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Category Archives: Brunch like you mean it

Garlicky Shrimp Alfredo, Cauli Pizza

Garlicky Shrimp Alfredo, Cauli Pizza

The amount of garlic in my blood could probably turn any vampire straight.   I will eat it in the rain, I will eat it on a train, I will eat garlic here or there, I will .… well you get the point.  In my blogs you will see that I like to apply & link all sorts of input that be floating about in my over flowing memory bank… ie: movie quotes, lines of a children’s book, slang terminology, local promoting, tools and tricks, awesome and random information, awkward video clips, music and pop culture references. Please click on the links and HIGHLIGHTED words for the full educational effect of the ride. SO, FYI: The main ingredient in garlic is allicin, which has antibacterial, antivirus, antifungal, and antioxidant properties, and not surprisingly, Garlic is a great food for heart health. It helps blood flow, lowers cholesterol, stops heart disease… aaaand it makes your house smell amazing!! No sarcasm there, I’m working on a garlic scented candle asap!  Until then, I get my fix in many ways… including, but not limited to, Hot Line Pepper Products, Garlicky Greengo.  I know y’all are aware of my support for these sauces, so I wanted to share yet another way to enjoy / apply this one to your pallet. Buttery, garlicky skrimps, low carb alfredo sauce (you can buy it but I included my own recipe for this), fresh basil.. you’re going to flip for this shiz.  Well , I did. So much that I have made this several times… and I am not usually a repeater.  I love pizza, like when my first mate asked me if I loved him more than pizza… I hesitated. So, when I started making cauliflower crust pizzas my life changed forever. I don’t even dig those doughy, dry, flour based bread crusts anymore…bleh… no more hard tack for me! The pirate in me needs seafood pizza, the KETO-er in me needs to stay under 20-30 carbs a day… and the foodie in me needs ALL THE FLAVOR!  You don’t need to be on a diet to enjoy healthy food options, don’t be skeerd.  Here are my instructions: Boycott bland food, take no prisoners, crush this pizza.

In-greed-ients:

Caulipower crust:

  • 1 medium head of cauliflower or 5-6 cups of store bought cauliflower rice
  • 1 egg, large
  • 1 tsp Italian zest seasoning
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp pepper
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 1/2 cup Parmesan
  • 1/2 cup Mozzarella cheese, grated
  • Cooking spray
  • Elbow grease 😉

Pizza toppings:

  • 6 -8 uncooked, fresh shrimp (size matters, I like them large, but maybe you don’t).
  • A couple spoons of Garlicky Greengo
  • 1 tbsp KerryGold
  • 1 tbsp EVOO
  • Fresh basil (as much as your heart desires)
  • Fresh cherry or grape tomatoes (about 1/4 of a cup, whole)
  • 1-2 hand fulls of shredded mozzerella

Low carb Alfredo Sauce:

  • 1 cup heavy cream
  • 3 oz cream cheese, room temperature
  • 2 oz Parmesan cheese, freshly grated
  • 2 tbsp butter, KerryGold again because JULIA CHILD says you can never have enough butter.
  • 1 large egg yolk
  • 1 pinch pepper
  • 1 pinch freshly ground nutmeg

…..but first… a creepy and informative song & video about garlic.

Alright lets do this. First you must make the crust, which seems a bit tedious, and IS a bit messy, but so worth it.  Don’t let anyone lie to you about cauliflower, it is the glitter of the food world. No matter how careful you are, the “ricing” and squeezing process can get out of control.   Make it rain tiny bits of white stuff…. but be prepared. Tarps work, a shop vac maybe.. lol.

Caulipower Crust: 

  1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F and line a baking sheet with a silpat, or parchment. Spray it with something oily.
  2. Rinse cauliflower, remove the outer leaves, separate into florets and chop into smaller pieces.  Blitz it in 2-3 batches, until “rice” texture forms. Dump this into a microwave safe bowl and nuke it for 4 min.
  3. Remove cooked cauliflower rice dump it in a double/triple layer of cheese cloth or a linen towel, plop it back in the bowl and let cool for 5 minutes. Then squeeze it like you mean it. Get at least 90% of the liquid out of the ball.  When you think it’s all out, it probably isn’t, keep squeezing.
  4.  Once cooled, In the same bowl, crack the egg with dried herbs, salt and garlic. Add cheese; mix very well with spatula until combined.
  5. Transfer “dough” in the middle and flatten with your hands until thin pizza crust forms. I like it about 1/4 inch thick.
  6. Bake for 20 minutes, carefully flip with 2 spatulas (or the “flip the whole parchment trick” if you are good like that) and bake for a few more minutes. Damn you are messy, clean up while this bakes. 😉

Store: Refrigerate covered for up to 2 days.

Alfredo:

  1. Gently melt the butter and cream cheese together in a small pot over low heat, whisking to combine.
  2. Add 1/4 cup of the heavy cream, turn heat up to medium low, and stir until combined and hot. Add 1/4 of the Parmesan cheese and stir until melted. Alternate adding the heavy cream and Parmesan cheese in the same fashion until all is incorporated.
  3. Separate one egg and beat the yolk until moral improves. When the sauce is hot and bubbling, add the egg yolk while whisking. Turn heat a little lower and continue whisking until the sauce coats the back of a spoon about 1-2 minutes more. Adjust seasonings. Thickens as it cools!
  4. Makes about 1 1/2 cups. Serves 4 at approximately 1/3 cup per serving… and this tasty “American-Italian” sauce has an unlikely history, click the link here  or in the ingredients to learn. 

Skrimps:

  1. In cold water, clean and devein the shrimp poo. NO one wants that….I got the poo on me…..!!! Set aside on a paper towel and dry them babies good.
  2. In a large sauté pan (or a WOK if you have one) on medium-low heat, add enough olive oil to coat and a little guess what… yuuuppp BUTTER. Allow to melt.
  3. Add your shrimp so they are all even on the bottom of the pan. Add that delicious garlicky greengo sauce. Cook for 1 to 2 minutes and flip. They take very little time.

Assembly:

  1. Schmear a few spoonfuls of that silky alfredo sauce onto the caulipower crust.
  2. Top with a hand full of mozzarella cheese 
  3. Lay those luscious shrimp down to sleep
  4. Then slice those adorable tomatoes and stratigically place those between the shrimp.  I get my tomatoes from a local CO-OP called Tomball Family Farm to Kitchen that always gives me the freshest local ingredients and produce in my weekly box. I love to know where my veggies come from.
  5. Chiffonade the fresh basil (also in that Fresh AF CO-OP Box) with your favorite chef knife, my fav is part of a set called  Galaxy knives.   Then just sprinkle sprinkle. 
  6. Bake at 400 for about 5 -7 min.. or until the cheese melts.
  7. Stuff your face hole!! 

As usual, please follow my FB page “The Bomb Noms” for non blogged recipes and information regarding my gourmet foods. If you are like me and you like it saucy, join the best little ALL sauce group on FB.. “Do you even sauce bro?”  Until next time, may your anchor be tight, your cork be loose, your rum be spiced and your compass be true.

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KETO: Fried Guac Deviled Eggs!

KETO: Fried Guac Deviled Eggs!

The devil made me do it!!! JK. But seriously, no matter what religion or spirituality you may believe in, EVERYONE can enjoy a deviled egg. Possessed with mayo or blessed with mustard.. there is NO wrong way to top them.  I’ve been on the #bringbackthedeviledegg band wagon ever since some friends and I realized that they have become less popular as party dishes over the last couple of decades and that most people only enjoy them in the spring.  Deviled eggs in all of their decadence, should be celebrated year round, all colors and shapes, topped with weird stuff or normal stuff.  JUST MAKE SOME and give them to your neighbors, have them because its thursday!  Since Easter is my third favorite food holiday after thanksglutony and Christmasscarfing,  of course I make a big deal of it.  I usually have an Easter crawfish boil with all of the scurvy crew…totally a southern norm…..then I make us some rum and coconut drank in hollowed out pineapple “mugs”, and I ALWAYS make my FRIED GUAC DEVILED EGGS. I love using the Bravado Spice Co jalepeno garlic seasoning and Hot Line Pepper Products “Garlicky Gringo” for my guac …. it turns this recipes flavor profile up to 11!!  This year I decided to make them the KETO way… since most of my crew have joined in my way of life.  For those of you that are not familiar with the “ketogenic diet” or aren’t keen on ketosis, it still tastes flippin awesome, it’s just less carbs and we all know that carbs are the (tastyAF) debil.  You can totally make these the regular “flour, egg, panko” way.. but I suggest you give this a try, sooner rather than later.  Yeah, I know i’m giving my secrets away…. Take what ye can, give a little back… ;P

Ingreeedients:

  • 3 avocados
  • 12 eggs
  • lime juice
  • 1 small bunch cilantro – Chop it like its hot…
  • 1 cup almond meal
  • 1 cup coconut flour
  • 1 bag (or 1 cup once blitzed) Hot & Spicy Chicharrones
  • 1 cup blitzed parmesan cheese
  • tbsp Jalepeno Garlic seasoning
  • 2-3 tbsp Garlicky Greengo
  • salt / cayenne to taste
  • avocado oil or coconut oil for frying – personal preference (non keto use peanut oil)
  • pickled jalepenos for topping / or what ever topping you like, crunchy pork rinds, parmesan crisps, or pickled red cabbage is good too.

 

 

Instructions……

  1. Boil salted water.  place chicken embryos in and bring to a boil… then turn off the heat and let them sit for 14 min. THIS is crucial to the peeling process. Eggs be some finicky bitches. I use two week old eggs for deviling anywho, somehow they are more mature about the whole thing.
  2.   guac21.jpg
  3. While the ladies bathe… make your “breading bowls”.  Mix the flours together in one large flat bowl/ tupperware. Beat 2 eggs in the next bowl / tupperware. Mix the parm and pork rinds in the last one.  Set them side by side in that order next to a paper towel lined cutting board or sheet pan.
  4. Drain & peel eggs immediately (while hot) in cold water / running water in the pot.
  5. Slice eggs in half and dump 8 yolks into a bowl. Toss the rest of the yolks, set whites aside to dry. 
  6. Slice avocados and pray to the old gods and the new, that they are perfect… nothing is as sexy as a ripe one.
  7. Slice your avocado in half
  8. Dump avocados in the yolk bowl add all seasoning, some lime juice, cilantro, the awesome sauce and !Mash it up!   (enjoy song whilst cooking)
  9. Load that shit into a piping bag and fridge it. The lime juice should keep it from browning for a while.  Tits crossed. 
  10. guacamole
  11. Heat your deep fryer (or deep pan with lots of oil) to about 350°F. If you don’t have a cooking thermometer, stick a wooden spoon into the oil when it’s been heating for about 7-8 minutes. If bubbles come up from the depth, your oil is hot enough for deep frying!
  12. Coat each egg half in the “flour” mix, then the egg wash, then the parm & pork rinds mix.  Using one hand for wet and one hand for dry keeps it less ridiculous.  Example: dry hand dredges it with the flour, drops it in the egg, then the wet hand takes out of the egg and the dry hand then puts it in the parm & pork rinds then on to a paper towel lined pan. Instructional video for your viewing pleasure. 
  13. Carefully lower each coated egg half into the deep fryer (or pan) to avoid splashing. It will hurt! I mean…unless you like that sort of pain… then splash away. 😉
  14. Allow each piece to fry  until a light brown. It shouldn’t take long at all.  Take them out and place them on that paper towel lined thing again.
  15. guac3
  16. Finally!! It’s time to lay some pipe! Get that piping bag full of avocado yolk goodness and squeeze away. Make it purty, it will taste better. Top it with what ever you want.. be weird with it.  
  17. Share with friends, they wont last long… so here’s a tip:  A savvy pirate always hides a bit of treasure for themselves. 

deviled eggs

Here’s a weird ass Easter video. Don’t say I never gave you nothin. 

DEVILED EGGS RULE! 

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Craig the Crawfish says…. AAAARRRGGG this be my guac, Do you even sauce bro?!! Well do ya? 

PS>>left over “filling” doubles as a badass chip dip. It ain’t a party until someone brings the guacamole.

 

 

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EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

I am not a traditional wench, as you may have noticed. So when I get an idea to do a “traditional dish” from some other country or region, I’m probably going to twist it up, and do it my way… and this system works for me.  Some people get offended that I don’t follow recipes and I change theirs… but I’m already over this “offended” period of the 2000’s.  Get over it. It’s adventure time! So if you are an adventurous eater / cook.. then you and me should be friends. I am always looking for a new thing to try.. an new hot sauce to use and a new way to do things. This weeks #doyouevensaucebro hot sauce company spotlight is on Voodoo Chile Sauces and their Bhuty Thyme tomato based hot sauce! It tastes like grandmas cookin… if your grandma is a spicy as mine. Speaking of traditional… I LOOOOOVE cast iron especially my passed down LODGE cast iron.  The pirate in me wants to cook everything in a perfectly seasoned IRON pan… dutch oven or skillet. So when I received this deliciously interesting EMU EGG (among many other awesome things shown below) from a local Emu farm (I support buying local when ever possible), I knew I was going to do something with it in my cast iron skillet. There’s something very paleolithic about these ginormous eggs… I fucking lub them.  I had been wanting to make a Shakshuka again for a while… this was it… THANKSGIVING WEEK, the perfect chance to make a dish meant for sharing with others. So I invited the crew over and we grubbed for dinner / neighborsgiving.  So what if it wasn’t for breakfast, I break the rules! You should too.. follow along mates.. here’s the skinny:

 

…….in-greed-ients:

  • 8 oz Chorizo, squish that shit into the LARGE cast iron and fuck it up with a wooden spoon
  • 1Tsp oilve oil
  • 1 small sweet onion, diced
  • 1 small red pepper,  diced – a small jar of roasted red peppers works great too
  • 1 small bulb garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup sherry
  • 1 can diced tomatoes, chopped & not drained (I also used some jarred golden tomatoes from the emu farm and split this part)
  • 1 can drained chickpeas
  • 2 baby bella mushrooms -sliced 
  • 2tsp brown sugar
  • 1tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp coriander
  • 1 tsp mexican oregano
  • 2 tsp cumin
  • a couple of splashes of hot sauce – I like it hot so mo is betta- BHUTY THYME (clickit)
  • 1 emu egg, but I know yall ain’t gonna get one so… 4 – 6 free-range eggs
  • 1 cup feta.. crumbly, salty and awesome
  • fresh culantro  / also called shado beni, (a stronger cilantro falvor) leaves to garnish 
  • half an avocado for garnish 
  • toasted NAAN is my choice of dipping bread.. but you do what you want.

 

…….. shake that shuka:

  1. Heat a large CAST IRON skillet and fry the chorizo until the oils start releasing and the meat browns. Remove the sausage and put baby in a corner for a bit.
  2. Add the olive oil to the pan of orange oil and gently fry the onion for about 3 minutes until softened. Add the red pepper and garlic & continue to fry for a further 2 or so minutes until they too are softened. Return the chorizo to the pan and briefly fry.
  3. Add the sherry and allow the liquid to (mostly) cook off.
  4. Add the tomatoes w liquid, sugar, chickpeas, shrooms, seasonings, and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper if your feeling fiesty… Allow this to bubble on a gentle heat for about 20 minutes. This is where you have a shot and a dance break. SSSSHHHAka khan – tell me somethin good!
  5. Now, if you are adventurous and you’ve gotten an emu egg, you will need to dremel it open.. it’s kind of like brain surgery.  Easy peasy, right. Then gently pour the egg into a buttered frying pan & fry your emu egg until the white is almost done, then gently transfer it to the top of the shakshuka to finish poaching in the sauces. My asshole egg yolk popped but.. it’s actually ok because this much runny yolk would have grossed out my neighbors whom I was sharing this with.  Check out my shitty vid of my dremel vs emu egg action. 

     

  6. but.. if you didn’t get an emu egg, just make several indentations in the top of the shakshuka with the back of a ladle and break your eggs into the holes. Mix the egg white around a bit to loosen and spread… and don’t breaking the damned yolk, that’s eggicide and I would just toss the whole damned thing out if the yolks are popped. Just sayin. Here’s my quail egg mini cast iron shakshuka breakfast the next morning…foog
  7. Cook for a further 3 or so minutes and until the egg whites have hardened. If necessary put a lid on your pan to speed up the process.
  8. Scatter plenty of feta over the monstrosity, then the chopped culantro and the lovely avocado.. then scoop it out onto some warm naan, or what ever.  I served mine with a smoked white wine.. but that… is a whole other blog. 🙂 winr

Drink up me hearties…yo ho! 

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…. as you can see, I really love ALL of the Voodoo awesomesauces, even when they are backwards.  IF you think your worthy… Join my FB group: “Do you even sauce bro” and follow me on IG: the_bomb_noms

NOMASTE! 

 

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So Cal Eggs Benedict

So Cal Eggs Benedict

IIII’mmmmm Baaaaack, from a blogging hiatus with a rad brunch dish to share!  Everyone loves a classic Eggs Benedict… but there be no limits when it comes to MY cooking, so I put a SO Cal spin on this one. I recently received a box of awesomesauce from So Cal Hot sauce  and I don’t think I’ve ever reeeally thought about hot sauces categorized by region before.  Sure there are different levels of heat,  salt, texture, sweetness… you can use scorpions, ghosts, reapers, serranos…. you can separate them by season, color, consistency……there is an endless plethora of categories. BUT this sauce definitely tastes like Southern Cali to me so it immediately pleases the Captain that they are true to their name, beit that their slogan is “California inspired, Carolina grown”.  The first one that I played with is the “So Cal Guac Sauce – Hot Avocado.  Y’all know how I feel about avocados…. they are a staple, a necessity, a vitamin and a part of my balanced breakfast and sexy as fuuuuck. The avocado flavor and the consistency of this sauce was too legit so I had to use it IN a sauce… I do love to sauce bro.  Since I enjoy the challenge of making better choices (most of the time)and the healthy hippies in cali love cauliflower…  I opted to make some crispy, slightly cheesy, dill cauliflower waffles instead of the all p0wer full evil BREAD! Mmmmm…bread… any who, If you switch up this recipe up, have fun, do what you wanna.  By all means I’m not the boss of you, BUT, don’t leave out the cauliflower waffle or the “guac sauce” and expect it to be as magical and amazing as mine.  Just sayin.  #brunchlikeyoumeanit

 

……. in-greed-ients:

  • 3/4 cup frozen cauliflower crumbles (thawed and drained)
  • 1 cup low fat Mozzarella cheese, shredded
  • 4 large sprigs dill – chopped
  • 1 large egg, beaten until moral improves
  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon pink Himalayan sea salt
  • 1/8 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper (or more cause its awesome)
  • 4 large eggs, drained (I will explain)
  • 4 slices Canadian Bacon eh?
  • 2-3 cups arugula
  • coconut oil for sauteeing 

…… in- the-blender:

…… cookin time:

  1. Get out that dusty old Belgian Waffle Maker if ya got it, and heat to a medium setting. IF not, fuck it, any ol’ waffle maker will do.
  2. In a medium bowl, combine 3/4 cup cauliflower crumbles, 1 cup shredded Mozzarella cheese, chopped dill, 1 beaten in to shape egg, garlic powder, onion powder,salt, freshly cracked black pepper. Mix that shit. SIDE NOTE: I grate fresh cauliflower using my food processor and store the cauliflower crumbles in the freezer. BUT you can just get some frozen cauliflower crumbles. If you use freshly grated cauliflower, add an egg white.

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    Cauliflower cheese dill mix

  3. Spray the waffle iron and slop that cauliflower mixture EVENLY onto the waffle iron. Close lid and flip over. Cook till brown like a chocolate starfish… that’s when ya know it’s done. 

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    Cauliflower waffle

  4. DO YOU even sauce bro?  Well ya do now, put the hollandaise stuff in the blender… blend till awesome. Dip your finger in for a taste… tasty as fuck right?!MMMMM! This “guac sauce”  has about 5 calories per serving (tsp) and a medium range of sodium @ 105 mg. The “heat”  is mid range with serranos and habaneros balanced with tomatillos and avocado.  It’s puurrrfecct for a golden creamy hollandaise. 

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    So Cal Guac Hollandaise

  5. Now make some perfectly poached eggs.  Lay a paper towel out to lay the eggs on, fill your favorite pot about 2-3 inches deep. While waiting for the water to boil, drain the eggs by cracking them into  a fine mesh strainer and allow the watery part of the whites to drain out into a bowl.  The thin part of the egg is not necessary and causes bullshit when trying to poach the eggs. Homey don’t play that. 

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    Straining the ovos

  6. Slip that drained egg into the GENTLY boiling water…poach one a time. DO NOT SWIRL the water. Because we removed that bullshit part of the egg white there is no need to waste your time swirling the water. Poach for 3 minutes. When it’s ready, use a slotted spoon to gently transfer the eggs to the paper towel plate. Don’t fuck it up!
  7. While the eggs are poaching, quick sear that  Canadian Bacon in a small cast iron skillet. Mmmm bacon. 

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    meeeaattt

  8. Remove them pig discs and toss in the greens.. use a little coconut oil and seasoning of your choice (I use FlavorGod Dynamite Seasoning) for a quick sautee “roll in the hay” and remove before that shit gets gross.
  9. To assemble: Put 1/4 of the cauliflower waffle on a plate, then a spoon of sauteed arugula, topped with that juicy yankee bacon & then 1 poached egg. Now you can drench that shit with guac hollandaise sauce. Garnish with chopped parsley or scallions or what ever you want…it’s all about to be devoured soon anyway.  Make sure you enjoy cutting into that sexy runny yolk, sop it up with that delish cauliflower triangle…now stuff your face hole! 

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    Before the sauceing

 

Yield: 4 Servings
Prep Time: 15 mins.
Cook time: 10 mins.
Total time: 25 mins

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                                                                    Drink up me hearties yo ho!

 

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Egg Clouds!

Egg Clouds!

It was WORLD EGG DAY the other day so I celebrated EGGcordingly.  I get EGGstatic about eggs. I may be a little EGGcentric as far as eggs go. I was also in no mood for EGGsasperating my day so I whipped up some fARRRGHing EGG CLOUDS because the are so EGGstremely easy and fast.  I used to make these back in the day.. but had forgotten about them entirely until the interwebs reminded me.  Some people are laying them on “bacon blankets” or as I call them “bacon quilts”.   I use sausage for them because that’s how my mother did it.  She knew how to do shit right. It must be genetic… because I cover my egg clouds with spicy hollandaise sauce and that very well may be EGGzactly the way they were meant to be eaten.  I also had just recently made my first Hot Sauce batch… I call it “Dragon Blood Isle” because it’s made from roasted green scotch bonnets, juicy red dragon fruit, Ommegangs Red dragon Ale… and some other secret treasures.  I added this sauce to my hollandaise, but you can do what you want… be creative people. You don’t have to do it my way, but by all that is sEGGcred… just do it! Paint some happy little clouds. I believe you can do it.

……..in-greed-ients:

  • 4 large eggs
  • 1/2 cup shredded parm
  • 1/2 cup chopped cooked sausage fingers
  • 1/2 cup chopped chives
  • salt, pepper, garlic, sage

……..the egg magic:

  1. Separate the kids by putting whites in 1 large bowl and yolks in their own shell cups in a separate small bowl.
  2. Whip the white kids asses until stiff peaks form. I mean we need these to be inappropriately stiff and perky.
  3. Gently Fold in cheese, chives and sausage, it’s not a mixing contest y’all.
  4. Spoon into 4 mounds on parchment-lined baking sheet; make a deep well in center of each.
  5. Bake at 450 degrees for 3 minutes

………..second half

  1. Take them out and lay 1 yolk to each well… it’s like handling testes….ever so gently…
  2. season with your special flavo flav
  3. Bake until yolks are just set, 2 to 3 minutes.
  4. drizzle with mutha lovin hollandaise sauce….here is the FASTEST recipe for that…..Easy AF Hollandaise
  5. Masticate, Swallow, Digest, Repeat!

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Sausage & Purple Cabbage Strata!

Sausage & Purple Cabbage Strata!

I am calling this a “sausage and purple cabbage strata” because the star is really the purple cabbage.. but the meat is muy importante to me as well. The most common modern variant is a brunch dish similar to a quiche or a frittata. So when making a strata, the only components you really have to have is stale bread, eggs, milk, cheese and some type of other shit. Really doesn’t matter what… but the best things that go in them are things like kale, shrooms, onions, bell peppers, fontina, mozzerella, parmesan, cabbage, chard, tomatoes and meat (old, new, ground, chunked, whatever..).The usual preparation requires the bread to be layered with the filling on top in order to produce layers. This pirate wench loves making strata’s… I put them in my category of “Dirty Pirate Hooker” meals. This eloquently named category is based upon the 5 qualifications:

  1. must be easy as fuck
  2. must be able to stick almost anything into them
  3. must be relatively cheap
  4. must be satisfying
  5. must serve a whole crew

I have made this many times but I believe this one is my favorite. It makes me feel like I have won the battle against hunger with every bite. If you know how to use an oven and a stove this should not take long to prepare… but I will explain my process in detail anyway. So don’t get discouraged by the lengthy directions….it really is easy. Also it’s best to make the night before and just pop it in the oven in the morning before the lazies get up…. and in 45 min, you are the victor!

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…….in-greed-ients:

  • 1 pound breakfast sausage

    secret ingredient

    secret ingredient

  • 8 eggs
  • 1 cup milk
  • 1 1/2 cup heavy cream
  • 1/2 cup french onion dip –SECRET INGREDIENT 
  • 3-4 small french bread loaves, cubed
  • 2 1/2 cups shredded gruyere cheese
  • 3-4 baby bella shrooms – sliced
  • 1/2 yellow onion- chunky
  • 1-2 leeks 
  • 1/3 head purple cabbage
  • truffle oil
  • EVOO
  • garlic cloves
  • chipolte seasoning, himalayan salt and pink peppercorn & spicy everything seasoning from –FlavorGod

First things first.. the purple cabbage is like gold in this dish and must be treated like royalty. So, slice that purple head in disks and bathe the disks in truffle oil… along with the garlic cloves and leeks…cleaned properly here-leek prep.  If you don’t know how to peel garlic like a pro.. get this:easy as fuck garlic peeler.  I love truffle oil.  It’s my fav condiment besides hot sauce.

……Roasting magic:

  • Heat that oven to 400* and shove in the veggies- prepared, lathered & seasoned with all 3 seasonings from above
  • Pre warning, this roasting period is torture…you can smell it but you cant touch it… for about 40-45 minutes. You might want to take the leeks and garlic out at 20-25 min and leave the cabbage to finish sun tanning. Nobody likes burned garlic.
  • whilst you wait… butter the bottoms of your dishes of choice, I like my clay Cazuela, casserole dishes and pie dishes, but a 9X13 or 2 smaller ones will do.
  • cut the stale bread into cubes. Why stale? Because it helps soak the egg & cream mix without it getting soggy! When i say stale, I don’t mean hard and crusty.. these are not meant to be like hard tack…. just a little “un fresh”.
  • pour some EVOO into a large pan and brown the yellow onions
  • add sausage to pan, add seasoning and cook until done
  • add mushrooms last so they stay firm…just a minute or two more… then take off heat
  • the cabbage is done so chop the leeks and cabbage into large chunks and set aside.
  • mix eggs, milk, cream, dip, 2 cups of cheese and seasoning in a bowl and whisk it like you mean it.How to whisk like you mean it  here is a great video if you actually give a shit about learning stuff. Which I do.

……let’s layer this baby:

  1. (butter) bread cubes
  2. meat & shroom mix
  3. cabbage, garlic clove & leek mix
  4. creamy egg mix – poor it all over and watch it sink in.
  5. Cover it and cool it. Put these dishes in the fridge over night.

Next morning: bake that son of hooker at 350* for 45 min… top with the rest of the shredded cheese and serve it to the starving ungrateful masses. 

It’s just science.. that on this ship, he may have better hair than me, but I have more talent in my little finger.  Here’s to dirty pirate hookers! Huzzah!

 

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Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash!

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash!

Y’all know by now that I like to stuff stuff in stuff…then eat it. This morning I awoke with a great hankering for something nutty and woodsy and savory. It also happens to be the day after the supreme court ruled that  Gay Marriage is legalized! So there’s a reason to celebrate with a colorful meal. I used all the colors of the rainbow accept indigo… because blueberries would taste fucking AARRGGFUL in this dish. I know squash is usually a fall favorite but I love squash year round and you would too if you knew what’s good for you. Acorn squash is rich in vitamins, minerals, dietary fiber and antioxidant compounds. A diet with a high intake of the nutrients provided by acorn squash may decrease the risk of a number of serious medical conditions. To read more about the awesomeness of acorn squash see here: acorn squash is awesome. I made some badass beet risotto a couple of days ago and couldn’t wait to stuff it into stuff so here it is…

…..in-greed-ients:

  • 1 large acorn squash
  • 6 cups chicken broth
  • a lot of EVOO (I like truffle oil myself)
  • 1 12 cups Arborio rice large 
  • 1 large beet peeled and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
  • 1 small yellow onion chopped
  • 1 stalk celery chopped
  • whole clove garlic
  • 12 cup dry red wine (the rest of the bottle is for you)
  • Himalayan salt and pepper
  • goat cheese
  • thyme
  • a couple of rainbow cherry & grape tomatoes
  • an egg because eggs are fucking amazing.

…… the magic:

  1. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
  2. chop onion and celery beets and some garlic
  3. In a medium pot, warm the broth over medium heat.
  4. In a large skillet heat 3 tablespoons olive oil over medium high heat.
  5. Stir in the rice to coat with the oil, toast for 2 minutes.
  6. Add the beets, onion and garlic and cook until softened, about 5 minutes.
  7. Pour in the wine and cook until absorbed into the rice, drink the wine, yes, right out of the bottle.
  8. then begin adding broth a couple of ladles at a time, stirring with each addition, until the rice is cooked, about 20 minutes. Season with salt and pepper.
  9. While the risotto is cooking, get out your cutlass and swashbuckle that acorn squash in half (upright) and scoop out the seeds and hairy shit, then slice off the tips so they sit on a foil lined pan. Pour olive oil all over the inside and bottoms and season with salt and pepper and roast upside down in a 425 degree oven for 20 minutes. Add the peeled garlic to the pan around the acorn squash halves and coat them with oil as well, sprinkle thyme and roast. More wine.
  10. turn squash over and fill with risotto top with goat cheese and roasted garlic
  11. quick fry an egg (I like mine runny of course) and plop it on top.
  12. add sliced tomatoes to still hot egg pan and heat them with some balsamic vinegar and salt… slap them on top too
  13. add some fresh thyme. cause we all need more of that shit….
  14. drink more wine…the good stuff.

You should have beet risotto left after this… use it for ERRYTHANG! Really, its good with pork, chicken, what evs. See below on how to half the squash, take off the tips, and fill it with risotto and goat cheese. Not everyone likes eggs… so I hear. That’s INSANE…but if you don’t want to put an egg on it, its still awesome like this…

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash

Beet Risotto Stuffed Acorn Squash

Stuffed Acorn Squash

Stuffed acorn squash

Voila! One for me, and one for the neighbor wench, who would rather her squash be stuffed with mushrooms and spinach on a bed of beet risotto. NO EGG> weird. Bon Apetite ya scurvs! Eat drink and let gays be married!

 

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