A pirates life for me!, Brunch like you mean it, Eat your veggies, Egg zachary, Put it in your mouth, Stuffing stuff in stuff

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash!

Y’all know by now that I like to stuff stuff in stuff…then eat it. This morning I awoke with a great hankering for something nutty and woodsy and savory. It also happens to be the day after the supreme court ruled that  Gay Marriage is legalized! So there’s a reason to celebrate with a colorful meal. I used all the colors of the rainbow accept indigo… because blueberries would taste fucking AARRGGFUL in this dish. I know squash is usually a fall favorite but I love squash year round and you would too if you knew what’s good for you. Acorn squash is rich in vitamins, minerals, dietary fiber and antioxidant compounds. A diet with a high intake of the nutrients provided by acorn squash may decrease the risk of a number of serious medical conditions. To read more about the awesomeness of acorn squash see here: acorn squash is awesome. I made some badass beet risotto a couple of days ago and couldn’t wait to stuff it into stuff so here it is…

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 1 large acorn squash
  • 6 cups chicken broth
  • a lot of EVOO (I like truffle oil myself)
  • 1 12 cups Arborio rice large 
  • 1 large beet peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 1 small yellow onion chopped
  • 1 stalk celery chopped
  • whole clove garlic
  • 12 cup dry red wine (the rest of the bottle is for you)
  • Himalayan salt and pepper
  • goat cheese
  • thyme
  • a couple of rainbow cherry & grape tomatoes
  • an egg because eggs are fucking amazing.

…… the magic:

  1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
  2. chop onion and celery beets and some garlic
  3. In a medium pot, warm the broth over medium heat.
  4. In a large skillet heat 3 tablespoons olive oil over medium high heat.
  5. Stir in the rice to coat with the oil, toast for 2 minutes.
  6. Add the beets, onion and garlic and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.
  7. Pour in the wine and cook until absorbed into the rice, drink the wine, yes, right out of the bottle.
  8. then begin adding broth a couple of ladles at a time, stirring with each addition, until the rice is cooked, about 20 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
  9. While the risotto is cooking, get out your cutlass and swashbuckle that acorn squash in half (upright) and scoop out the seeds and hairy shit, then slice off the tips so they sit on a foil lined pan. Pour olive oil all over the inside and bottoms and season with salt and pepper and roast upside down in a 425 degree oven for 20 minutes. Add the peeled garlic to the pan around the acorn squash halves and coat them with oil as well, sprinkle thyme and roast. More wine.
  10. turn squash over and fill with risotto top with goat cheese and roasted garlic
  11. quick fry an egg (I like mine runny of course) and plop it on top.
  12. add sliced tomatoes to still hot egg pan and heat them with some balsamic vinegar and salt… slap them on top too
  13. add some fresh thyme. cause we all need more of that shit….
  14. drink more wine…the good stuff.

You should have beet risotto left after this… use it for ERRYTHANG! Really, its good with pork, chicken, what evs. See below on how to half the squash, take off the tips, and fill it with risotto and goat cheese. Not everyone likes eggs… so I hear. That’s INSANE…but if you don’t want to put an egg on it, its still awesome like this…

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash
Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash
Stuffed Acorn Squash
Stuffed acorn squash

Voila! One for me, and one for the neighbor wench, who would rather her squash be stuffed with mushrooms and spinach on a bed of beet risotto. NO EGG> weird. Bon Apetite ya scurvs! Eat drink and let gays be married!

A pirates life for me!, Burger madness, Egg zachary, Put it in your mouth

Bacon Wrapped Bison Beer Burger…with macaroni buns!

WHOOHOOO!

Disclaimer: this here burger was NOT quick to make. It definitely took some prep time. BUT, I can’t believe it took me 30 something years to finally make and eat one.  We all love a good burger (well, at least us meat eaters do) but this is no regular burger. Any time you wrap anything in bacon it immediately gets another star. A food porn star. Then, adding an egg also, wins a double air guitar from me….drool. Also, anything with avocado will be assuredly going into my face hole. So, when it’s got MACAFUCKNRONI buns, I mean, come on.. I can’t even.  The first mate almost didn’t let me take pictures of this thing. He likes his egg POPPED…. I know, what a weirdo. Bleh!

IMG_4566

So, as I was making this monster, I realized how gargantuan it was going to be and I adjusted mine to be an open faced monster…. because I may be a salty wench, but I am still a lady, and don’t open my mouth that big for just anything/anyone…… these days.  Plus mine HAS to have a RUNNY egg…or its not worth eating.

IMG_4569

Now, for the instructions: hold fast crew…. this will be a long and arduous journey….but there will be treasure at the end!  OH, also, there were jicama fries involved. They were great, although not the star of this tale.

……the in-greed-ients:

  • 1/2 lb bison meat – why? because its low in cholesterol, high protein, fewer calories and lots of omega 3…and because its ARRRGSOME!
  • 1/3 cup diced onions
  • 1/2 cup rolled oats
  • 1 package beef onion soup mix
  • 3 LARGE EGGS
  • some worst-chester-shire sauce. (we gave up saying and spelling this correctly a long time ago)
  • garlic powder
  • thin sliced provolone (or what ever cheese suits your fancy)
  • 1 ripe as fuck avocado (muy importante)
  • peppercorn bacon 4 strips
  • flavorgod spicy everything seasoning… again because its ARRGSOME! http://bing.flavorgod.com/
  • once again, I found myself using TORCHYS damn good diablo sauce http://torchystacos.com/product/hot-sauce/for my burger dressing. I guess im an addict. If you are too, then you should check out my FB group “Do you even sauce bro?” https://www.facebook.com/groups/295299200668548/
  • AN ALE – I used NEW CASTLE WERE WOLF, its an Irish red ale that I enjoy…. but its really up to you.
  • IMG_4523

…..the bunssssss:

  1. Divide your mac into 4 balls
  2. Line the bottom of 4 bowl or saucer shaped things with saran wrap and spray it with spray oil.
  3. Squish them into these bowls, saucers. If you can’t find anything bun shapped… just make tightly compacted 1/2 in thick patties with the saran wrap and stick them in the freezer.
  4. When it is time….put oil in the pan….coat each mac bun in the egg wash, then the flour, then the panko.
  5.  Fry them up like fried green tomatoes or grilled cheese…..mmmmm.. grilled cheese.
  6. Set aside on paper towel to cool.

……the burger magic:

  1. Squish the meat, oats, beefy onion soup mix, 1 egg, worst sauce, diced onions, and all powdered seasonings with your bare hands. I have found that the more sloppy noises it makes, the better it’s gon taste.
  2. Pour a shot or two of beer in there… chug the rest. CHUG… CHUG… CHUG… CHUG….. good job mate.
  3. Make 2 fist sized balls. Flatten them and wrap them in 2 bacon slices each.  (this takes some hand skills) I used the criss cross method.
  4. Stick them fatties in the fridge for a bit…(and NOW ITS TIME to fry up the buns).
  5. Fry them suckas up in a frying pan. The bacon is enough grease to cook it. I like mine med rare, but again…its all up to how you like’em.  Also, if you could grill them that would be super, just don’t loose the bacon, so use a grill pan….savy?
  6. Set aside on paper towel to drain.
  7. fry the last 2 eggs to your liking. If it ain’t a runny egg, your a dirty bilge rat and we can’t be friends.IMG_4572

…..the assembly:

  1. first the bun
  2. then the sliced avocado
  3. then the dripping bacon bison burger….drool.
  4. chug another beer, this is hard work.
  5. then the sliced cheese
  6. then the egg of glory
  7. slather the top bun with Torchy’s sauce and ranch if you ain’t skeerd…and gingerly place it on the stack.
  8. do not squash, drop or disassemble!

Good luck eating this monster. It was amazeballs and I probably won’t do it often because I like my arteries. Now, who’s swabbing the dishes? Drink up me hearties yoho!

A pirates life for me!, Breakfast is my first love, Egg zachary, skulls & hearts

Skull Eggs & Cross Bacons

I love BAE (bacon and eggs) and I love stupid acronyms so get used to it. I also play with my food every day and I encourage my deck hands to do the same. This tasty breakfast skullywag is a crew favorite especially when he’s got a Captain pepper jack sparrow eye patch, crispy maple bacon bones, runny eyes and surprised avocado eyebrows.  Beware the creamy, red jalepeño cilantro blood sauce… It’s been known to cause a flaming heart.

I found my skull mold at inked shop, http://www.inkedshop.com/funny-side-up-skull-egg-corral.html but they are everywhere now… Like eBay… For as low as $2.00.