Alright! So it was me that ate all the twix from the Halloween bowl…so what! The first mate ate all the snickers, leaving all of the whoppers and chewy weird crap for the little skurv. Tis the season and shit. I don’t even really dig sweets that much. BUT when one is imbibing the grapes of wrath…one must also occasionally indulge in a chocolate or two. Hence = the need for more provisions. I can’t keep the cupboards stocked with enough sweets for this crew, they eat everything. So, I decided to make something just for me…something that those thieving bilge rats wouldn’t want to sneak. I love all essential oils and I cook with them daily. You don’t have to be cool to use oils, and you don’t have to have oils to make this… just substitute it for orange zest and maybe it won’t suck. BUT if you are one of the lucky ones that has been blessed with an armory full of oils… you will want to make this stuff this season…so, without any further adoooo…. I give you a simple ASFUCK milk chocolate wild orange, cardamom & pomegranate bark!
First things first…. 11 things you didn’t know about pomegranates these plump beauties are really a bomb ass fruit for you to pig out on during the fall. Lets go over real quick just how to properly cut a pomegranate…. for those of you that keep fucking it up.
Take a sharp paring knife, cut the top out at an angle, it will look kind of like… what are those things called… a Dreidle. Yeah, that’s it. Happy flipping holidays.
Then, make a light slice down the “ribs” of the fruit…there should be 5, like a star.
Now separate them by gently pulling them apart and the center skin and “core” should stay in the middle.
Lastly, turn each section over and whack the back of them with a spoon or your hand to make those sweet rubys pop out. Yes you will have to still use your damn hand.. ..no this is not a magical method… nothing is perfect.
Set your ruby red jewels aside… try not to eat them all while making the chocolate.
Now it’s time to get it on….
………in-greed-ients
- 1 giant ass pomegranate
- 1 vanilla bean – these are the bomb-Penzys Madagascar Vanilla Beans
- 1 bag of bitter sweet or semi sweet dark chocolate morsels
- some cardamom – either powdered Penzys powdered or cardamom oil
- Orange zest or ….. orange essential oil
- some Himalayan pink salt
- 1/2 cup of heavy cream
………the chocolate magic:
- de seed the pom – duh
- pour cream into a deep pot
- add chocolate
- stir constantly on low
- add vanilla bean paste
- remove from heat when completely melted
- slather some hot chocolate all over yourself and make that phone call / snap chat that special someone…..
- just kidding…. or am I? Lets get it on…
- add cardamom & orange oil / zest
- add some of the pom seeds
- lay out a sheet of parchment on a cookie sheet (or if you have candy molds those are great too)
- pour all that awesome sauce in a circle and maybe 1/4 of an inch thick.
- top with more pom seeds
- sprinkle with some salt
- freeze that shit over night
- slice and serve bitches!
