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Monthly Archives: November 2015

MILK CHOCOLATE WILD ORANGE, CARDA-POM BARK

MILK CHOCOLATE WILD ORANGE, CARDA-POM BARK

Alright! So it was me that ate all the twix from the Halloween bowl…so what!  The first mate ate all the snickers, leaving all of the whoppers and chewy weird crap for the little skurv. Tis the season and shit.  I don’t even really dig sweets that much.  BUT when one is imbibing the grapes of wrath…one must also occasionally indulge in a chocolate or two.  Hence = the need for more provisions.  I can’t keep the cupboards stocked with enough sweets for this crew, they eat everything. So, I decided to make something just for me…something that those thieving bilge rats wouldn’t want to sneak.   I love all essential oils and I cook with them daily.  You don’t have to be cool to use oils, and you don’t have to have oils to make this… just substitute it for orange zest and maybe it won’t suck. BUT if you are one of the lucky ones that has been blessed with an armory full of oils… you will want to make this stuff this season…so, without any further adoooo…. I give you  a  simple ASFUCK milk chocolate wild orange, cardamom & pomegranate bark!

First things first…. 11 things you didn’t know about pomegranates these plump beauties are really a bomb ass fruit for you to pig out on during the fall.  Lets go over real quick just how to properly cut a pomegranate…. for those of you that keep fucking it up.

Take a sharp paring knife, cut the top out at an angle, it will look kind of like… what are those things called… a Dreidle. Yeah, that’s it. Happy flipping holidays.

Then, make a light slice down the “ribs” of the fruit…there should be 5, like a star.

Now separate them by gently pulling them apart and the center skin and “core” should stay in the middle.

Lastly, turn each section over and whack the back of them with a spoon or your hand to make those sweet rubys pop out.  Yes you will have to still use your damn hand.. ..no this is not a magical method… nothing is perfect.

Set your ruby red jewels aside… try not to eat them all while making the chocolate.

Now it’s time to get it on….

………in-greed-ients

  • 1 giant ass pomegranate
  • 1 vanilla bean – these are the bomb-Penzys Madagascar Vanilla Beans
  • 1 bag of bitter sweet or semi sweet dark chocolate morsels
  • some cardamom – either powdered Penzys powdered or cardamom oil 
  • Orange zest or ….. orange essential oil
  • some Himalayan pink salt
  • 1/2 cup of heavy cream

 

………the chocolate magic:

  1. de seed the pom – duh
  2. pour cream into a deep pot
  3. add chocolate
  4. stir constantly on low
  5. add vanilla bean paste
  6. remove from heat when completely melted
  7. slather some hot chocolate all over yourself and make that phone call / snap chat that special someone…..
  8. just kidding…. or am I? Lets get it on… 
  9. add cardamom & orange oil / zest
  10. add some of the pom seeds
  11. lay out a sheet of parchment on a cookie sheet (or if you have candy molds those are great too)
  12. pour all that awesome sauce in a circle and maybe 1/4 of an inch thick.
  13. top with more pom seeds
  14. sprinkle with some salt
  15. freeze that shit over night
  16. slice and serve bitches!
IMG_5136

Milk Chocolate wild orange, cardapom bark

 

 

 

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CORN IN A CUP CHOWDER!

CORN IN A CUP CHOWDER!

If you have never eaten the “Elotes”, “Elote en Vaso” or “Mexican street corn” at a pop up truck in front of a meat market, out of a truck on the side of the road, or maybe at a festival… you are seriously missing the fucking jam.  Corn in a cup is one of my favorite Mexican snacks and if you are from Texas you should get on the damned band wagon with this tastetastic traditional treasure.  It’s beginning to look a lot like fall around here (well, as fall as south Texas can look in November) and that means white girls in those classy ugg boots, holiday flavors of coffee addicts unite…. and mufukn CROCK POT season!!! I think I use my crock pot at least once a week from Halloween to Valentines day…. shes my bitch in the kitchen, my BFF.. I call her Gertrude. Now, although Gerti does all the heavy work with chowders, soups, stews, and many other awesome things, It’s up to me to feed her the right shit and treat her right. There’s not many ways to eff up a crock pot meal but I’ve heard tales that it’s possible.  So, keep her wet, don’t make her too hot if you are just going to leave her alone all day, and by all means, take your time with her if you want her sweet sweet love. I know I’m not the first Wench to make a corn chowder, but I very well might be the first one to make a CORN IN A CUP CHOWDER WITH CANDIED BACON….. so here goes. Cheers to creatastivity and fall food fusion!

 

…….in-greed-ients:

  • about 15-20 red potatoes, scrubbed and chunky cut-not peeled
  • 1 can golden hominy -because hominy is awesome
  • 1 bag of fiesta lime corn
  • 1 med sweet yellow onion
  • 1 cup chopped celery
  • 8 garlic cloves crushed
  • 4 cups veggie stock
  • 1/2 lb bacon
  • some brown sugar
  • 2 cups heavy cream
  • Deans –Sriracha Dip
  • cotija cheese – finely shredded (I couldn’t get any so i used parm)
  • 1 lime
  • cilantro sauce or sprigs
  • salt & chili powder  – this is the shit-Penzeys Chili powder

……..the chowder magic:

  1. chop all veggies
  2. add all veggies, garlic, corn and stock into the crock
  3. add some cilantro and the salt & chili powder
  4. cook, on high for 5 hours
  5. while you wait…. you could go to work, go jog that ass away, nap, or maybe you should drink some margaritas…it’s never a the wrong time for ritas..or Tequila! 
  6. add cream and half of the deans tub… don’t be shy it’s the holidays.
  7. bake those luscious piggie slices with brown sugar on top until its nice and candied and the fat is crispy…drool. 
  8. crumble that shit and dump it in
  9. cook for 30 more min
  10. plop that creamy stuff into a cup and sprinkle grated cheese, chili powder, cilantro sauce or a sprig or two… 
  11. devour it like the sexy mistress it is. 

    The hardest part about crock pot cooking…. is not stuffing myself like the thanks giving turkey.  Portion control people! Freeze some, send some down to the neighbors, what ever you gotta do to keep the greedy kraken inside of you in check. OR…. don’t give a fuck and have thirds. This recipe is surely making me want thirds.

Bone-Arrrr-petite! 

 

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