer it is in the freezer so if it is still a little soft serve-y just pop the “ice pot” in the freezer with cling wrap over it, for a few. Everyone has there spoon in my pot today, I can’t blame them. Even I am indulging… right after breakfast… I needed a hit. SOMEONE lost my fancy schmancy ice cream scooper so a mellon baller makes cute little balls just fine. I placed my ice cream on top of a warm chia cinnamon pancake and sprinkled it with coconut shavings and chia seeds….. because cones are for kids. I am a grown ass wench and have pallet needs that have surpassed my crews.  So get creative and make it your own! Savy?!

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INDEPENDENCE JELL-O-SHOTS!

INDEPENDENCE JELL-O-SHOTS!

YAY FOR AMERICA! The fourth of July is always a great reminder of how lucky we all are to be free from tyranny! Free to be pirates if we want to, or to eat meat and drink beer and blow shit up! ‘Murica, the land of the free and home of the Jell-O-shot. There is a long and interesting history of pirates and privateers fleeing the waters of the British Empire to be free and trade (or steal) where ever they pleased. There is hidden treasure and buried loot every where along the eastern shores and islands. I made some of my very own treasure this Independence day, and although red white and blue were the 13 colonies colors, anyone can claim them. The American flag stands for freedom and I’m all about that.. that and rum. I’m all about that too. See my patriotism below: I made 160 but I think 90 would do just fine for a righteous pirate party. This takes time so start early… like the afternoon before you need them.

…….in-greed-ients:

  • 2 3 oz package of blue jello
  • 2 3 oz package of cherry jello
  • 4 packets of knox gelatin
  • 1 cup coconut milk
  • 1 can sweetened condensed milk
  • 2 cups cherry rum
  • 2 cups whipped cream rum
  • 2 cups coconut rum (I chose the captain morgan brand…of course)
  • about 90 jello shot cups.

………Jell-O magic:

  1. first, set up the cups on trays of some kind so you can transport them to a fridge
  2. get fridge ready – make some space for these suckers cause they are gonna need it
  3. in a pot boil 2 cups water
  4. add cherry jello, let it dissolve, add 2 cups cherry rum
  5. allow it to cool and pour a layer into the cups- try not to spill that shit everywhere… good luck with that.
  6. carry them to the fridge ….carefully.
  7. while they are setting (the package says 4 hours but they could be ready in 2-3 hours) have a party.. drink some shots.. what ever. IMG_0314
  8. continue this routine with the white but use the condensed milk and coconut milk instead of water to boil. Remove Add knox and stir until dissolved… then remove from heat, add coconut rum. Let it cool,
  9. and pour it into cups carefully not to disturb the red layer. Use a spoon to be safe.
  10. put the trays in the fridge again for several hours. Have some more shots! At this point we let the kids practice bartending for us. IMG_0591
  11. Now boil the 2 cups of water for the blue
  12. remove from heat and add blue jello, dissolve, add whipped cream rum, cool,
  13. go get the trays out and use a spoon to pour.
  14. fridge.
  15. drink some shots

Tomorrow the shots should be ready for lids and transport. They should stay firm whilst sitting out for a long time. I like to stack them for a more patriotic effect.

Arrrrrrhmerica! Fuckyeah!

 

 

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