Eat your veggies – The Bomb Noms

MEAL PREP MONDAYS!

August 31, 2015 Cassandra D'Kay

When I get the pleasure of eating something amazeballs you not only get dinner, with me you also get a show. I am a eat dancer. I can’t help but wiggle and giggle and moan and sing and make derpy faces. I’m usually bouncing on the booth more than my minion when we go out. I can’t help it. I loooove good food. That does NOT mean that healthy and simple pleases me any less. All I ever really want is to try everything once.. and also I really want to share my (forcibly if necessary via social networking) findings of how simple it is to eat clean and healthy and to cook that way also. I am occasionally made aware of how annoying it is (for others) to see my constant posts on instagram, facebook, snapchat…ect… regarding my “Mealprep Monday” low calorie, low sodium, high protein weekly meal prepping…but I don’t give a flying fat fuck. I have been trying so hard for at least 3 or 4 years to keep up some kind of healthy weekly eating habits because on most weekends I am a hedonistic, gluttonous food whore. Thusly, my sexy, plump, bod can’t afford to eat like shit during the week. I am duly trying to inspire others to try new shit, because i’m helpful as fuck. So stop being a lazy askhole (someone who asks for meal prep advice & googles healthy new ideas but never actually does it) and start cooking for yourself and your humans every day. Buy that weird ass fruit, or funky looking veggie, try that spice, and use that immersion blender thingy behind all the pots. You might find out something about yourself that you didn’t already know. If you have no time, pick one day and make that your meal prep day. If you already do this.. Huzzah to you! I know I am not alone… just seems that way with all of my evil, fast food eating, land lubber friends that tempt me….(whom I lub). Aye, I eat at sonic a couple times a year.. when I’m drunk, tater tots are my kryptonite. Aye, spur of the moment queso and margaritas with the wenches, are a gals best friend… but otherwise am a very routine captain and I feel that if you don’t prepare for success you are just preparing for failure… and goonies never say die!

I like to keep it simple for meal prep and then get all fancy and shit for dinner because as i’m sure your thinking it too….

We usually do well with keeping the hunger kraken away when I prepare snacks and lunches only, I can’t meal prep dinners when I am a self proclaimed home cook, I need to experiment and play. So our routine is a protein shake with spinach and nanas for breakfast, a snack of chicken salad with greek yogurt, lunch, and 2nd snack of raw fruit and veggies, then what ever the fuck my cray dinner plans are. Here is one of my “goto” weekly lunches. It’s my favorite because it’s super healthy and not boring or gross or weird. Even my neighbor that hates brussel sprouts likes this one. Lets do this…

…….in-greed-ients:

boneless skinless chicken breasts either 5 or 10 depending on your tax filing status.
EVOO
a lemon
turmeric
Flavorgods –Lemon garlic seasoning
thyme

baby bell peppers – they come in a bag usually – lots of them… sliced into rounds
brussel sprouts, like 2 bags of them, shredded, whole, halved.. .whatevs
balsamic vinegrette
chipotle mustard
chili paste – optional of course
minced garlic
EVOO
blackened seasoning

quinoa – 1 cup
low sodium chicken broth – 2 cups
1 can drained chick peas / garbanzo beans
1/2 can drained low sodium black beans
1/2 can drained golden hominy
1/2 cup pico (tomato, white onion, cilantro, jalepenos in lime juice.. usually find premade stuff and use that)
fresh cilantro
cumin & onion powder
lime juice
EVOO

…….the mealprep magic:

coat thawed poultry boosoms with EVOO, seasonings and top with a lemon slice and juice.
bake chicken on a foil lined pan per instructions.. usually about 400 for 15-25 min depending on thickness
toss brussels with chipotle mustard, (chili paste optional) balsamic and garlic
brussels bath
lay those on a different foil lined pan and bake with chicken.. but these have to bake for about 30-45 min
whilst that is baking, boil your broth and quinoa for 15 minutes.
open cans and dump all the things (in quinoa section above) into quinoa and mix until you are happy…
mexican quinoa
sautee bells in EVOO and blackened
toss brussels with bells
plate that shit up into your finest mismatched tupperware!
Also….I am going to take this time to express how much I love knives… and kitchen gadgets. Like this here Mezaluna.

It’s an ancient tool that is used for chopping herbs. Mine was passed down to me and I use it every day. It makes me dance when I use it….and I get happy. Now you can shove off and get happy too!

A pirates life for me!, Crew Favorites, Eat your veggies, Fruit you need to eat, Put it in your mouth, Snack like you mean it, Southern as fuck

Fridge Pickles!

August 17, 2015 Cassandra D'Kay

Everyone loves a good pickling!!! Right? Well, if you don’t, you’re a strange brew indeed. I’ve been in love with pickles for as long as I can remember. From the days of sucking the middle out and then eating the shell, slicing them in half long ways and making pickle boats with mac and cheese or cream cheese or laughing cow….. (it’s good) or slicing them super thin and sprinkling salt on them (like they aren’t salty enough)… I have been eating pickles every which way my whole life. BUT… I had not ever made my own, until now! I even got the little scurv to get in on the action.. he said it was so easy even he could do it. I remember my grandmother making them.. but that was before I gave a shit about making my own shit. Everyone else was pretending to be Suzy Fukn Homemaker or playing house with dolls, but then there was me.. playing fort in the trees or demolishing the barbies and melting their limbs… or playing office. Anyhow, i’ve morphed into an irregular Suzy Fukn Homemaker now and I love to make shit my self. So here is my very first few Pickle recipes: it’s too easy to fuck up I promise.

…….Factoids & Graboids:

About 26 billion (insert Dr. Evil pinky here) pickles are packed yearly in the United States.
Though everyone still argues about it like assholes… the pickle is both a fruit and a vegetable.
Pickles have a shit ton of vitanin C, vitamin A, magnesium, potassium, and zinc.
Muricans eat about 9 pounds of pickles per person each year.
During World War II, 40 percent of all pickles made were sent to the mutha fuckn ranks, to save the world.
Julius Caesar thought pickles made men more virile and manly so he made his army eat them daily.
Queen Elizabeth I, also loved the pickles!
As far back as 850 B.C., Aristotle rambled about the amazing healing effects of “cured” cucumbers.
Because the wax coating prevents cucumbers from absorbing the pickling liquid well, look for cukes with dull skins.
At least one person you know has snuck a giant juicy pickle into the movies in their purse or jacket.
Pirates always kept pickles or pickled veggies on board to help keep away the scurvy!

…….in-greed-ients:

6 Ball Jars
large brine making pot

about 10 “pickling” cucumbers
a shit ton of garlic cloves
about 6 tblspoons of whole mustard seeds
about 6 tblspoons black peppercorns (I used smoked pepper…it’s badass)
about 6 tblspoons of whole corriander seeds
Fresh dill weed – a whole package
a few sprigs of thyme (we all need more of this)
Red pepper flakes
ginger paste or fresh sliced ginger
sriracha
Concentrated lemon essential oil (Doterra)
red jalepenos (red peppers of any kind) – sliced in rings but leave the seeds in if you want them to even be mild at all.

9 cups of water
3 cups of apple cider vinegar
1 (solids) cup of pickling (kosher) salt

……..Pickle Magic:

Scrub and wash cukes
scrub and wash jars… cause you don’t know who’s booger pickers have been on them in factories
chop cukes in slices or quarters
boil water and vinegar
add salt and allow to completely disolve like the brine in the sweet mother ocean
cool the liquid for a little bit
fill all 6 of the jars with a few sprigs (like 4) of dill, a tbspoon of each: peppercorns, mustard seeds, corriander, 4 or 5 garlic cloves each, & the pepper flakes (this does not make them hot)
put some sliced hot peppers in 2
put some sriracha & ginger in 2
put some (2 drops each) lemon oil & thyme in 2
stick about 6 quartered pickle spears in each jar
pour brine over each jar until filled to the very top
put lid on and let them sit out on the counter until room temp
fridge em! Let them sit for 3 days… then you can eat them.. .but they are better as they sit.
good for up to 2 or 3 weeks in the fridge.

Every one lusted after the lemon garlic dill thyme ones.. but the sriracha ginger were really good too. I wished my hot pepper ones were hotter! Next time gadget… next time. Either way, they are all gone now. You really could put anything in there with the cucumbers.. Next time I want to make cilantro lime ones, or black pepper oil and rosemary, I might even shove some shrooms in there. Alas, I have to wait for more gold coins to make more treasure! So until then here is a weird PICKLE SURPRISE for you dirty pickle suckers….savy?!!

A pirates life for me!, Brunch like you mean it, Crew Favorites, Dirty Pirate Hooker Meals, Eat your veggies, Egg zachary, pirates, Put it in your mouth, Southern as fuck

Sausage & Purple Cabbage Strata!

July 27, 2015 Cassandra D'Kay

I am calling this a “sausage and purple cabbage strata” because the star is really the purple cabbage.. but the meat is muy importante to me as well. The most common modern variant is a brunch dish similar to a quiche or a frittata. So when making a strata, the only components you really have to have is stale bread, eggs, milk, cheese and some type of other shit. Really doesn’t matter what… but the best things that go in them are things like kale, shrooms, onions, bell peppers, fontina, mozzerella, parmesan, cabbage, chard, tomatoes and meat (old, new, ground, chunked, whatever..).The usual preparation requires the bread to be layered with the filling on top in order to produce layers. This pirate wench loves making strata’s… I put them in my category of “Dirty Pirate Hooker” meals. This eloquently named category is based upon the 5 qualifications:

must be easy as fuck
must be able to stick almost anything into them
must be relatively cheap
must be satisfying
must serve a whole crew

I have made this many times but I believe this one is my favorite. It makes me feel like I have won the battle against hunger with every bite. If you know how to use an oven and a stove this should not take long to prepare… but I will explain my process in detail anyway. So don’t get discouraged by the lengthy directions….it really is easy. Also it’s best to make the night before and just pop it in the oven in the morning before the lazies get up…. and in 45 min, you are the victor!

…….in-greed-ients:

1 pound breakfast sausage
secret ingredient
8 eggs
1 cup milk
1 1/2 cup heavy cream
1/2 cup french onion dip –SECRET INGREDIENT
3-4 small french bread loaves, cubed
2 1/2 cups shredded gruyere cheese
3-4 baby bella shrooms – sliced
1/2 yellow onion- chunky
1-2 leeks
1/3 head purple cabbage
truffle oil
EVOO
garlic cloves
chipolte seasoning, himalayan salt and pink peppercorn & spicy everything seasoning from –FlavorGod

First things first.. the purple cabbage is like gold in this dish and must be treated like royalty. So, slice that purple head in disks and bathe the disks in truffle oil… along with the garlic cloves and leeks…cleaned properly here-leek prep. If you don’t know how to peel garlic like a pro.. get this:easy as fuck garlic peeler. I love truffle oil. It’s my fav condiment besides hot sauce.

……Roasting magic:

Heat that oven to 400* and shove in the veggies- prepared, lathered & seasoned with all 3 seasonings from above
Pre warning, this roasting period is torture…you can smell it but you cant touch it… for about 40-45 minutes. You might want to take the leeks and garlic out at 20-25 min and leave the cabbage to finish sun tanning. Nobody likes burned garlic.
whilst you wait… butter the bottoms of your dishes of choice, I like my clay Cazuela, casserole dishes and pie dishes, but a 9X13 or 2 smaller ones will do.
cut the stale bread into cubes. Why stale? Because it helps soak the egg & cream mix without it getting soggy! When i say stale, I don’t mean hard and crusty.. these are not meant to be like hard tack…. just a little “un fresh”.

pour some EVOO into a large pan and brown the yellow onions
add sausage to pan, add seasoning and cook until done
add mushrooms last so they stay firm…just a minute or two more… then take off heat
the cabbage is done so chop the leeks and cabbage into large chunks and set aside.
mix eggs, milk, cream, dip, 2 cups of cheese and seasoning in a bowl and whisk it like you mean it.How to whisk like you mean it here is a great video if you actually give a shit about learning stuff. Which I do.

……let’s layer this baby:

(butter) bread cubes
meat & shroom mix
cabbage, garlic clove & leek mix
creamy egg mix – poor it all over and watch it sink in.
Cover it and cool it. Put these dishes in the fridge over night.

Next morning: bake that son of hooker at 350* for 45 min… top with the rest of the shredded cheese and serve it to the starving ungrateful masses.

It’s just science.. that on this ship, he may have better hair than me, but I have more talent in my little finger. Here’s to dirty pirate hookers! Huzzah!

A pirates life for me!, Crew Favorites, Eat your veggies, Put it in your mouth

Black Sheep Shepherds Pie!

July 10, 2015 Cassandra D'Kay

I’m a little Scottish, a little Polish, a little Oklahoma Indian mix and some other stuff so I am truly an American MUTT. I am definitely a savory person so I always veer back to earthy foods traditionally found in England, Scotland, Ireland…ect. So, I was looking at these left over mashed potatoes in the fridge and some bison meat and wondering what I could do with them…… AVAST YE!!!! Shepherds pie! Alas, I had sadly never made one before. SO, I hopped on Pinterest to troll for ideas and none of them seemed fancy enough for me. As you may have picked up, I like to be different…it’s kind of my thing. I’ve also never been great at being the black sheep that everyone tried to make me out to be. I’m more like a shepherd of the black sheep… a leader of rejects and awesomely weird fuckers and party people. I won’t follow you when you jump off the bridge but I will drive you there, take pictures.. and then I’ll take your dumb ass to the hospital after you break a leg. I do what I want, not what others are doing… unless I want to… but I like to break a rule or two. Savy? Which led me to taking out the fucking peas (stupid ingredient) and adding shrooms.. because they’re fucking awesome. I used bison instead of lamb or beef, and leeks instead of celery, hominy instead of corn, added lentils, and some other minor alterations. Boy I’ll tell you what.. it was the bomb nom in my mouth! The minion ate 2 portions, the first mate ate two portions… and I had to wrap it up for the neighbors to try before I had 3 portions. As a modern pirate, I may take what I want, but I always give something back…and I always keep my accords.

……in-greed-ients:

1 lb ground bison
some EVOO
5 shallots
3-4 cloves of garlic, finely minced with that rad garlic thing I keep showing you….French garlic mincer plate
powdered garlic too. Can never have enough garlic.
a handful of baby carrots.. the skinny small ones, chopped chunky
2 stalks of leeks, washed well and sliced in rounds
5-6 baby Portobello shrooms sliced only
1 can of white or yellow hominy… I like the white ones.
1/2 can of lentils – for a more earthy badass meat base
1 packet French onion soup mix
1 small jar of pizza sauce (its just more zesty than tomato paste)
powdered thyme
turmeric
rosemary sprigs
4-5 medium potatoes, skinned & boiled. (I’m assuming you don’t already have left over mashed potatoes but if you do… awesome. Use that shit.
3 tbsp butter
2/3 cup greek yogurt (instead of cream… because I try to be better…lol)
1 cup shredded parmesan
ground Himalayan pink Salt & ground Pepper
1 egg (for egg wash)

…….Shepherd Magic:

Heat some olive oil in a deep pan.
Toss in the sliced shallots and garlic & sautee till it turns soft and translucent.
Add the bison and cook till almost brown
Once the meat is browned season the meat well with French onion soup mix and add pizza sauce. Add Lentils and stir well.
Then put a lid on, lower the heat and let the sauce simmer for 10 minutes or so while you prepare the other stuffs.
Peel, cut and boil the potatoes in well salted water. Then drain them and toss them in a mixing bowl.
Start assembling the dish, spoon the ground beef mix in the bottom of a casserole dish, or small oven proof individual serving dishes. I used both a large dish and some ramekins as well.. for the minion and neighbors.
Clean large deep pan and once again put olive oil in it.
add leeks and carrots and more garlic. sautee until carrots are medium soft.
you can mash potatoes now, Add the butter, parmesan, yogurt and some garlic powder to them while still hot and mash them with a potato masher. The fluffier the better. Still firm… but like clouds. Season it with salt and pepper.
add shrooms and canned (rinsed) hominy, turmeric, thyme & salt to veggies and sautee for a few more minutes.
Whilst waiting for the veggies to cook, spoon them taters into a piping device (because we like to be fancy as fuck).
Now lay the second layer. The veggies.. THE REASON FOR THIS: is not every one likes veggies.. like my minion and my weird neighbor.. my dad… other weird people. SO you can leave this step out for them (see below). Also, it looks cooler to have layers. layers are the gods damned pretty.
Now pipe 1 or two layers of mashed potato flowers (my way is cooler than just fork lines) all over the top. If you suck and you have to spoon it, flatten it a little over the top and with a fork make some lines on top…. the ridges are what will brown and form a nice crust.
very very Lightly brush a little egg wash (an egg beaten with a teaspoon of water) on the ridges of the mashed potatoes. Pop it into the oven at 400F for around 10-15 minutes.
Then stick them under the broiler for another few minutes (4-5) until the mashed potato topping froms a nice golden brown crust.
Garnish with some fresh rosemary

I love this black sheep shepherds pie so much it’s actually getting printed and shoved into the real life Captains go to recipe book. I really hope someone tries this and comments their results and opinion. If not, fuckit…. I’ll be making it again and again anyway. My ass looking forward to running more to eat more of this. What ever cardio I can get…even if it is rolling down a hill fast.

A pirates life for me!, Eat your veggies, Put it in your mouth

Ratatouille!

July 3, 2015 Cassandra D'Kay

I absofuckinlutely love meat. BUT… I absofuckinlutely love veggies too. The first mate came aboard and says “where’s the meat babe?” I just laughed and gave him a spatula full. The scarfing that ensued reinforces the method to my madness! The neighbor even came by and tried to invoke parlay when I forced him to try some (he doesn’t really “do veggies”)… he licked that shit up. So, good. Now I usually wait until the beginning of spring to make this dish when the air is still crisp and the Japanese eggplant MIGHT actually be in stock at my local stores. NO such luck this week. I just had too many zucchinis, tomatoes and yellow squashes to not make this. I’ve done it several times now and I decided it needed baby Portobello mushrooms this time…. No recipe on the sea nor land is safe from my imagination! Ratatouille is originally a French side dish from poor folks, made from scrap veggies. FYI: Poor folks make some damn good grub. When the movie Ratatouille came out, the minion was all excited about making this dish with me. ( It doesn’t mean he will actually eat it, but he tried it.) That’s what made me start looking up different variations. Some say sautéing all of the veggies together is right, some say to cook them separately. This one ruffian says to simmer them in a pot……

“The secret of a good ratatouille is to cook the vegetables separately so each will taste truly of itself.” – Joel Robuchon

Julia Child’s version involves sautéing the eggplant, squash and zucchini separately and then layering them whilst the tomatoes, onion, garlic and bells are made into a piperade sauce bed and baked. I like that shit… and it’s Julia Fucking Child… so I twisted her recipe up…. and put it in my pipe…. and smoked it. Twice.

……in-greed-ients:

1 eggplant (or 2-3 Japanese eggplants if your lucky enough to find them)
1 short fat zucchinis
1 short fat yellow squash
1 skinny long red bell pepper
2-3 large baby bella shrooms
thyme
red pepper flakes

……saucy:

1 whole Roasted red pepper (do this before in the oven with EVOO and have it skinned & ready)
1/2 large yellow onion – chopped
2 whole roasted garlic cloves
1 box of tomato chunks or 2-3 medium vine ripe tomatoes (cans of tomatoes are bad for you…. see here why: canned tomatoes are bad mmkay?
herbs de province
Himalayan pink salt
EVOO – I still love this brand –Texas Hill Country Olive Oil

……optional (but suggested):

goat cheese crumbles
1-2 cups precooked couscous (I prefer the large pearls)

……the sauce magic:

blend chopped onion, tomato, roasted pepper, garlic, herbs, oil and salt in a food processor until it is thick and drinkable. (now would be a great time for a bloody mary!)
pour this bloody sauce into any large dish, like a 9X13 or a round, or a tart dish…what ever you got…. I used my favorite dish. See here:…cazuela’s fucking rock

……the veggie magic:

preheat oven to 375*
slice all veggies thin You can use a mandoline slicer but I quit using mine due to loosing my muthafuckn finger tips occasionally. (I may or may not have been drinking). My swashbuckling skills are better than that stupid contraption anyhow. Make these slices about 1/4 of an inch. Too thin and they fall apart, too thick and they don’t cook. The eggplant can be thinner because its so damn chewy.
start a circle or spiral layering process from the outside in. I like to start with eggplant (because its stronger and bigger )then, zucchini, then squash, then red bell, then mushroom.
top that shit with thyme, drizzle with EVOO and cover it with foil or parchment paper.
bake this badassery for about 45-55 min. I like mine more crunchy and not falling apart, savy?

Now the French pirate in me likes to scoop some of this onto a plate of soft couscous pearls and top it with creamy goat cheese and have it with a velvety sweet red wine…… but the first mate says shredded gouda is better. lol. This stuff does not stay in the fridge…I have to make two usually. It’s that fucking good. Pardon my French but…. Bon Appetit mutha fuckas. Try new things every day, you might be surprised!