A pirates life for me!, Stuffing stuff in stuff, Taco Tuesday

Lean Turkey Lettuce Wraps…with holy green sauce!

It was TaCo TuEsDaY last night y’all and you know I never skip a meal!  Alas I am trying to stay on the healthy train though so lettuce wraps are a good alternative to tacos. I have been craving PF Changs lettuce wraps but pillaging and looting hasn’t been so great lately, so I made my very own… with some twists of course. First off, I use lean ground turkey instead of chicken and mine are somewhere around 350 calories instead of 530 calories like our friend Changs. Usually, I’m like “FUKIT” but my ASS is large and in charge and it needs to calm the fuck down. IMG_2355SO, without further adoo…. Behold, the badassery that is “Lean turkey lettuce wraps”  along with the most coveted of my booty of sauces “The Holy Green Sauce”.  This really took about 30 minutes tops (that includes making the sauce) Please, hold the applause until the end of the performance. IMG_0336


  • EVOO
  • 1 lb lean ground turkey
  • minced garlic – don’t be shy now
  • 1/2 large white onion – diced- Have I ever shared how to swashbuckle an onion properly?  Please watch this, it will make you a better person. –You’re doing it ALL WRONG
  • ginger – as much or as little as you want 
  • 1/4 cup peanut sauce, I like the organic brands at whole foods 
  • 1/4 cup orange stir fry sauce
  • 1 tbsp. white rice wine vinegar
  • 1 8 ounce can sliced water chestnuts – What do you call nuts on your chest? ANSWER HERE!
  • 4 green onions
  • sriracha (all of it…lol)
  • 1-2 heads romain (or butter) lettuce.
  • red pepper flakes

…..turkey magic:

  1. Heat olive oil in a large sauce pan, add turkey and cook until browned, swashbuckle it while it cooks
  2. stir in minced garlic and white onion, all sauces & vinegar
  3. 2 min later, stir in chestnuts and some sriracha and red pepper flakes
  4. cook for like 2 more minutes… just to be sure.
  5. load that shit in a lettuce taco and top it with green onions


  • a whole clove of roasted garlic
  • a bunch of cilantro
  • juice a whole large lime
  • half of an avocado
  • EVOO (about 1/4 cup)
  • a dollop of greek yogurt
  • 4 serrano peppers (seeded and chopped)
  • (optional: 1 roasted ancho pepper)
  • flavorgod’s spicy everything seasoning
  • smoked chipotle
  • Himalayan salt – if you think you need it.

Blend that shit to a creamy mess in a food processor and taste it to make sure it’s not poison.  I keep mine in a Guy Fieri squirt tube for easy access. PUT THAT SHIT ON EVERYTHING!

Now, squirt holy green sauce and sriracha over your turkey wrap tacos and enjoy… as you see here, I did. Thoroughly.


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