RSS

Author Archives: Cassandra D'Kay

About Cassandra D'Kay

First things first, I'm a realist. I am one tattooed mother, a "pin up" wife, with the mouth of a pirate, the mind of a Virgo, and heart of a foodie. Part time caterer & pop up dinner chef, part time candle maker, but I work for "The Man" full time. I am a wearer of costumes, planner of parties, tripper of roads, mixer of cocktails, and slave to my animals. I might not be every ones cup of tea, but I'd rather be a few peoples shot of rum anyway. Fore warning: I write like I speak, i'm kind of vulgar. I over use unnecessary punctuation all. The. Damn. Time! I'm blogging because everyone I know said it's the next thing to do after you flood IG, Pinterest, and FB with food pics and cooking memes. If you want to read about a slightly funny, real life person, cooking what ever the fuck is in the fridge, theme nights, skull food, hot sauce reviews and a lot of badass brunch.... While also talking shit to in animate objects and taking shots...I be your girl. Most people like to cook, but I LOVE to cook, I love to make my food pretty. I cook when I'm happy, when I'm mad, when I'm bored, when I'm hungry, and when I'm so busy all I can do is procrastinate and cook instead. I always make too much, but usually give all my food creations away because I want to share it with the world. I loathe to grocery shop, but I celebrate having a fully stocked fridge, and I've got some pretty cool ideas I'd like to share with you. Also, I might be an excessive picture taker. Follow me on Instagram @the_bomb_noms

KETO: Fried Guac Deviled Eggs!

KETO: Fried Guac Deviled Eggs!

The devil made me do it!!! JK. But seriously, no matter what religion or spirituality you may believe in, EVERYONE can enjoy a deviled egg. Possessed with mayo or blessed with mustard.. there is NO wrong way to top them.  I’ve been on the #bringbackthedeviledegg band wagon ever since some friends and I realized that they have become less popular as party dishes over the last couple of decades and that most people only enjoy them in the spring.  Deviled eggs in all of their decadence, should be celebrated year round, all colors and shapes, topped with weird stuff or normal stuff.  JUST MAKE SOME and give them to your neighbors, have them because its thursday!  Since Easter is my third favorite food holiday after thanksglutony and Christmasscarfing,  of course I make a big deal of it.  I usually have an Easter crawfish boil with all of the scurvy crew…totally a southern norm…..then I make us some rum and coconut drank in hollowed out pineapple “mugs”, and I ALWAYS make my FRIED GUAC DEVILED EGGS. I love using the Bravado Spice Co jalepeno garlic seasoning and Hot Line Pepper Products “Garlicky Gringo” for my guac …. it turns this recipes flavor profile up to 11!!  This year I decided to make them the KETO way… since most of my crew have joined in my way of life.  For those of you that are not familiar with the “ketogenic diet” or aren’t keen on ketosis, it still tastes flippin awesome, it’s just less carbs and we all know that carbs are the (tastyAF) debil.  You can totally make these the regular “flour, egg, panko” way.. but I suggest you give this a try, sooner rather than later.  Yeah, I know i’m giving my secrets away…. Take what ye can, give a little back… ;P

Ingreeedients:

  • 3 avocados
  • 12 eggs
  • lime juice
  • 1 small bunch cilantro – Chop it like its hot…
  • 1 cup almond meal
  • 1 cup coconut flour
  • 1 bag (or 1 cup once blitzed) Hot & Spicy Chicharrones
  • 1 cup blitzed parmesan cheese
  • tbsp Jalepeno Garlic seasoning
  • 2-3 tbsp Garlicky Greengo
  • salt / cayenne to taste
  • avocado oil or coconut oil for frying – personal preference (non keto use peanut oil)
  • pickled jalepenos for topping / or what ever topping you like, crunchy pork rinds, parmesan crisps, or pickled red cabbage is good too.

 

 

Instructions……

  1. Boil salted water.  place chicken embryos in and bring to a boil… then turn off the heat and let them sit for 14 min. THIS is crucial to the peeling process. Eggs be some finicky bitches. I use two week old eggs for deviling anywho, somehow they are more mature about the whole thing.
  2.   guac21.jpg
  3. While the ladies bathe… make your “breading bowls”.  Mix the flours together in one large flat bowl/ tupperware. Beat 2 eggs in the next bowl / tupperware. Mix the parm and pork rinds in the last one.  Set them side by side in that order next to a paper towel lined cutting board or sheet pan.
  4. Drain & peel eggs immediately (while hot) in cold water / running water in the pot.
  5. Slice eggs in half and dump 8 yolks into a bowl. Toss the rest of the yolks, set whites aside to dry. 
  6. Slice avocados and pray to the old gods and the new, that they are perfect… nothing is as sexy as a ripe one.
  7. Slice your avocado in half
  8. Dump avocados in the yolk bowl add all seasoning, some lime juice, cilantro, the awesome sauce and !Mash it up!   (enjoy song whilst cooking)
  9. Load that shit into a piping bag and fridge it. The lime juice should keep it from browning for a while.  Tits crossed. 
  10. guacamole
  11. Heat your deep fryer (or deep pan with lots of oil) to about 350°F. If you don’t have a cooking thermometer, stick a wooden spoon into the oil when it’s been heating for about 7-8 minutes. If bubbles come up from the depth, your oil is hot enough for deep frying!
  12. Coat each egg half in the “flour” mix, then the egg wash, then the parm & pork rinds mix.  Using one hand for wet and one hand for dry keeps it less ridiculous.  Example: dry hand dredges it with the flour, drops it in the egg, then the wet hand takes out of the egg and the dry hand then puts it in the parm & pork rinds then on to a paper towel lined pan. Instructional video for your viewing pleasure. 
  13. Carefully lower each coated egg half into the deep fryer (or pan) to avoid splashing. It will hurt! I mean…unless you like that sort of pain… then splash away. 😉
  14. Allow each piece to fry  until a light brown. It shouldn’t take long at all.  Take them out and place them on that paper towel lined thing again.
  15. guac3
  16. Finally!! It’s time to lay some pipe! Get that piping bag full of avocado yolk goodness and squeeze away. Make it purty, it will taste better. Top it with what ever you want.. be weird with it.  
  17. Share with friends, they wont last long… so here’s a tip:  A savvy pirate always hides a bit of treasure for themselves. 

deviled eggs

Here’s a weird ass Easter video. Don’t say I never gave you nothin. 

DEVILED EGGS RULE! 

crawfish1.jpg

Craig the Crawfish says…. AAAARRRGGG this be my guac, Do you even sauce bro?!! Well do ya? 

PS>>left over “filling” doubles as a badass chip dip. It ain’t a party until someone brings the guacamole.

 

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

LOW CARB TOAD ROLLS

LOW CARB TOAD ROLLS

By Galumpkis, shes done it!  Whether you are in ketosis and trying to hold steady or you’re sailing the lazy keto ship like this broad, or maybe you just fancy making better choices in life… you’re going to have to have serious will power to not eat more than a serving of these savory treasures. My crew devours these like savages and its fine by me… because little do they know, they’ve been hoodwinked! HEARYE: No spuds were harmed in the making of these rolls. When its cold outside and the meal prep must be done, pull yer lazy bones up by the bootstraps and get’er done. It’s not always what you want to be doing on a Sunday (or Monday in my case) but it will save you precious time and money for other important things… like binge watching Black Sails or Shameless.  I call these cabbage rolls, TOADS because they look like toads, duh, and also because the secret ingredient is GOLDEN TOAD SAUCE this recipe uses their Habanero Pepper Sauce.  So before you can swear allegiance to the “I DON’T DO SPICY” clan, this stuff is NOT going to burn your face off, or your ass. The subtle yet distinct flavor of this sauce perfectly compliments Italian sausage IMO. You’ll most likely be thanking me later, I accept brief hugs, stickers, rum, and brunch gift cards as thanks. FYI.  I swear  that these cabbage rolls are the easiest damned things to make but some folks don’t believe me so here’s the skinny…. that’s a pun y’all.. since these delicious AF little toads are SO LOW CARB!

BEWARE: DO NOT LICK ACTUAL TOADS. DO HOWEVER LICK THESE TOAD ROLLS

Prep Time:15 mins

Cook Time:6 hrs
 

Servings: 6

9.4 carbs / 5.9 net carbs per serving  – 140 calories – 7 sugars

INGREEDIENTS………

  • 1 head of cabbage (about 1 pound)
  • 1/2 pound of  mild (or spicy) italian ground beef / sausage
  • 1/4 cup parsley – blitzed
  • 1/4 cup onion – chopped
  • 2 cups of raw cauliflower –riced (messy as all hell but worth its weight in gold)
  • 1 egg.. just one lonely ovo
  • a few dashes of worchestershire.. worstesher.. worcheshure…wtf ever.. you get it.
  • salt and pepper or what ever seasonings you cant live without (I use my blends)
  • 6 fresh slices of mozzarella for topping / optional but necessary IMO
  • a giant elephant garlic clove like this…Elephant garlic is actually in the leek family
  • a whole dang jar of low carb tomato sauce like this one…Raos tomato sauce
  • a few dashes (or a few swigs) of Golden toad – Habanero Pepper Sauce

 

If you don’t have access to riced cauliflower, just whip up your own! It will look like a snow man murder scene in your kitchen, but its actually better.  A large head, blitzed real fine is  fresh as fuuuu and makes enough cauli-snow for other low carb meals for the week… and you can freeeeze this snow as well. Yes I did.

Lets do this…… 

    1. Core the cabbage and pull off the first layer of outer leaves.
    2. Place in a large pot with about 2 inches of boiling water…
    3. Let cabbage steam (or let it scream like a mandrake in a hot bath) until the leaves pull off easily and are very pliable without being mushy.. ew.
    4. Let cool… this is OBVIOUS but you’d be surprised how many land lubbin foggy headed home cooks (myself included) have burned themselves with hot cabbage.
    5. IF YOU WERE NOT LAZY and you bought an UNPROCESSED head of cauliflower then Process cauliflower in food processor until it is finely chopped, about the size of rice.
    6. Set aside. Take a shot, or clean up your prep station, you know you’ve made a mess.
    7. Cook the italian ground beef with the onion, add elephant garlic
    8. Drain well. Add salt and pepper, seasonings, and that tasty AF golden toad sauce!
    9. Dump in that parsley,  and raw cauliflower
    10. Beat an egg (I condone egg violence) and mix it all well. This will help the filling stick together.
    11. Lay a cabbage leaf flat on the counter. Slash the bottom vein to make it fold (behave) bette
    1. 12. Add a tablespoon or so of the meat mixture to the cabbage and roll up, tucking the ends…. not like this…

TUCK AND ROLL FAIL

    13. Repeat with all of the cabbage leaves that are big enough.
    14. Add about 1/4 cup of the RAOs sauce to the bottom of a slow cooker.
    15. Lay the rolls in the slow cooker…all nice and pretty like.
    16. Smother with the remaining sauce…yea smear it all over.
    17. Cook on low for 4-6 hours or cover & cook in the oven at 350F for an hour.

 

     Now its time for a dance break.. do you remember the Cabbage patch?
     Wow.. that was tough to watch. Hes got scurvy or something.

Now top these hot suckers with mozz slices right before plating, or load up those BPA free meal prep containers and heat up them up when your ready to scarf. The horizon is the limit… never settle for boring just to get healthy. YOU CAN HAVE BOTH! Saving the planet one tongue at a time! #playwithyourfood #makebetterchoices #doyouevensaucebro

TOAD12

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

EMU EGG SHAKSHUKA

I am not a traditional wench, as you may have noticed. So when I get an idea to do a “traditional dish” from some other country or region, I’m probably going to twist it up, and do it my way… and this system works for me.  Some people get offended that I don’t follow recipes and I change theirs… but I’m already over this “offended” period of the 2000’s.  Get over it. It’s adventure time! So if you are an adventurous eater / cook.. then you and me should be friends. I am always looking for a new thing to try.. an new hot sauce to use and a new way to do things. This weeks #doyouevensaucebro hot sauce company spotlight is on Voodoo Chile Sauces and their Bhuty Thyme tomato based hot sauce! It tastes like grandmas cookin… if your grandma is a spicy as mine. Speaking of traditional… I LOOOOOVE cast iron especially my passed down LODGE cast iron.  The pirate in me wants to cook everything in a perfectly seasoned IRON pan… dutch oven or skillet. So when I received this deliciously interesting EMU EGG (among many other awesome things shown below) from a local Emu farm (I support buying local when ever possible), I knew I was going to do something with it in my cast iron skillet. There’s something very paleolithic about these ginormous eggs… I fucking lub them.  I had been wanting to make a Shakshuka again for a while… this was it… THANKSGIVING WEEK, the perfect chance to make a dish meant for sharing with others. So I invited the crew over and we grubbed for dinner / neighborsgiving.  So what if it wasn’t for breakfast, I break the rules! You should too.. follow along mates.. here’s the skinny:

 

…….in-greed-ients:

  • 8 oz Chorizo, squish that shit into the LARGE cast iron and fuck it up with a wooden spoon
  • 1Tsp oilve oil
  • 1 small sweet onion, diced
  • 1 small red pepper,  diced – a small jar of roasted red peppers works great too
  • 1 small bulb garlic, minced
  • 1/4 cup sherry
  • 1 can diced tomatoes, chopped & not drained (I also used some jarred golden tomatoes from the emu farm and split this part)
  • 1 can drained chickpeas
  • 2 baby bella mushrooms -sliced 
  • 2tsp brown sugar
  • 1tsp smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp coriander
  • 1 tsp mexican oregano
  • 2 tsp cumin
  • a couple of splashes of hot sauce – I like it hot so mo is betta- BHUTY THYME (clickit)
  • 1 emu egg, but I know yall ain’t gonna get one so… 4 – 6 free-range eggs
  • 1 cup feta.. crumbly, salty and awesome
  • fresh culantro  / also called shado beni, (a stronger cilantro falvor) leaves to garnish 
  • half an avocado for garnish 
  • toasted NAAN is my choice of dipping bread.. but you do what you want.

 

…….. shake that shuka:

  1. Heat a large CAST IRON skillet and fry the chorizo until the oils start releasing and the meat browns. Remove the sausage and put baby in a corner for a bit.
  2. Add the olive oil to the pan of orange oil and gently fry the onion for about 3 minutes until softened. Add the red pepper and garlic & continue to fry for a further 2 or so minutes until they too are softened. Return the chorizo to the pan and briefly fry.
  3. Add the sherry and allow the liquid to (mostly) cook off.
  4. Add the tomatoes w liquid, sugar, chickpeas, shrooms, seasonings, and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper if your feeling fiesty… Allow this to bubble on a gentle heat for about 20 minutes. This is where you have a shot and a dance break. SSSSHHHAka khan – tell me somethin good!
  5. Now, if you are adventurous and you’ve gotten an emu egg, you will need to dremel it open.. it’s kind of like brain surgery.  Easy peasy, right. Then gently pour the egg into a buttered frying pan & fry your emu egg until the white is almost done, then gently transfer it to the top of the shakshuka to finish poaching in the sauces. My asshole egg yolk popped but.. it’s actually ok because this much runny yolk would have grossed out my neighbors whom I was sharing this with.  Check out my shitty vid of my dremel vs emu egg action. 

     

  6. but.. if you didn’t get an emu egg, just make several indentations in the top of the shakshuka with the back of a ladle and break your eggs into the holes. Mix the egg white around a bit to loosen and spread… and don’t breaking the damned yolk, that’s eggicide and I would just toss the whole damned thing out if the yolks are popped. Just sayin. Here’s my quail egg mini cast iron shakshuka breakfast the next morning…foog
  7. Cook for a further 3 or so minutes and until the egg whites have hardened. If necessary put a lid on your pan to speed up the process.
  8. Scatter plenty of feta over the monstrosity, then the chopped culantro and the lovely avocado.. then scoop it out onto some warm naan, or what ever.  I served mine with a smoked white wine.. but that… is a whole other blog. 🙂 winr

Drink up me hearties…yo ho! 

img_10191

…. as you can see, I really love ALL of the Voodoo awesomesauces, even when they are backwards.  IF you think your worthy… Join my FB group: “Do you even sauce bro” and follow me on IG: the_bomb_noms

NOMASTE! 

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

So Cal Eggs Benedict

So Cal Eggs Benedict

IIII’mmmmm Baaaaack, from a blogging hiatus with a rad brunch dish to share!  Everyone loves a classic Eggs Benedict… but there be no limits when it comes to MY cooking, so I put a SO Cal spin on this one. I recently received a box of awesomesauce from So Cal Hot sauce  and I don’t think I’ve ever reeeally thought about hot sauces categorized by region before.  Sure there are different levels of heat,  salt, texture, sweetness… you can use scorpions, ghosts, reapers, serranos…. you can separate them by season, color, consistency……there is an endless plethora of categories. BUT this sauce definitely tastes like Southern Cali to me so it immediately pleases the Captain that they are true to their name, beit that their slogan is “California inspired, Carolina grown”.  The first one that I played with is the “So Cal Guac Sauce – Hot Avocado.  Y’all know how I feel about avocados…. they are a staple, a necessity, a vitamin and a part of my balanced breakfast and sexy as fuuuuck. The avocado flavor and the consistency of this sauce was too legit so I had to use it IN a sauce… I do love to sauce bro.  Since I enjoy the challenge of making better choices (most of the time)and the healthy hippies in cali love cauliflower…  I opted to make some crispy, slightly cheesy, dill cauliflower waffles instead of the all p0wer full evil BREAD! Mmmmm…bread… any who, If you switch up this recipe up, have fun, do what you wanna.  By all means I’m not the boss of you, BUT, don’t leave out the cauliflower waffle or the “guac sauce” and expect it to be as magical and amazing as mine.  Just sayin.  #brunchlikeyoumeanit

 

……. in-greed-ients:

  • 3/4 cup frozen cauliflower crumbles (thawed and drained)
  • 1 cup low fat Mozzarella cheese, shredded
  • 4 large sprigs dill – chopped
  • 1 large egg, beaten until moral improves
  • 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon pink Himalayan sea salt
  • 1/8 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper (or more cause its awesome)
  • 4 large eggs, drained (I will explain)
  • 4 slices Canadian Bacon eh?
  • 2-3 cups arugula
  • coconut oil for sauteeing 

…… in- the-blender:

…… cookin time:

  1. Get out that dusty old Belgian Waffle Maker if ya got it, and heat to a medium setting. IF not, fuck it, any ol’ waffle maker will do.
  2. In a medium bowl, combine 3/4 cup cauliflower crumbles, 1 cup shredded Mozzarella cheese, chopped dill, 1 beaten in to shape egg, garlic powder, onion powder,salt, freshly cracked black pepper. Mix that shit. SIDE NOTE: I grate fresh cauliflower using my food processor and store the cauliflower crumbles in the freezer. BUT you can just get some frozen cauliflower crumbles. If you use freshly grated cauliflower, add an egg white.

    socal1

    Cauliflower cheese dill mix

  3. Spray the waffle iron and slop that cauliflower mixture EVENLY onto the waffle iron. Close lid and flip over. Cook till brown like a chocolate starfish… that’s when ya know it’s done. 

    socal2

    Cauliflower waffle

  4. DO YOU even sauce bro?  Well ya do now, put the hollandaise stuff in the blender… blend till awesome. Dip your finger in for a taste… tasty as fuck right?!MMMMM! This “guac sauce”  has about 5 calories per serving (tsp) and a medium range of sodium @ 105 mg. The “heat”  is mid range with serranos and habaneros balanced with tomatillos and avocado.  It’s puurrrfecct for a golden creamy hollandaise. 

    socal6

    So Cal Guac Hollandaise

  5. Now make some perfectly poached eggs.  Lay a paper towel out to lay the eggs on, fill your favorite pot about 2-3 inches deep. While waiting for the water to boil, drain the eggs by cracking them into  a fine mesh strainer and allow the watery part of the whites to drain out into a bowl.  The thin part of the egg is not necessary and causes bullshit when trying to poach the eggs. Homey don’t play that. 

    socal3

    Straining the ovos

  6. Slip that drained egg into the GENTLY boiling water…poach one a time. DO NOT SWIRL the water. Because we removed that bullshit part of the egg white there is no need to waste your time swirling the water. Poach for 3 minutes. When it’s ready, use a slotted spoon to gently transfer the eggs to the paper towel plate. Don’t fuck it up!
  7. While the eggs are poaching, quick sear that  Canadian Bacon in a small cast iron skillet. Mmmm bacon. 

    socal4

    meeeaattt

  8. Remove them pig discs and toss in the greens.. use a little coconut oil and seasoning of your choice (I use FlavorGod Dynamite Seasoning) for a quick sautee “roll in the hay” and remove before that shit gets gross.
  9. To assemble: Put 1/4 of the cauliflower waffle on a plate, then a spoon of sauteed arugula, topped with that juicy yankee bacon & then 1 poached egg. Now you can drench that shit with guac hollandaise sauce. Garnish with chopped parsley or scallions or what ever you want…it’s all about to be devoured soon anyway.  Make sure you enjoy cutting into that sexy runny yolk, sop it up with that delish cauliflower triangle…now stuff your face hole! 

    socal5

    Before the sauceing

 

Yield: 4 Servings
Prep Time: 15 mins.
Cook time: 10 mins.
Total time: 25 mins

.fullsizerender

                                                                    Drink up me hearties yo ho!

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

MILK CHOCOLATE WILD ORANGE, CARDA-POM BARK

MILK CHOCOLATE WILD ORANGE, CARDA-POM BARK

Alright! So it was me that ate all the twix from the Halloween bowl…so what!  The first mate ate all the snickers, leaving all of the whoppers and chewy weird crap for the little skurv. Tis the season and shit.  I don’t even really dig sweets that much.  BUT when one is imbibing the grapes of wrath…one must also occasionally indulge in a chocolate or two.  Hence = the need for more provisions.  I can’t keep the cupboards stocked with enough sweets for this crew, they eat everything. So, I decided to make something just for me…something that those thieving bilge rats wouldn’t want to sneak.   I love all essential oils and I cook with them daily.  You don’t have to be cool to use oils, and you don’t have to have oils to make this… just substitute it for orange zest and maybe it won’t suck. BUT if you are one of the lucky ones that has been blessed with an armory full of oils… you will want to make this stuff this season…so, without any further adoooo…. I give you  a  simple ASFUCK milk chocolate wild orange, cardamom & pomegranate bark!

First things first…. 11 things you didn’t know about pomegranates these plump beauties are really a bomb ass fruit for you to pig out on during the fall.  Lets go over real quick just how to properly cut a pomegranate…. for those of you that keep fucking it up.

Take a sharp paring knife, cut the top out at an angle, it will look kind of like… what are those things called… a Dreidle. Yeah, that’s it. Happy flipping holidays.

Then, make a light slice down the “ribs” of the fruit…there should be 5, like a star.

Now separate them by gently pulling them apart and the center skin and “core” should stay in the middle.

Lastly, turn each section over and whack the back of them with a spoon or your hand to make those sweet rubys pop out.  Yes you will have to still use your damn hand.. ..no this is not a magical method… nothing is perfect.

Set your ruby red jewels aside… try not to eat them all while making the chocolate.

Now it’s time to get it on….

………in-greed-ients

  • 1 giant ass pomegranate
  • 1 vanilla bean – these are the bomb-Penzys Madagascar Vanilla Beans
  • 1 bag of bitter sweet or semi sweet dark chocolate morsels
  • some cardamom – either powdered Penzys powdered or cardamom oil 
  • Orange zest or ….. orange essential oil
  • some Himalayan pink salt
  • 1/2 cup of heavy cream

 

………the chocolate magic:

  1. de seed the pom – duh
  2. pour cream into a deep pot
  3. add chocolate
  4. stir constantly on low
  5. add vanilla bean paste
  6. remove from heat when completely melted
  7. slather some hot chocolate all over yourself and make that phone call / snap chat that special someone…..
  8. just kidding…. or am I? Lets get it on… 
  9. add cardamom & orange oil / zest
  10. add some of the pom seeds
  11. lay out a sheet of parchment on a cookie sheet (or if you have candy molds those are great too)
  12. pour all that awesome sauce in a circle and maybe 1/4 of an inch thick.
  13. top with more pom seeds
  14. sprinkle with some salt
  15. freeze that shit over night
  16. slice and serve bitches!
IMG_5136

Milk Chocolate wild orange, cardapom bark

 

 

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

CORN IN A CUP CHOWDER!

CORN IN A CUP CHOWDER!

If you have never eaten the “Elotes”, “Elote en Vaso” or “Mexican street corn” at a pop up truck in front of a meat market, out of a truck on the side of the road, or maybe at a festival… you are seriously missing the fucking jam.  Corn in a cup is one of my favorite Mexican snacks and if you are from Texas you should get on the damned band wagon with this tastetastic traditional treasure.  It’s beginning to look a lot like fall around here (well, as fall as south Texas can look in November) and that means white girls in those classy ugg boots, holiday flavors of coffee addicts unite…. and mufukn CROCK POT season!!! I think I use my crock pot at least once a week from Halloween to Valentines day…. shes my bitch in the kitchen, my BFF.. I call her Gertrude. Now, although Gerti does all the heavy work with chowders, soups, stews, and many other awesome things, It’s up to me to feed her the right shit and treat her right. There’s not many ways to eff up a crock pot meal but I’ve heard tales that it’s possible.  So, keep her wet, don’t make her too hot if you are just going to leave her alone all day, and by all means, take your time with her if you want her sweet sweet love. I know I’m not the first Wench to make a corn chowder, but I very well might be the first one to make a CORN IN A CUP CHOWDER WITH CANDIED BACON….. so here goes. Cheers to creatastivity and fall food fusion!

 

…….in-greed-ients:

  • about 15-20 red potatoes, scrubbed and chunky cut-not peeled
  • 1 can golden hominy -because hominy is awesome
  • 1 bag of fiesta lime corn
  • 1 med sweet yellow onion
  • 1 cup chopped celery
  • 8 garlic cloves crushed
  • 4 cups veggie stock
  • 1/2 lb bacon
  • some brown sugar
  • 2 cups heavy cream
  • Deans –Sriracha Dip
  • cotija cheese – finely shredded (I couldn’t get any so i used parm)
  • 1 lime
  • cilantro sauce or sprigs
  • salt & chili powder  – this is the shit-Penzeys Chili powder

……..the chowder magic:

  1. chop all veggies
  2. add all veggies, garlic, corn and stock into the crock
  3. add some cilantro and the salt & chili powder
  4. cook, on high for 5 hours
  5. while you wait…. you could go to work, go jog that ass away, nap, or maybe you should drink some margaritas…it’s never a the wrong time for ritas..or Tequila! 
  6. add cream and half of the deans tub… don’t be shy it’s the holidays.
  7. bake those luscious piggie slices with brown sugar on top until its nice and candied and the fat is crispy…drool. 
  8. crumble that shit and dump it in
  9. cook for 30 more min
  10. plop that creamy stuff into a cup and sprinkle grated cheese, chili powder, cilantro sauce or a sprig or two… 
  11. devour it like the sexy mistress it is. 

    The hardest part about crock pot cooking…. is not stuffing myself like the thanks giving turkey.  Portion control people! Freeze some, send some down to the neighbors, what ever you gotta do to keep the greedy kraken inside of you in check. OR…. don’t give a fuck and have thirds. This recipe is surely making me want thirds.

Bone-Arrrr-petite! 

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Cuban Eggrolls!

Cuban Eggrolls!

National FOOD TRUCK day was spent at home this year….we are preparing for our annual Halloween extravaganza and thusly are too poor to go downtown just for food. I still needed some food truck in my life. So, I prepared one of the items that I would sell from my imaginary food truck. CUBANO EGGROLLS fool! I mean, obvs i’m big into “fusion” foods.. and obvs i’m creative AF…..but I am also super into promoting local. (In case you didn’t already know).  I purchased this cannon-balls relish called  Dillapeno (<<buy it here <<) relish from the Smithers Family at the  Houston Hot Sauce Festival I attend every year.  If you love pickles.. as I do… PLEASE try this shiz. I used it in place of pickle slices in my cubans. I made waaay to many but luckily I have a large hungry crew of friends who randomly sail by to graze grub…. otherwise I would be way larger and way in charger.  On my food truck, I would make these dericious cuban wraps becasue they are totally finger food and totally a “quickie” item. I wrap so tight… you should too.       

………in-greed-ients:

  • 1 pack of eggroll wraps
  • 1/4 lb swiss cheese slices
  • 1/2 lb of roasted pork slices
  • 1/2 lb of sliced ham…preferably smoked somehow.
  • a thing of spicy / sweet dijon mustard
  • some dill jalepeno relish
  • garlic powder, salt & pepper
  • egg wash
  • stuff for frying.. ie: pan, oil, fire.

…….Cuban magic:

  1. lay an eggroll wrap on a cutting board
  2. throw down the ham
  3. throw down the pork
  4. slap it with a half slice of cheese
  5. spoon out some relish
  6. squirt out some ‘tard
  7. season
  8. roll…..just roll along…..just roll along….
  9. egg wash to seal
  10. fry that shit.

This halloween, the first mate is going to be a zombie Ricky Ricardo and I am going to be a Zombie Lucy so we need to practice our cuban dancing….. so here:

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,